ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Random Venting

Conservative Contradiction

By now, you’ve all heard the radio ad mother complaining about the difficulties of raising children these days…she accuses the potential legalization of marijuana as further reason for child raising difficulty…she explains that marijuana might be more readily available like alcohol and tobacco – I mean she makes it out like “imagine the world crisis”.  What she doesn’t acknowledge – aside from the fact that her own conservative party is in agreement with decriminalizing marijuana – is that alcohol and tobacco are far more addictive with far worse killing potential chemicals; is that marijuana is one of the oldest medicinal plants on the earth; that its merely a natural plant that grows wild, in people’s back gardens and on government funded farms; and it doesn’t involve any refining process where it cooks in harsh chemicals in a rat-infested factory, it merely involves drying out and storage in a cool dry place.  What she should be concerned about on a world crisis level – besides the chemically enhanced drugs alcohol and tobacco being readily available – is the downward spiralling of our education system not promoting or teaching accountability of behaviours and responsibilities of humanity; and our health care system that traded off the once treasured Hippocratic Oath for greedy money grubbing cash grabs from patients; and our social services system allowing the irresponsibility and unaccountability to continue while quoting nonsense like “prevent undue hardships”.  Hows about we undue the hardships by getting back to our old-fashioned ways…let’s incorporate these idealistic views…of responsible and accountable for our behaviours towards the human race as a whole…back into our reality!!! Yep, that last statement was totally for you my sista Alous!


I’m a Professional Kindergartner

Why do some places of work expect you to act like responsible adults but continue to treat you like kindergarten children? Boggles the mind really…so I say the most appropriate response is to behave like a child!

First off…I love my career – I love offering advice, support and guidance to people in any way I can through the many Human Services fields I have worked…with children, teenagers, families, education services and government services.

I have been working now for over 25 years….and I’ve worked for many different types of organizations in England and Canada, and just want to share my frustration with being exposed and subjected to this mind boggling practice of adult-childrening.

Offices are usually arranged like mazes with little passage ways between quads of desk (leaving just enough room to flutter dance thru) and supervisors’ walking around those office mazes with green attendance folders. Some supervisors…and this applies to supervisors on an international level….take this part of their role overly serious and tend to record the “L” for arrival anytime after 8:30.31 (“L” code is for lateness)….generally these they feel one should be gracious for the extra 31 seconds! Being the child-like protester…I have reverted to childhood habits of putting my hand up and announcing my “present” status whenever I hear my name or see a green folder. Sidenote…many of these organizations also have these fancy attendance management (harassment) program; if you are absent for more than a specified number of days thru the year, regardless of the circumstances like attending chemotherapy or care-giving for elder parents/special needs children or undergoing medical procedures, you’re placed on the program and harassed for the following years.

This parent-employering doesn’t stop with the morning attendance….it seems you can go through the day with random supervisors chasing you through the people maze. They are making sure that you solely focus on customer service…customer service in the office, and customer service on the phone, and customer service at your desk pushing paper (cause apparently now I am selling support services…and you can get a free rebate cheque with every purchase application). Yes I am a government worker that actually works really hard, along with many of my co-workers, and we front line workers even put in extra work towing that so called government gravy train for all them mayors…again on an international level…to sit freely and dip their chicken sandwiches in!

See I work hard for my idealistic fluffy belief and offer supports to better society. As you can imagine, I spend my day hearing about other people’s life crisis’…..mostly sad situations having brought them to the bottom of their rocks and now in need of support. Once you start talking with a client/customer, you could spend upwards of 2 hours trying to help this individual/family work through how they can survive thru this crisis, pick themselves up and climb up to the top of their rock again.

Now, I just wanna walk through the office maze and try to wash off the latest sad story…I stop to talk to a group of co-workers (washing off their own experiences with sad stories) and we end up on a random topic about how the youth today cut off their jeans shorter then cotton brief underwear. Not even 5 minutes into the conversation, a supervisor comes to the little quad to ask “I was just wondering if you were all on break” (and she is also pointing to her wrist watch). Apparently the union and organization have agreed on the designated break times for the adult-childrening employess!

I’ve seen these supervisors play the authoritarian antics to many colleagues on the maze floor…and at one time I’ve even been challenged for having a legitimate case conference about a case. It is like a teacher employing bullying tactics with inappropriate threats of insubordination (imagine writing up someone for insubordination because they were actually doing their job…and therein lies some of that gravy train wastage). Then you see how, through-out the day, various other supervisors come in and out of her office having a laugh and a joke…the glass office wall doesn’t actually hide the gossiping looking smirks on all the faces gathered around her desk or the loud bursts of laughter. Then you come to the end of the day, there is a supervisor standing at the exit, pointing to their wrist watch quoting “where do you think you’re going, your hours are from 8:30pm – 4:30pm and according to my watch it is only 4:28pm”. It is of no consequences to them that you may have arrived at 8:00am and answered calls and pushed paper! At 4:31pm, it is time to leave and the supervisor responsible for closing rushes everyone out the door declaring “leave now, it’s time to leave…whatever it is you’re doing can wait till tomorrow”…and when tomorrow comes, you will then be told you should have dealt with it yesterday in the best interest of the customer?!?!?!

I have, on numerous occasions in numerous organizations, submitted my request in triplicate that I be provided a fold up cot beside my desk for the routine daily afternoon nap and some jungle jim equipment outside for recess play time…and I would even consider being tied to my teammate by a string when crossing the road to the local coffee shop!!!!

PS..Thanks Asereht and Inot for watching my back!!


Who’s My God-dy?

If you recall the Positively Charged post, you’ll see that I am a firm believer in God, but not a judgmental thumping God believer. I like to think….as mostly every religion states….”The higher being is the only true judge of all our characters, beliefs, morals, and actions”! Sadly, it seems the most vocally religious types…leaders and fanatics…don’t seem to agree or share this way of life. I find most religious leaders and fanatics prey on the vulnerable, trying to sell themselves as messengers and messiahs offering the means to speak with your God and attain your inner most desires….similar to the preaching of politicians with as much selfish greediness and untrustworthiness! Don’t be fooled fore you can achieve your inner most desires and you can talk to your God anytime and anywhere you want to too!!

Now, don’t get me wrong here, I am the first person to put my hand up (say present) and believe that everyone should have faith, have that something/someone to believe in and look towards and to get you out of bed for….but I’m not the one to put my hand up disregarding, disrespecting, or disillusioning your faith!

So, how did I get so faithfully skeptical of manmade (interpreted) religion? Well, it’s a buildup of many years personal experience, some independent research beyond the religious blockbuster movies (I admit “Stigmata” was a good movie but “Man from Earth” was an awesome movie!), and several arguments with people of all religions. I find people from the 3 main religions – Islam, Christians, Jewish – are the most argumentative!

I was born to Muslim parents, but attended catholic schools for much of my elementary years. I was finally weirded out by the Priest that followed me to 3 different catholic schools, and yes I went to 3 different catholic schools as a Muslim child (I wouldn‘t be offended if that weirds you out!). I was only put into these schools as a matter of convenience; it turns out many people, including my parents, would justify not following certain religious requirements for matters of convenience.  I can’t really fault my mom for putting me in catholic school; it was due to racism in public school that required the convenient move. And to be honestly fair, I didn’t suffer any form of racism at the catholic school, nor did I get involved in the eating bread at Mass, nor play a role in the school-yard human rosary, nor go to the library booth “confessionals” (weirded out by that stalking priest)!

Anyways, along with going to catholic schools and attempting to read the bible (the only other time I tried to read the bible was my time in jail…and I still don’t understand most of it), I was also getting Islamic lesson lectures from my parents-mostly my dad. The lectures went something like:

“NO, you can’t wear that outfit because we are Muslim; NO, you can’t question what I say because we are Muslim; NO, you can’t go outside because we are Muslim, YES, you have to pray this way 5 times a day because we’re Muslim.”

Perhaps I would have seen some merit to the lesson lectures if I didn’t see my dad be so hypocritical with his own religious actions. He would spend hours drinking at the pub and the dining room table, and he would mix his backwards pakistani village culture with religion which prevented me (the daughter) from doing anything outside the kitchen.

