ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Happy Little Big Anniversary

One year and one day since our First Date – with firm hand-shakes we declared it was “nice to meet” each other with such business like formality! We have come such a long way since then…we have lost much of the business-like formalities…we have handled with unconditional love each other’s souls and embraced each other’s craziness…and you have even managed to tame my ADHD just a little bit!

I look back on everything I’ve been thru in the last year…forced to reflect by my palliative care specialist – I’ve only known him for 10 months but he feels that me and my magical powers are well on the way to defeat the pesky cancer!!!

To my Palliative Care team of Dr. Yuen and Nurse Chandra…who continues to believe that despite the diagnosis of terminal illness…I am not terminal and they will not treat me as though…they don’t push the hard narcotics or the pharmaceuticals remedies to create more need for pharmaceutical remedies!

To my Hakuna Mushka who has supported me like only a mother can support an ill daughter…she gives up her walker to make sure I can walk beside her!

To my OW family…the unconditional love and support of all of you…the fabulous breakies and now the helping me adjust to changing the times from breakie to brunch…I will be back one day and yes I will help you process that mail!!!

To my other country family, my second moms, and outside OW friends and family…this year wouldn’t have kept me smiling without your love and support and regular visits and check ins!!

Most important though is:  To my Zoujy who continues to research any and all new hoodoo voodoo magical natural remedy that comes to Dr. Google! Don’t worry I won’t ever tell anyone you drank some turmeric milk with special green coconut oil!!

So what’s the countdown include…within this 1 Year?

2 – Chest tubes on 2 separate occasions!

3 – Random chest fluid drainages – thankfully only one by Jaffar the Butcher!

4 – Un-restful weeks in the hospital…and no I’m not palliative care even if I’m in the palliative care ward!

5 – Months of home oxygen – needing to carry round an oxygen tank and sleep with an oxygen concentrator (now I can’t sleep without some kind of background white noise)

6 – Rounds of chemical warfare chemotherapy (so glad that’s over with and now I can have the next 6 months to try and grow some hair back)

7 – Attempts of Zoujy trying to get into the wrong hole

8 – Months of courtship leading to a quickie almost impulsive yet meant to be wedding

9 – Months of cultivated relationship lending to our buying a house together

10 – Friends in total that showed up to our first house party (sadly we over estimated and bought food as if we were popular…we ended up eating grilled cheese for the next couple months)

11 – Months of just sheer amazement of what’s gone on over the last 11 months…of the unconditional support and love we have for each other…of the feeling that years have passed and we will never lose the puppy love honeymoon phase!

12 – Months for you to get your very first passport after 39 years!

Now that we got thru that first year…and packed all that into that first year…let’s start the next year’s countdown…I have faith we can pack better more positive stuff in…starting with making use of that passport so…bring on our 1st – Out of country experience!!!

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Cheap…Frugal…or Economical

So…Zoujy and I are in the middle of a debate…the question is whether he is cheap or just being economical?

It all started when we were having an evening discussion on worldy events, current affairs, and children’s milestone birthday parties. Obviously it’s the birthday party discussion that set him off…and in response to my accusing him of being sooooo cheap for his own son’s 5th birthday party…he got all snooty and said “why don’t you write a blog post about it” Don’t have to ask my ADHD ass to do something crazy more than once!!

So, Zoujy, here is my post! All about how you so cheap towards me and the kids…but you so willing to spend whatever necessary for you and your wants and desires and “toy dolls” and “comic books” that he calls collectables!!

Now I’m probably biasedly opinionated…mostly because I never usually look at price-tags…if I want something bad enough…for me or as a gift…then I am willing to spend the money to get it! I’ve never been good at haggling or negotiating prices…I just pay what the price-tag says!

Zoujy…on the other hand…constantly checking price tags and always making statements like “I could make that for cheaper or I could find that for cheaper”. So far he has promised to make a coffee table, 2 end tables, and a display table for his daughter’s arts and crafts. What he has managed to do is buy wood and complete his table for his own letterpress machine…which he has bought a number of tools and equipment for without having it set up or ready to press – his desire to run a little side business yet can’t seem to get out of the planning “i’m gonna” stage!

Then there’s the boxes and boxes of “collector comic books”…which apparently all go with the “collector comic dolls”. Just look at the shelves and shelves of little green and black and purple dolls all over the house…batman collectables collectable dolls infinity collectables

Then comes time for his son’s 5th birthday party…pretty big milestone for the little fellow! He is super excited for his birthday party and he knows he’s going to have toys and cake and all sorts. BUT Zoujy is so cheap…he tries to wrap all the gifts (some of which I bought) with one small skinny roll of dollar store wrapping paper – this blue and silver striped paper that says…wait for it…congrats wrapping.