I finally got rid of the priest, and eventually the lesson lectures (I found it was easier to run away and not live under the roof of the hypocritical rules), when I started public school in Scarborough – no chance of being sent home dirty this time round as most of the school was my colour “dirty”. Scarborough was very multi-cultural with people of every religion you can think of. All these different people with different beliefs gave me opportunity to sniff out trouble in true ADHD form.  I started to rebel against “man-made” religion – I wasn’t Catholic or Muslim at this point – but I still had my faithful belief in God. I firmly believe that God would have us ask questions, enlighten ourselves, and be informed about the decisions we make. I don’t think it’s fair or correct for religious leaders…the pastor, priests, rabbis, and imams…to say “you are questioning and will go to hell”.

Over the years, I have had some intense arguments with other people about religious cults, the true meaning of being non-judgmental, and how spirituality is incorporated into anyone’s religion. My most memorable arguments, again with valuable lessons learned:

The Faithful Wanderer – She was an old friend from when we first moved to Scarborough. She wandered thru faiths with every boyfriend and finally stumbled on Christianity, in the Bible Thumping way, with her husband (ex husband now as conveniently divorce wasn’t ok then but it is now). We’ve had so many arguments, which would usually end with me going to hell (her judgement of me for not believing Jesus is the son of god) or her inability to answer any religiously related questions (don’t ask her about lent because she didn’t read about it in scripture so its not her practice)! Lesson learned: Best to keep an open mind but hold strong to faith. Those that wander will judge you always with ignorance!

The Faithless Wander – She was an old college friend that lasted thru the early stages of our professional careers. We shared the lacking belief in man-made (interpreted) religion, and actively participated in drunk dancing and bong toking! I started to lose respect when she became a parent, she became most judgmental of everyone’s way of life if they didn’t agree with her trendy belief – she never really had time to educate herself on the basic understandings or principles of the new belief – usually she would jump ship for the new trendy fad that came along. She once told me I make her feel sad that I think spirituality is what you put into your individual religion..she went as far as accusing the dictionary (she hoped it would agree with her) for being socialist because it agreed with me! Lesson Learned: Arguments with the uneducated will just frustrate all parties involved. Personal application is the best way to judge suitability of spirituality!

Regretting Hypocritical Parents – These are the parents I see a lot, including my own father and many of my father’s older generation family members. They all say they left their home country for a better life for their children, and then expect their children to conform to the old cultural/religion mixture but within this new country. These are also the parents that will send their children to the religious schools (Usually on the weekends or after academic school), and yet will not follow what the teachings at home. These children try to question their parents activities as they are against the religious teachings from the school, and the parents will often try to excuse the behaviour as necessary to live in this country or society (but yet there is no excusing the children) This was my father – the drunk at the table telling me I can’t wear a skirt or be in air cadets! Lesson Learned: Lead by example! I don’t have children but I work with many children and parents and I always explain that children will rebel against a parent’s hypocrisy! Always best to teach what you want your children to learn or allow children to explore and educate themselves – lets raise our future generation to understand and have respectable and respecting faith!

Selfish Leaders – These are the faith leaders that will disregard their faith for personal gains, or disregard your need to question and gain better understanding for your faith. Aside from the stalking priest, I have only had few arguments with religious leaders. I find that I would rather read and interpret for myself then take on their skewed views. I had an argument with an Imam (Muslim Priest type), he was also a teacher in an Islamic school. We argued because he felt it was totally suitable to quit his full time job so he could claim low income and get housing support from UK government – clearly I argued that was scamming the system and not ok regardless of what religion! I had another argument with a Christian Pastor, I had asked him who wrote the Bible and he responded with “well I can see you are the questioning type and so you will be going to hell, not good to question but just believe what you are told”. Lesson Learned: Again, I was steadfast in my faith and belief and questioned those with inconsistent teachings! I cling to my earlier lesson of karma providing her divine intervention – though I haven’t seen or heard from these leaders since, I believe they will get all they deserve!

Wishful Sinners – I make no mistake here to assume that anyone – even myself – is perfect or free from sin. It is the ability to recognize our sins and repent with heartfelt meaning that allows for our higher being to forgive us! These are the people that often hope their prayers will be heard while their actions continue to be sinful. They go to their religious house for prayer – or religious pilgrimage – to seek cleanliness from their sins, while they carry on showing disregard or ignorance to people, continue to lie or cheat or even steal (claiming for money not entitled to them from people and government systems)! Lesson Learned: I have not participated in religious pilgrimages or prayers at a religious house mostly because I know my full heart is not in it. Having faith that their God will judge them is all I need to carry me through my day when dealing with these sort of people!

So, who is my God? Well, he is the higher being that is responsible for all our creation. He is the one that will take us out in the end and point us in the direction of our afterlife. You ever see the movie “What Dreams May Come” with Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr? It’s an amazing movie that highlights the many options for afterlife based on individual belief!

I hope for you all a faith that gets you through the day, gives you freedom to respect other people for their beliefs, and basically follows…at minimum the 10 commandments! I remain confident in my belief that religion is whatever you put your faith and spirituality into!!


April Fool Joke of a Medical System

I know this is a little late for April fools day…but I needed the time to digest and reflect. It’s unsettling to think about how our healthcare system views us, not as people in need of care and treatment but as dollar signs for each swipe of the health card and fulfillment of the pharmaceutical prescription.

So, we have all heard someone complaining about the medical system these days…but always seem to justify their situation because we ourselves haven’t had such a bad experience – until the day you have your own bad experience!

I am proudly Canadian and I even have the maple leaf stamp tattooed on my foot…I have always been proud of our systems…especially when travelling, living and working abroad. This respect has changed….decreased to almost nil respect and less trust! I have seen the struggles of friends and family trying to navigate the medical system.

My mom had a seizure in 2007 and though they can’t tell her what caused it, they are stating that she needs to take strong medications just in case it happens again. Because my mother refuses medication without proper explanation why she needs them, they refuse to continue to monitor and care for her.

My good good workmate – Tesora – has also recently been experiencing a medical system nightmare. She has been trying to navigate the system to the best benefit of her elderly parents…but yet seems to be getting shafted at every admittance (or lack of admittance). It’s sad to think that the health care system has made its mint O’money on the backs of our hard working parents, and yet it is these unappreciated seniors that are now denied treatment….and I mean even the basic minimalist treatment they deserve.

Then there is the story of my work mate Skela, who was in and out of the hospital with her little child. Her little boy was stuck in hospital unsure of what the diagnosis was, and pumped full of various medicines in the hopes of healing.

No one escapes and no one is safe! Common within this system is you attend to the hospital with something wrong…they make their assumptions and pump you full of whatever meds they have on hand (and even make you drive around trying to find medication they may not stock in their particular hospital pharmacy)…and once the spark of healing is seen, you are packed up and shipped out. But wait….you may not be healed and so back in you go for another round of haphazardness assumptions and another scoop from the medication fruit punch bowl.

It’s further disturbing to think of the gluttonous way the system makes you their personalized cash cows even after taxes and card swipes! Realistically you would think the hospital can coordinate better to ensure that when you arrive for a round of testing, you are not required to attend the hospital over several days for several hours at a time to complete the round of testing. Then you see the signs about how the parking – set at such an enormous rate – helps to contribute to the hospital so they may continue to offer you the exquisite service they don’t currently offer.

Have you seen those new commercials that show people ripping pieces of their skin and pulling out their teeth for cigarettes? They should start showing a commercial or two of people selling off a limb, or major organs, or pints of blood to seek effective and timely treatment in a hospital. And here we were thinking the American system is so bad due to not everyone having health insurance….yet we can’t seem to get proper treatment with our government assisted health insurance.

So, now you have a diagnosis….or an assumed diagnosis for the time being…and here comes the treatment side of things….where the doctors are still looking at how to make the most dosh (dough for the western slangers)! Again, they don’t seem to look upon you as a person in need of proper consultation – one that requires actual questions and answers and conversation – but rather as a chart number and a general rule of how much money each diagnosis in that chart will bring them. They have slotted out their day to offer 15 minute consultations, this is to consult on the description of a life altering treatment.

Case in point, as you know I have the breast cancer, when I was arranging an appointment with the consulting doctor for the first time I was informed that he offers 15 minute consultations. For every appointment I required after learning of my diagnosis – which turned out to be quite a few – I was told to book them into their allotted 15 minute timeslots. Now how can a person, reasonably with compassion and their promise to do no harm, actually have an informative consultation regarding life altering treatment for a life threatening cancer in that short span of time? Here‘s what I figure is the answer….they think that you should just sign up to whatever treatment they have determined and told you about in that 15 minute session, do the conventional treatment they feel will make them the most money, and move you on to the next doctor to make their fortune from you. That is what the societal norm would do.

Here’s the real point of this post…

What happens when you go against these ideas? That’s when you start to recognize the flaw-ful joke of our system. Its kind of a funny thing really, how societal norms…and even the doctors….would suggest that you always seek a second opinion of your medical diagnosis, but then (if accepted to provide that second opinion would rarely trump the previous doctor’s diagnosis. Then you would research all potential treatment options and look to your doctor for discussion of these various options…just to be sent away, with a wave of a hand and a story of how that treatment options isn‘t proven by the pharmaceutical standards (or more likely the pharmaceutical bonus structure offered to physicians of all sorts).

Again, I go back to my diagnosis as an example. I have been running around the hospital for 3 months now, subjected to various testing and scans for the doctors to get a sense of the best assumed diagnosis and treatment options. Unsatisfied with the changing assumptions and differing discussions by the one “breast health specialist” team in the McKenzie Health hospital, I asked my doctor for another referral to another hospital…after having researched many other options for treatment. My family doctor, who received all test medical report results and seems as confused as I am, agrees to the second opinion referral and agrees to support me in whatever way with whatever treatment she can.

A referral is made to the next hospital (Sunnybrook Hospital)…and so I call and speak to the intake coordinator of the breast health clinic at Sunnybrook to explain the run-around I have been dealing with at the previous hospital with the previous oncologist. The intake coordinator says she will take my referral and speak to all medical oncologists within the hospital and explain my situation and needs. The end result….wait for it….

April 1, 2014 – The intake coordinator doesn’t have the courtesy to call me back but instead….calls my family doctor to explain that the medical oncology staff within the entire Sunnybrook Hospital is refusing my referral….yep you are reading that correct as the entire hospital…and I‘m not even requesting treatment that may land a lawsuit for them doing something incorrectly, but simple discussion on diagnosis. The entire hospital does not want to offer me the second opinion that every doctor suggests you seek out. When I asked the secretary why they refused, she is unsure but states that she assumes the doctors don’t want to offer a second opinion that may trump the first opinion…and then she is unsure where to offer me another referral as she has never seen an entire hospital refuse a referral.

I know I keep saying it….but it is through disbelief and a need to make everyone aware…that in our modern day health care system…an ENTIRE hospital can refuse a referral for a second opinion discussion….and I can’t even stress or fight…because with cancer I am suppose to remain positive….WTF!!!!

Where can I turn now? Back to my belief system….this is clearly a sign from my higher being…..I have no business working with the hospital and conventional medical system doctors.

Instead, I have every opportunity and full 2 hour long discussions on diagnosis and treatment options in the alternative medical system clinic – Bless your Soul Dr Nasri from Nasri Clinic. Now I have confidence in my new and independent competent Doctor and his treatment plan!


CRA – Conflicting Re-assessments Always

If you have ever had a positive conversation with Canada Revenue Agency (CRA)…I want to know your magical power! I can’t ever recall a positive experience I have had with them since I started working when I was 14 years old…I’m in my late 30’s now! I’m not one for the complete elimination of CRA or taxes – even though I can’t seem to get the services promised with the excessive taking of my taxes. I totally believe that our taxes should be used to keep the basic needs of our country going – I am a social services freak after all! I also believe that the more money you make should not entitle you to a higher tax credit amount or access to better loop holes…tax it fairly…like when CRA already takes half my pay-cheque, I don’t see why I should owe them more money at the end of the year!

Sadly, a balance owing to CRA has been my situation for last couple years…and their agents are sometimes as bad as ignorant collections agents…offering the threats of wage garnishments and bank account seizures. I actually suggested once that they take over my bank account and garnish my wages, and once I’ve lost all money to maintain my living expenses, I will just go on welfare and live off the taxes…or they could accept the bi-weekly tax amount they already take off my pay-cheque and agree to the additional affordable monthly payment arrangement I suggest!

It’s funny how when you owe the CRA money, they call and hound you for it…they add interest from months before you even knew you owed money, but when they owe you money….can’t even get a clear answer as to when you will receive the money and how much interest do they owe you. My most recent experience…yesterday…with the CRA was a 2 hour discussion with 3 different people – the last person was an actual supervisor…and after 30 minutes into the discussion I wanted to jump thru the phone and punch them all in the throat!!

Why am I fighting the good fight? Recently CRA has finally approved my disability tax credit for my ADHD and Spinal Funky Chicken – allowing me to apply this credit amount against my income….and backdating it to 2006. All that was required was to submit one of their tedious adjustment schedule forms, and have it applied to my income tax for the past 7 years…it should be noted here that for the last 3 years I have had this balance owing to CRA and the credit amount was meant to alleviate that balance. Now, logically, you would think that applying a credit against income would reduce the balance owing…or even wipe out the balance owing completely right?! Well, apparently not and in fact I ending up owing them more money than before the credit was approved and applied.

As I went through an agency to complete the tax credit application, I contacted my “case manager” to discuss my confusion with the tax credit and my new balance owning. She explains that she has done the adjustments correctly, and that I wouldn’t have received a return for the years I made too much money, and of course CRA needs to be paid back their money. Still unclear as to the logical breakdown by my case manager, I contact my bookkeeper – who thankfully understands and agrees with what I am logically saying…she suggests I contact CRA for clarification…which was never clarified after 3 representatives.

1st Representative – She was very pleasant, she was willing to take the time to actually review my file, check out different systems holding different information, and to listen to the full extent of my inquiry. After reviewing my file and understanding my logical way of thinking – again that would be that a tax credit applied to income reduces tax payable to CRA – she begins the calculation process to apply the credit each year and sees that I should be getting a bigger refund. But then, out of nowhere, she tells me that her colleague will explain in further details about the refund and the process.

2nd Representative – He started pleasant but quickly turned inpatient as I requested clarification of his brief explanation. He then looked into my file and realized…”that’s bizarre to have a balance owing when there was previously a refund before the adjustment”. I told him that was my main concern, which then kicked off his frustration with my questioning attitude against the CRA authority. I explained my point again – that being that a balance owing in 2010 cannot be applied to 2007 before the 2010 income is adjusted with the credit…otherwise there is no adjustment and the CRA is taking money that is rightfully mine. I also mentioned that it seems wrong to apply a balance owing 3 years before the balance is actually owed. That’s like seeing into the future a bit right? CRA saying “hmmm let’s take money from the year 2007 because we think there will be money owed in 2010”. That is just nonsense. He then carries on to explain that he understands what I am saying, but that is not the way the system works, they always move the balance backwards to first year of adjustment. I then asked him to actually calculate it out like the initial representative did, and he explained that would take too much time and the system is correct. After an hour on the phone and frustration with the lack of customer service, I requested to speak to his supervisor…and he actually said “no”. So, I ask if he is actually denying me access to his supervisor, and he tries to backtrack (remember now…all calls with CRA are monitored for quality assurance and training purposes) he then suggests that what he is telling me is correct and his supervisor will only confirm and tell me the same. I say “great and I would love to hear the answer from them, can I speak to them?” Finally, he agrees to locate a supervisor

3rd Representative/Supervisor – She gets on the phone and questions my reason for wanting to speak to a supervisor. I explain my lengthy discussion so far with 2 representatives and request further clarification of my file. Just know that this discussion with her lasted yet another hour…and the end result was not much further ahead than the last representative. She was very loyal to the CRA systems and seemed to want me off the phone…wanting me to call back when I received paperwork that wasn’t due to be mailed out for another 2 days. She stated that I would understand fully once the Notice of Assessment was received as it would break down how the credit was applied to the balance owing. I explained that I have reviewed the Notice of Assessments with my bookkeeper, who suggested the calculation was wrong and also explained that logically I cannot owe more money to CRA after granted a tax credit to apply to my yearly income. She too, like the others before her, does the calculations of my adjusted income and notes that the total income tax payable is less than before the tax credit adjustment. I think I might have actually heard the angel song…you know “LLLLAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH” and the area brightened up for just one moment…but then shot down again when she said “yes it looks like you should get more money, but I still think the calculation is correct”. How do I move forward from here? She tells me to wait for my Notice and then if I disagree I can appeal. I tell her that I don’t have the time to wait for paperwork when I already disagree and what do I do now….and she said that I could request a review – like I couldn’t just request that 2 hours ago in the first instance!

So, now I am waiting for this review process that might take a further 6 weeks for more CRA….Conflicting Re-assessment of the Re-Assessment of the initial Assessment.

Fingers crossed the supervisor’s RUSH request for the review will bring the review date to….tomorrow would be super duper awesome!!!


Don’t Stress Your Brain, Instead Vote For The Insane

Today, I am inspired by my mother’s pride for her home country. Forget the fact that she has been a bit moody with everyone in the house because she is trying to watch the celebrations in Egypt – might I add the celebrations she is watching is a prerecorded internet video that loops back on itself and repeats every hour and a bit….but don’t tell her because she will just yell and then ask to be left alone to watch!

The celebrations are for the newly elected President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, voted into office by an overwhelming 96% of the Egyptian populations vote. And this comes after the overwhelming presence of the majority of Egyptians – of all ages, sexes, and religions – stood in Tahrir Square to rid of the first elected president Mohammed Morsi. Sisi was the Military Chief at that time and was the one to officially remove Morsi….perhaps that is the biggest reason the country not only requested he run for President but then also voted him in.

So, today Egypt’s Tahrir Square is in gleeful awwe with fireworks and dancing and utter excitement as the new President addresses his nation. He speaks of logical agreement to disagree within the government offices, and removal of corruption that has plagued the country for many years, and an intolerance for the violence resorters – not directly calling out Morsi’s supporters for their attacks on the innocent Egyptians – but an overall expression of the outcomes to come for those found guilty of violence and inhumanity. Sisi also expresses his desires to rebuild the country….not run the country on his own…but rather to have the entire country proudly put their hands, heads and hearts into the work to rebuild their home country!!

Then I look at my home country….slowly losing pride with the onset of a headache, tiresome hands and weary heart for the direction of our Country, Province and City. Everywhere you turn is a governmental scandal…or costly election due to a costly government scandal. And what do we have for candidates?

This week will see a Provincial election…where all the candidates have been travelling the province on our dime to outwardly and cowardly candidate-bash each other. The millions of dollars spent on ad campaigns, and bus tours, hotel stays and meals….all our tax dollars that each say the other is dwindling away but they are the savior…if you just vote for them.

I have never heard any of the 3 candidates actually speak about what their specific plan is and how they will implement it with logic and realism…instead one tries to deflect from his nonsense plan by accusing the other of making “union deals”… you ever wonder if he is bitter because he tried to make those deals first but was beaten to it and now he doesn’t have the million job promise he keeps quoting? Then there is the 2 women just cat-fighting it out….I would rather see couple thousand dollars spent on a mud-wrestling ring and have them fight it out there….then we could get on with our day and the needs of our Province.

What’s more sad is the rising death toll of our police, fire fighters, and everyday citizens….gun shoot-outs, house fires, road accidents….and yet the breaking news remains where each candidate will be for their daily inhumane party people bashing. Better if we could just take all that money spent on their election campaign…put it towards the public services that support our Province…and the charities needed to help people in crisis. Wouldn’t it make more sense if each candidate had to pay – without being reimbursed through expense write-offs – for their own travel, meals and marketing material (just like anyone else vying for your business)….and penalties and consequences for each broken promise and candidate bashing! Maybe then we would see some realism, appropriate behaviours, and true leaders wanting to grow with the Province and not just put their name on a permanent retirement plan for themselves!

Yes….I realize that this is sounding fluffy and insanely idealistic….and believe me I am doing the fluffly lah lah land dance of joy (mainly because I think my ultrasound results say the greedy bastard tumour has shrunk) but also because I think I have the ideal fluffy plan:

When you go to the voting poles…..don’t stress your brain over the listed numpties…..don’t restrict yourself to what they tell you….write your own name down and vote for yourself. If you find you cannot in good conscious do that….write my name down and vote for me!!

Fascination With the Dedication of Another Generation

Here’s a post full of dedications to and for the dedicated! Never mind that my requested dedication song was not played Friday night….let me sing a bit of it now…. “don’t worry bout a thing….cause every little ting gonna be alright” (my dedication to Bob Marley)!!

I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about being “old school” and it’s usually when they are offering you a lecture on how to dedicationally do something life related. Dedication was a necessity in the old school days…not much of an option but more of a natural characteristic.

I find I get lectured a fair bit…as though I am from a whole different generation – which I’m pretty sure requires them to be senior to me by least 20 years. As it turns out, I am actually only shy of them by a few years…like years in the single digits. Having said that…I also recognize that I look very young for my age (I’ve always had a younger look and disposition but I think vitamin C in the IV is keeping me that much younger)

So, what is the definition of dedicated? According to…..there are different definitions but mainly how it is to be used here is:

1.Wholly committed to something, to an ideal, political cause, or personal goal: I am a dedicated artist (dedicated to my artistic creative ability to bring laughter and fun to the office lunch room)!

2.Set apart or reserved for a specific use or purpose: I reserve the spot on the blog for this post of dedication to the dedicated!

3.To devote wholly and earnestly, as to some person or purpose: Dedicated her life to helping others and of course those dedicated to their parents, children, and spouses!

4.To offer formally to a person, cause or the like in testimony of affection or respect: I dedicate this post to all I respect and who have shown me such dedication in the same affectionate way!


So, Firstly I am totally dedicated to Canada and the holiday of Canada Day! And not just because it is my birthday, but because I hold a certain pride for my birth place and ultimate home….no matter where I travel or take up temporary residence. So to show my dedication I will be holding my annual customary “break the office day up with some laughing fun”….with the guess how many maple candies in the Canada mugs…and the score 25 points if you hit the Canadian politician on the dart board, the funny bounce and catch the little red ball with the upside down cowboy hat on your head….and of course, I will come all dressed up red and white Canada style (maybe even a skirt for those who keep requesting I embrace my girlie side more!)

I am totally dedicated to my new life perspective! Being single doesn’t allow for any of them romanticized birthday surprises (and no I won’t send myself a random gift as if I have a desperate need to be fakely loved)…but I am not too worried…..cause I know there will be plenty of life and birthdays to celebrate……and although there is that sparkling connection with superfly spy guy…..t’is early days to relish in the butterfly joys it brings in itself!


So dedicated to my second chance at life….I learned the key is to remember the first chance mistakes! Alous and Mimi….this bit is mostly for you! Yes I was listening and do agree with some of your valuable points. No I am not looking to whore around as a celebration of my second chance. As I see it, time is valuable….and there can be no regrets…..not that the first time round was full of regrets, but just that things could’ve gone differently with a little difference in my approach (yes I should’ve have adopted more of your approaches so many years ago)! Now, once I have beat cancer and cured myself of any negative body or mind invaders… is considered my second chance on life to respect, cherish, and always live with the memory of the first chance to ensure full appreciation of the wonder the second chance can be!!!

Alous and Mimi I was listening and respect your advice….I know it comes from a place of dedicated love and care…and I totally appreciate that and you”ze being there for my best interest and wellbeing! I also do agree that if my 3rd marriage is to be a keeper charm….I will have to not rush into anything with whomever is meant to be my future building charming keeper! Deuchbags don’t always show from the start…and kind gentlemen don’t start with playing time wasting games…and sex within the first week, month, or year won’t really determine the length of the relationship or level of commitment! I did have sex within the first week of dating superfly spy guy…and there is good reason to call him superfly (was awesome releasing that sexual healing!) time will tell the extent of the chemistry shared…I am not desperately seeking dedication! Now, all I was trying to say is….having learned the first life round…that certain basic verifications….like character, lifestyle, and orientation….are required if I am to build and grow my Happy Go Lucky Second Life Round!!!

Tina and Karen…thanks for your understanding…no I’m not “eating loving praying”…I am more than aware of my self character and recognize that although I wear my heart on my sleeve…I can still keep separate my huhu from my heart! I’m glad you can recognize that ADHD following stringent cancer treatments is enough rigidity for me…and like you said Tina…nothing can try to hurt me more than having and fighting cancer…not even a boy. Karen…you are my dedicated old roomie that never stays out of touch longer than a day….and now that both our corner office areas are free of watchful judging eyes…..we can talk all the life we want and not need any fake paperwork to do so!!

Cat….admiration to your dedication! Nursing your hubby after shoulder surgery just having moved with to a new place within the same month….is dedication to your building partnership! Then there is also the dedication you show to me….to attend crazy medical appts….to enjoy sinful desserts with dinner….to making shopping painless to bring out my inner girlie… come out to crazy treatment sessions….and to non-judgementally support whatever option I take moving forward…I can’t wait to dedicate time to test out the basement bowling alley!!

SED friend…..thanks ever so much for your dedication and faith in me! And I can always look to you as the success online dating can be…..well you and Mafia! Wasn’t it POF you met your hubby and the father of your 2 children? I take comfort in the hope you provide! I will definitely miss you when you are off on Maternity Leave…not because of the SED info session co-facilitation….but because of your dedication to being present for our morning tea – life updating party sessions!

Tesorsa…..oh my precious Tesora…..“good for us” we are dedicated to take life by the horns and throw it to the curb…give it a few kicks and show it who’s really boss!! Seriously, don’t worry about your ADHD son…..he will be just fine once he gets out of high school…..why just look at me…just start the looking at the 21st year….I don’t advise you look at any of the younger years or you might worry about what he might get up to!! And you have done a fantastic job with your dedication to your daughter…she seems to be ready to take the younger under her wing just like her mom takes the younger office child under her wing!!!

As for my actual birthday….well I fear the celebrations will be less this year. As you may have read, I don’t speak much with my brother….which leaves my sister in law to try and avoid having me spend time with my nieces and nephew…even tho they love spending time with me and my parents because we are the fun ones! Anyways, chances are they will gather with their friends (I am barely family right now so forget about friends for an invitation) and have a bbq at Niagara Falls to catch the fireworks…and so there will be no “World’s Greatest Aunnie” mug (I’m so dedicated to family I still have that mug from my birthday in 2005). That’s ok tho….I am not the materialistic type and I am sure that once the kids grow into themselves and are able to make decisions for themselves…they will recognize and gravitate towards our genuine dedicated love for them! I am dedicated to showing that family will always matter in my second life round….and so I may not have full on conversations…but I will show the minimal respect deserved when stepping into their home….I will dedicate the right amount of politeness deserved for the blood I share with my bro…and the blood shared with his wife and my nieces and nephew!

My mom usually dedicated to making sure I feel special on my birthday (mostly always and not just on my birthday!)….she makes me my favourite breakfast and lunch and then makes sure that we are out somewhere special for dinner (special isn’t really fancy by just somewhere where the staff come out with the whole dedication song and dance and happy clappy birthday cheers). This year, this will be missed too! Not because my mom is avoiding me….but more because my mom is totally dedicated to her religion (very similar to how I am dedicated to my higher being without the man-made religious interpretations). Today is the start of Ramadhan (the Islamic month of fasting) and so my mom will be fasting for the month. So, my birthday special dinner will be held off until August 1st……better then never!

BUT……there is also my amazing dedicated girlie posse…..showed me a birthday celebration the likes I haven’t seen since my early twenties!! The fact that I cheated on my curing diet (don’t worry it was a small poutine and again the red wine is antioxidanting right? (that one beer was only because it was a free winning beer). The ROM party night was super fun….and thanks for sticking by me and taking pictures…not only with me but also of me talking to all the other random people that you so laughingly encouraged….maybe next time I too will wear a funny hat! Also thanks for spending much of the evening on the dance floor with me…..I know 4 hours of dancing was killer with those heels…maybe next time you will agree that pretty flats are the way to go! I especially thank you Paola…..for taking us to the Spanish night club….and a whole different crowd of random people I could chat with! I also enjoyed learning the Spanish dance moves….and am not offended that you all dedicated me to the dance floor alone to learn the dance moves and then play the “tie the pencil round the waist and then shake your bootie until the pencil goes in the water bottle” I still got my shake groove….and pretty good aim too! I hope you all enjoyed the beer that was the dedicated reward for winning (a bucket of beer for good bootie shaking aim)! Amanda…thanks for the card and the red wine bottle and the dedication to helping make this evening happen! Alice…thanks for coming out and in good spirits even though you had literally stepped off a plane hours before! Yes, girlie posse…..that was a super awesome night and we should dedicate ourselves to ensuring we get out like that more on the regular…..I vote monthly fore there is always something to celebrate in every month!!!!

Dr. Elizabeth your show of dedication is inspiring and of a standard hardly seen – in any generation! And thank you for all the dedication you show while you torture me with love! Thank you for even helping me justify my cheating on treatment. I don’t cheat often…that is a testament to my own dedication…and that’s why I confess my cheating to you! I’m thankful that you’ll make sure I don’t feel guilty and I don’t cheat more often! I especially love the theory that although I drank several glasses of wine and ate that small poutine…..your acknowledgement in the fact I danced (and I know your impressed with the Spanish dancing I learned at the Spanish night club) for the whole night…was actually good and I probably sweat the poutine carbs and the alcohol toxins out my system before the cancer could dedicate swallowing it up in its negative karma greed!

Though this post may get updated from time to time with people I might remember I want to make a dedication to…there is one more person who deserves dedication right now!

Steph I am so glad you are dedicated to making a new happy and stress free home for yourself and your family! Of course I will come to the Canada Day/my birthday bbq and fireworks you are having….I am sure I share excitement and look forward to the fun-fillingly hanging out…running round….and maybe even going for a swim…with the 5 children, 4 ducks, 3 bunnies (and thanks for letting me name the one bunny…Churchill is totally fitting and matching as far as my pet’s names go!) 2 old chickens and 2 young chickens….bonus for the fireworks show that is dedicated to mark the end of the night/birth year!!

So…let the dedications rest here for now…..and may you embrace your dedication to achieve your personal goals, enjoy your successes…and relish in all life has to offer!!!

The Saving Graces Of My Heros Eminem and The Beatles

Today my ADHD almost got the better of me! If it wasn’t for the eloquent words of the musical worlds apart Eminem and The Beatles….I may have still been on the road leading up to Canada’s most north of the north!

I find myself questioning more and more….what’s wrong with the world today? I’m almost on the verge of an opinionated answer….and then comes up this f@cking shit shit joke of a show!! And for just a split second….or well more like 30 seconds…this doctor and my ADHD almost got the better of me in this joke show….almost lost my comic show value there….but rest assured my trusted followers (no I’m not starting a cult or massive protest…..yet) I am not allowing the evils of this shit show world to overtake my pleasantness goodness positive me!!!!

What has me all in a tizzy that only crazy rapper and old time magical musicians can talk me off the ledge? I went to another medical doctor today……and I was left with a feeling of AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH and the need to speed (thankfully while I was driving down the motorway at over 145kms….there were no police to add to my affliction)!

Right…let me stop the raving for just a moment to let you have a better understanding of why I’m raving mad today….and perhaps you too will be just as ravingly mad too.

So, today was supposed to be the positive results reading day with my family doctor….she has been supporting of my alternative treatment path and actually wishes me good luck genuinely after every visit (I visit her often these days to request tests and read test results and discuss referral refusals from hospitals). Imagine my excitement….as you have read I have been beating the unbeatable greedy bastard tumour….so I was naturally excited to share this news with my supportive doctor. I was anxiously impatiently awaiting to get a hold of the paper report results from the ultrasound (the one report that will show the actual reduction in tumour size from the professional radiologist perspective). This morning tho, I get a disturbing message that my family doctor appointment is cancelled because my family doctor has been admitted into the hospital herself. I almost wish they would’ve told me where so I could go and rescue her from this medical system shit joke show!

Upon calling the office to find out what to do now, the receptionist tells me that I can meet with the walk in doctor, “he is really nice and has been helping with following up medical reports, but you will have to get here now”. Fine fine I say and rush through my morning routine to get out….still with worry in the back of my mind of how my family doctor herself is doing.

As I get to the doctor’s office….surprisingly it’s a short wait to get into the room to have another short wait….but they can’t bring me down because I know it’s gonna be good good good news and worth the wait wait wait!

For sure this doctor was a little shocked and stunned when sitting across from me…..I was barely able to sit still in the chair and just spewed everything in my head….course he only asked one question “how can I help you”. I explain that I require review of results and another blood test and ultrasound requisition….as he can see in my secretive file I get monthly tests. He then decides he needs a couple minutes to try and decipher what I am actually saying. He then asks “do you have breast problems?” Breast problems????? Yes sir, I have the breast cancer as clearly indicated on my file, the blood results, the ultrasound….and what I have just finished explaining to you!!!!

I have never felt so frustrated…..and I have been in and out of various doctors with various opinions for some time now….but this guy was a true dipshit jerk-face idiot!!! He then proceeded to tell me that I should have a specialist and he could refer me to someone. Hahahaha…..perhaps it was rude to laugh in his face…but really….again with my file in front of him, he should see that I have already been refused by hospitals for a specialist. I ask him if it’s ridiculous to request a second opinion after the first opinion had me dead, undead, slightly dead, assumptions of malignancy and benignancy all within a 5 week span….I ask if he himself wouldn’t want a second opinion… which he says yes of course…and then says I should write to the college to complain.

I’m wondering if the actual cancer will be so afraid of the letter to the college that without treatment it will just run out of my body for fear of a letter I might right to the cancer god?????

He then says “you’re complicated”…..hahahaha I laugh in his face again. Now if I didn’t laugh….im sure that I would be requesting a friend type this from the plexiglass visiting area of a jail….i wanted to hit this doctor…but like headlock him and punch the nonsense shit out of him….and I am the least violent person! Anyways, I calm down and explain that I have already been refused specialist service and forced to take medical treatment into my own hands….have signed up and successfully been receiving treatment from a homeopath. Well that bruised his ego some….now it’s a pissing match of what medical treatment is better.

After acknowledging that he is not a homeopath or specialist….he carries on to explain that I “need surgery and there is no way you will get rid of it alone…..ultrasound is no matter because they don’t pay attention to size….and by your blood results, well everything is elevated and it indicates that your cancer is aggressively spreading and I could refer you to a surgeon”. Oddly enough his idea of a surgeon was the very same first surgeon I had seen who also told me I am not a candidate for surgery and pretty much dead.

Well well dumbass doctor you can’t scare me, or all you other doubters, haters and nay-sayers… are not thunder and definitely not God!! ADHD is getting the better of them….all these challenges will leave them deathly speechless when I have successfully rid myself of the cancer while still keeping my cells, immune system, hair and mind intact!!

Now, I’m sure he could see that I have had enough of this consultation, so he starts making his move out the door. But wait, I have come here for a particular reason and would like to have a copy of my reports and also new requisitions. Well, how dare I try to invoke my intelligence and confidence…..he refused me the ultrasound report and gave me a print out of the blood results I already have….he then gave me a blank blood requisition….so apparently he the expert doesn’t want to run tests to check on all the elevated previous blood results and markers…..numpty lazy doctor!!!

In my fury….I drive out to the homeopath clinic… mach speed something way past the speed limit! I’m so frustrated it is written all over my face and all the support group patients trying to figure out what happen to me….the perma smile is now smiling with something sinisterly dark…the dark being me plotting revenge I will never physically act out!! I speak to Elizabeth…and bless her soul as she tries to calm me down…tries to tell me that anger and frustration will not help me any…..she gives me a hug and another hug and finally on my way another hug!

I meet with the doctor…..whom I am sure is concerned for his safety……but I can’t very well punch out all my doctors! He asked me to go over the whole conversation with the doctor…and then tells me he has the right to refuse me paperwork and requisitions because he is only covering for my doctor….he then says not to worry too much as he may have another doctor supportive of alternatives….only if my doctor doesn’t return. No solutions here I am ready to run out and continue my mach speed journey!

Elizabeth…..I believe knowing that I would calm down if I could help someone else out…..asks me to talk to another new client about juicing and treatment. She was right…..I no longer worry about me….this fellow needs to know about juicers! Apparently, he and his wife were here to visit his mom…they live in Costa Rica full time….but having received his cancer diagnosis 2 days before leaving Costa Rica…..he was little lost on what to do. He asked what have I done so far….and well just having vented my doctor’s appointment told him I refused anything that wasn’t natural and now am being refused monitoring and consultations. Thank you Cory for disputing the doctors with me and reassuring me I have made the right decision!!!

Back in my car….amazingly I am again frustrated….and so the speeding begins. Seems one of my ADHD management techniques is motion……I could be calm calm calm in motion….mind the faster the motion the better it seems! Here’s were Eminem and The Beatles come in….stress relieving energy dispersing head bopping tunes with words to ring true!! All I can say is that “Ob La Di Ob La Da…Life Goes On….and Being For The Benefit Of Mr. K……Let it Be….because I Feel Fine…. living in this Octopus Garden”

As for the moving forward…..well a little quote from Eminem is best way to put it:

…’Cause sometimes you just feel tired, You feel weak and when you feel weak

You feel like you wanna just give up, But you gotta search within you

You gotta find that inner strength, And just pull that shit out of you

And get that motivation to not give up, And not be a quitter

No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse…

…Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out

Till my legs give out, can’t shut my mouth

Till the smoke clears out, am i high? Perhaps

I’ma rip this shit till my bone collapse…

I will be proving to the medical world…and myself…and the world that I am not dead or as far gone as everyone wants to egotistically think….and so I will succeed through this maddening Bad Ass Dash 7 km obstacle course in my local area to prove that my brains, body or bones are nowhere near collapsing….poor poor weakness will die out with all my motivated strength…..and the only place left for weakness is come out in my wheatgrass oxygenated green poo!!!!!!

And now…I’m taking Eminem and the Beatles out for a rollerblading session in the rain….. motion calmness bring it on!

Back Up Plan….At Your Service No Longer

I’m not entirely sure who decided that the number 7 was a lucky number…..or the seventh day of the seventh month would offer loads of auspiciousness…..poppycock hogwash is what it turns out to be….I’m a truly tested testament!

Truth be told….I thought the day was promising to be something to look forward to….the three days leading up to it kinda misleadingly made it look so….but it seemed that the day would only bring about the destined droppage of the back-up plan!

It would seem that time dealt out the end of the connection between spy guy and I…and it is blog worthy as you inquired once before! Turns out he was over-connected to another and under connected to me….and we all know that can’t make for effective spy action with under connectedness Mr Bond (seems also difficult to keep track of books…and dialysis versus cancer treatments)! Though I do appreciate your honestly spy guy….I would’ve preferred it was much sooner….like when I offered you the out with the text “is this the send-off collect your stuff deal”….three days before you planned this dumping date….the answer should have been yes…because clearly it was the send-off and you were just hoping you would feel better about doing it in person three days later under your sunglasses??

For serious spy guy….I can appreciate that you found a stronger connection with someone….and cutting loose the back-up plan. More though…do I appreciate your recognizing that my life does resemble your remark about my world idealistically involving a hugging of the minds in the honour of peace (and no I don’t mean resembles because there was a court and judge involved in the story)….maybe then we wouldn’t feel guilty over intentionally unintentionally hurting someone! If you hoped to continue a friendship with super awesome fantastic me….though I am not adverse….but after all the effort I have just put in that you shot down….you will have to put in the effort for the friendship you want.

So….I put my courageous ADHD face on…that appears to have a insensitive and indifferent won’t bring me down look….because I had a life and plans before spy guy and I will have a life and plan after….and there is those plenty of fish!

I take my courageous face and go meet the campground owner….after all it was just the day before that I arrange to meet with her….and she seems keen to meet and discuss options for selling her campground. Perhaps, it’s the keen connections I’m struggling with? After getting there on time and agreeing to informally chat on the deck under the sun…..and she asks me bunch of question on my background and my intentions, she then shares the story of how the grounds came to be with her initial dream and vision and says how my aim and vision was and is similar to hers (Now, I can see how you might be thinking as I was that this is just perfect start to a buyer/seller negotiation) Turns out….she was dropping me as the back up plan too!!

She asks what I want to see of the grounds…but before I could answer…moves on to explain that 2 weeks ago she accepted an offer on the grounds and she wasn’t prepared to do any discussions unless that deal fell through….but then asked again if I wanted to see the place and explore the grounds more (cause I often fancy myself some masochistically looking at the what I can’t have!!!)

Well….you know what? I am not without my own back-up plan too! I will go back on the manhunt and will find that family building soul-mate right up that small hill and around the maple tree where we will start the campground dream!

Lesson Learned: No matter the encounter for business or personal…be sure to ask whether there are any other deals on the table that have been accepted? My back-up plan is to not be the back-up plan….but rather be the main plan that requires no back-up!!


Throw Me A Bone…or A Doctor…or A Lawyer…or A Fundraising Event…or A Chocolate Chip Cookie…And I Will Make Change!

Just when I got to thinking that my bad mojo could clear out in a day…..that would be a fantastic yet misguided notion! Don’t get me wrong here…..I am totally marveling in all the positives that are coming thru my way….just curious why there still has to be some negativity?? Perhaps important to note that much of this current bad mojo isn’t actually mine….just a matter of cause for them and effect for me!!

What nonsense you ask is this all about today? Mostly about other people’s responsibilities….later we will get to what I choose as my new responsibility….Agent 009 of Change!

Throw me a Bone: Recently I have had the opportunity to catch up with some old friends on Facebook.   Sometimes it’s important to remember why you stopped being friends…and maybe these are the things that should be kept on the Facebook timeline newsfeed!! BUT…there is also the one off chance sometimes that you can appreciate reconnection with an old friend for the person they have become in the years of disconnection. Guffwes….this is about you! I must say…even though we had that little argumentative disagreement of opinions yesterday….I think that much of what you were saying was more for shock value! I know, trust, and believe that you have the gumption to be an agent of change….just looking at all the massive positive strides you have made in the last couple years….attending college, and working your art thing, and getting recognized in the local paper….something to be super proud of…and someone I am proud to call friend! You have become your own personal change agent in your own personal life, even despiting the nay-sayers of your past and present! BUT…..I will stick to my guns and my argumentative points. While we both endeavor to make POSITIVE changes within society, within different aspects and for different reasonings, our requirement remains the same….We have the RESPONSIBILITY to be POSITIVE (regardless of if we have the right to be negative) for us to be effective agents of change!

Throw me a Doctor: As you can imagine, I am required to provide documentation to my workplace for taking time off to complete treatment. Not to go into the nitty gritty illogical nonsense of the work battle, and we’ll look past the comments made by the workplace doctor of how my “form of cancer is rarely eradicated”….because I am slowly eradicating my cancer and he hasn’t had the full experience of my magical powers! As you may recall, I have been ousted by the medical professionals within my local hospitals.   I have been working only with my family doctor as the last supporting member of the “Medical Model World” for various testing to monitor the progress of my cancer treatments. This doctor is very important to me….not only as my last supportive doctor, but also as the acceptable medical practitioner for letter purposes – as her name is followed by a stamp from “College of Physicians” (this is apparently where the Gods of the medical world preside).   Sad to say at this point, my family doctor is currently off on her own sick leave – apparently for a minimum of 2 months and perhaps not to return to medical practice. Now I’m at the mercy of another new unknown unknowing doctor…and we all read about how that ended poorly the last new doctor round with refusals for blood and ultrasound requisitions and a strong desire to refer me to surgery and contact my doctor who was taken to hospital in an ambulance (could this be the reason her doctors said no more crazy ADHD patient conversation for you??). I don’t know what ever happened to the Hippocratic Oath of doctors promising to do no harm to patients (seems harmful to promote chemical warfare over vitamin based treatments), to uphold the ethics of treatment…and them were the days of true naturopathic treatments! Fingers crossed that the new doctor brought into the clinic is of a younger age with more understanding of the new trendy natural ways!!

Throw me a Lawyer: This is brief…just a quick wish for a new competent lawyer…or for some competency to slap my lawyer in the face. I am still waiting to hear back from my lawyer about the whole garnishment issue. He emailed me just to say that he was having someone look into what could be done to stop the garnishment and they should have an answer for me in the coming weeks. It seems of no matter to this lawyer that he screwed up…..and has left me holding the bag of incompetence for the past 7 years. How now do I find a trust-worthy lawyer that can and will competently take up my plight….any takers out there??

Throw me a Fundraiser: I am willing to bet that all of you have seen…and maybe contributed to…the various fundraising events of the weekend….the stand up one (SU2C) and the walk it off one (Shoppers One Walk to Conquer Cancer)….all for the research and battlement of cancer. Now, I am not suggesting that these events shouldn’t continue…..I firmly believe that fundraising brings awareness and also much needed external funds for research. It’s a bit of a shame that all the money raised will go to the hospitals and universities and cancer foundations…all with their focus of researching chemically enhanced medical research.   It is almost bordering disgust when a parent trying to remove harm from her child is caught up in a CAS battle – especially after a team of hospital doctors acknowledge that the chemotherapy treatment was not providing effective rehabilitation results…for story details click here: ( And lets not forget the radio advertisement suggesting that people get out there and do something they fear, as a way to support and stand up to fear as many cancer survivors do! I am doing something full of fear…at least this is something other people tell me…that I am brave for not taking on any “conventional” treatment! I know and see and believe there are many many other people standing up to short sighted doctors, and judgemental medical systems, and other ignorant nay-sayers! I COMMEND YOU ALL FOR YOUR BRAVERY!!!!

CHANGE AGENT 009 Responsibility: I want to see a change…..I will be the change! I cannot force a change on opinion…I cannot make my doctor better just to keep being my family doctor…I cannot force my lawyer to do the right thing….and I cannot force the world to see from my homeopathic rose coloured glasses!   I CAN promote awareness….for my fight with the health care system that uses tax dollars and regulation administration fees from naturopathic/homeopathic doctors and treatments…but don’t offer them as a viable option under Federal Health Care benefits. I CAN promote awareness…for the need to generate funds and bring about POSITIVITY for the successful eradication of many cancers through naturopathic/homeopathic treatments and this being tested and proven in the general population world for thousands of years really! They say that vitamins, and minerals, and natural remedies are not properly researched for effects and/or side effects – despite the fact that many of the approved researched pharmacological medications are derived from a natural plant/specimen!!!

I CAN and WILL write to every media source – TV(CBC, CTV, CITY TV, OMNI, GLOBAL, Ect), Radio (Virgin 99.9, KISS 92.5, BOOM 97.3, ect), Newspaper (paper and online Toronto Star, Toronto Sun, Globe and Mail, Metro, ect) – and make awareness of my current medical plight and how I am winning the fight!

I CAN and WILL continue to seek artists and other supports for generating my FREE THE CURE magnet and FREE THE CURE events….I will even lend my stand up comedic value to all potential events!

I CAN and WILL keep my POSITIVITY about me! I CAN and WILL coachingly encourage others to keep POSITIVITY in their hearts, minds, and bodies! I CAN and WILL continue to promote the viewpoint of see the amazing capabilities of POSITIVE THINKING BRINGS ON POSITIVE ACTIONS!!!

PS….Take Back the Chocolate Chip Cookie: Over the last couple of weeks, I have been a serial serious cheater on my special diet! In celebrations of birthdays…I have eaten Tiramisu, mango mousse, coconut cupcake, drank wine, wine, beer, beer, and wine! Back on my POSITIVITY band-wagon means that I now have to get back onto the diet wagon!!! I RELEASE myself of all EXCUSES…..and harness again the Magical Powers!!!


Jaffar the Butcher and Julios the Wanna Be God

So follows the famous story of the Butcher and the Wanna Be God. These were the only 2 doctors in the entire hospital that I didn’t actually get along with…and I’m sure after reading the story…you will all see why!!

It was the last week of February, about 10 days after the last needle draining by the lovely Dr. Roberts…he keeps me talking that I don’t even realize he’s drained 1.5 litres of fluid…and before you know it…he’s got one little bandage covering the needle whole – I mean little homestyle boo-boo Band-Aid! Anyhow, Dr Roberts went on vacation and so I decide i’m gonna have to call an ambulance to take me into hospital…get me in quicker than the whole meet and greet the yellow zone!

So, ambulance comes and bless the 2 young Markham paramedics…super sweet and on the ball! I get into the hospital and they get me one of the emergency quad rooms…hook me up to the oxygen and play let’s wait for the doctor.

Turns out the doctors on duty don’t feel comfortable with draining fluid and so they want to send me home with some water pills and wait till…well wait till I’ve collapsed my other lung and possibly drowned running out of oxygen…cause then they would feel more comfortable dealing with the situation?!?!

Thankfully the nurses see that the oxygen intake isn’t high enough to be sent home and so decide to advocate I get admitted until the thoracic surgeon can see me…who said he would see me that evening (I called the surgeon to explain I had an appt in their office but was now in the hospital and the secretary said the surgeon would see me on his emergency rounds) It was 3am Feb 26 when Jaffar the Butcher introduced himself…the respirologist on-call at the hospital and saying that he felt I was correct in deciding to stay at the hospital…said he paged the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon and was told I’d be seen in the morning…if I wasn’t seen for surgery prep then Jaffar agreed to do the needle draining!

Feb 27…they move me back up to the Cancer Centre…and no word from Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon! Jaffar comes in and decides he’s going to help me out and do the needle drainage…let’s just say his help was more like my detriment!

So he didn’t talk to keep me distracted…and he didn’t stop when I said it was starting to hurt…instead he let it over drain to 2 litres…and left me bleeding profusely for the nurse to dress and clean up…what he did was offer to get me strong pain meds as I could barely talk…and a chest x-ray to ensure he didn’t puncture any holes in my actual lung…even the x-ray techs were a little put off by the blood and the butchering…I mean not only did I require loads of Band aids, gauze and tape and tape and tape and then all the bedsheets and all my gowning required changing…I mean this was no Dr Roberts style treatment. I informed everyone that checked on me from that point that Jaffar the Butcher was not allowed to touch me ever again!

And still the wait continues for the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon…he actually leaves me waiting in the hospital for 5 days…each day promising to come and see me and then never showing. On the 6th day, I call the office again to ask when will the doctor come to see me as I’ve been waiting 5 days already…after the secretary puts me on hold several times (I think in hopes I’ll just hang up and go away) she comes back on the line to explain that she paged the doctor – “he said that he will come to see me the next morning and do the procedure between 8pm and 8am the next day and that I shouldn’t eat or drink all day…and also wants me to know that all the calling and paging won’t get him to come and see me quicker”…and don’t I lose my shit and explain “if he didn’t want all the dr’s and nurses and myself calling and paging…then he shouldn’t be saying that he will be coming to see me every day for 6 days without actually coming to see me!!!”

Day 7 and finally I meet the Wanna Be God…8 am he comes to my room and starts the conversation with: “just so you know…this procedure won’t cure you…your situation is fatal…with the lung cancer”. I explain that I don’t have lung cancer…and he tries to explain more of what I don’t have…and then says that the procedure works most of the time. I explain to him that I’m an optimistic person and believe the procedure will work and will ultimately stop the fluid build-up and I’m not fatally situated at all!!

The evening rolls around and the Wanna Be God has decided he’s not interested in completing the procedure…so off he puts me again, apparently profusely apologizing and saying that the other doctor will do the procedure the next day! (I am actually asking the hospital for a copy of that phone call to hear his profuse apologies) Well, let’s just say…thank you Real God for sending me a Real Doctor after the 7th day…Dr Privitera did an awesome job of keeping me calm and positive about the procedure and following up after the procedure…2 days later I was released from hospital with no signs of imminent fatality…and over 2 months later….I’m still here and breathing and clear of cancer cells in the chest… because I have magical powers powered by crazy positive thinking!

Take that Wanna Be God no good thoracic surgeon…you can’t be a God if your wrong…and turns out everything about you just plain WRONG!!! Wait till your karma comes back around!


Cheap…Frugal…or Economical

So…Zoujy and I are in the middle of a debate…the question is whether he is cheap or just being economical?

It all started when we were having an evening discussion on worldy events, current affairs, and children’s milestone birthday parties. Obviously it’s the birthday party discussion that set him off…and in response to my accusing him of being sooooo cheap for his own son’s 5th birthday party…he got all snooty and said “why don’t you write a blog post about it” Don’t have to ask my ADHD ass to do something crazy more than once!!

So, Zoujy, here is my post! All about how you so cheap towards me and the kids…but you so willing to spend whatever necessary for you and your wants and desires and “toy dolls” and “comic books” that he calls collectables!!

Now I’m probably biasedly opinionated…mostly because I never usually look at price-tags…if I want something bad enough…for me or as a gift…then I am willing to spend the money to get it! I’ve never been good at haggling or negotiating prices…I just pay what the price-tag says!

Zoujy…on the other hand…constantly checking price tags and always making statements like “I could make that for cheaper or I could find that for cheaper”. So far he has promised to make a coffee table, 2 end tables, and a display table for his daughter’s arts and crafts. What he has managed to do is buy wood and complete his table for his own letterpress machine…which he has bought a number of tools and equipment for without having it set up or ready to press – his desire to run a little side business yet can’t seem to get out of the planning “i’m gonna” stage!

Then there’s the boxes and boxes of “collector comic books”…which apparently all go with the “collector comic dolls”. Just look at the shelves and shelves of little green and black and purple dolls all over the house…

Then comes time for his son’s 5th birthday party…pretty big milestone for the little fellow! He is super excited for his birthday party and he knows he’s going to have toys and cake and all sorts. BUT Zoujy is so cheap…he tries to wrap all the gifts (some of which I bought) with one small skinny roll of dollar store wrapping paper – this blue and silver striped paper that says…wait for it….congrats wrapping

“Congratulations” and he is fully aware that his son’s favourite colour is Orange – “but all the dollar store had was this paper and pink paper”. So I asked if he considered shopping at another store – giant tiger or even Walmart. I mean for the benefit of his own only son…then I had to drive him to the Giant Tiger (better my gas then his gas)

And then there’s the time when he needed some extra cash for something…I without a second thought email transferred money (paying the $1.50 fee without a squabble). When he was ready to pay the money back…I said just email transfer it quick and easy and don’t need to faff around with writing and cashing and waiting for hold on a personal cheque…he responds with “but email transfer will cost me $1.50″…totally oblivious to the fact that I paid the fee and he wasn’t concerned about it!

Now…if you ask Zoujy if he thinks he is cheap…he will call himself “frugal” or “economical”…but I ask you all…is he being economical if he spends $100.00 on his comic books and $1.00 on his son’s birthday??

PS…no matter what I will still always love you cheap and cheerful Zoujy!!!!!!



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