“Congratulations” and he is fully aware that his son’s favourite colour is Orange – “but all the dollar store had was this paper and pink paper”. So I asked if he considered shopping at another store – giant tiger or even Walmart. I mean for the benefit of his own only son…then I had to drive him to the Giant Tiger (better my gas then his gas)

And then there’s the time when he needed some extra cash for something…I without a second thought email transferred money (paying the $1.50 fee without a squabble). When he was ready to pay the money back…I said just email transfer it quick and easy and don’t need to faff around with writing and cashing and waiting for hold on a personal cheque…he responds with “but email transfer will cost me $1.50″…totally oblivious to the fact that I paid the fee and he wasn’t concerned about it!

Now…if you ask Zoujy if he thinks he is cheap…he will call himself “frugal” or “economical”…but I ask you all…is he being economical if he spends $100.00 on his comic books and $1.00 on his son’s birthday??

PS…no matter what I will still always love you cheap and cheerful Zoujy!!!!!!

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To Oophorectomy or Not To Oophorectomy

Is it bad that I feel sad…mad…and glad over the loss of the potential children I might’ve had? Yep I can see how none of that would make sense! They always say “you can’t miss that which you never had”…But it seems pretty easy to miss the idea that I won’t have a daughter pine after me like I pine after my momsy…or have a son stand up for me and my wacky ways when I offer his friends some green juice to help their studies!
So…the oncologists recommends removing my ovaries…the call it an Oophorectomy!

He says that the breast cancer is feeding off my estrogen and my ovaries is just giving it more sustenance then it deserves! He so “matter of the fact” about it…which I would normally like and appreciate…but for this subject…I think I want him to be a little more understanding…a little more compassionate.

Then he says “you don’t have any children right? Well if you get pregnant…that is the mother of all estrogen production and then you probably won’t be around to see your child grow”…again so “matter of fact” that I am left to just laugh it off and say ok I will see the OBGYN specialist and discuss removing my worldly dreams thru some simple keyhole Oophorectomy surgery!

Yesterday was the OBGYN specialist appointment and it’s not like she magically had anything different to say. She feels that at my ripe age of 40, fertility is at an ultimate low anyways…add the 6 months of chemical warfare treatments and she believes that my “ovarian function is pretty much non-existent”.

She asks about the time and space between my diagnosis and chemotherapy treatment.  I explain the nightmare of the stupid people of the Mackenzie Health Centre, the alternative treatments that kept me healthy and able to work and function for a year, finally the fluid build up and the meeting of the smart peoples of Southlake Regional Health Centre.

So basically she figures that I am already in menopause…she believes that surgery is just a high risk that is unnecessary since there are medications to suppress any potential ovarian functions I may have left or that may come back after some time of clearing out the chemical warfare chemotherapy toxins.  She figures its best to look for the least intrusive and least traumatic method to help manage the breast cancer and longevity of life!

Wow…everyone is so “Matter of fact…Karma has decided this is your new dream life now and so jog on with the acceptance of it”

I know I still have my positive thinking…I still have my faith in God and the everything is happening for a reason faith…I have these 2 wonderful step-children…bless their sweet souls and I do love them muchly! I also have the most supportive Zoujy (husband) in all the lands that hasn’t made a big deal about more children or no children!

I guess I just hoped for a little more from my ADHD fun filled life!

So…the question I pose to you my readership…shall I Oophorectomy or just shoot up with a monthly ovary stoppage shot?

I welcome your thoughts and opinions!

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Ruby Murry Got Her Punjab Groove Back!!

Wedded bliss…step parenting…home ownership…Cancer squashing visualization…lung expanding…chest infection clearing…green juicing…massage therapying…ADHD…put it all together and what do you get?

Ruby Murry gets her Punjab Bollywood Groove on…Grooving it up with the small town Fair locals!

So, it’s been 2 months since I got married…1 month since we moved into our own house and overall it’s continuing to be a great experience!

It’s been over a month since stoppage of the Chemical Warfare and one month of the freaky Tamoxifen “hormone cancer kill pill”! I’ve started to grow some hair back…I’ve started to walk further and faster than I have since January…and I owe it all to the continued efforts of my positivity and my hubby’s love, support and happy-whoopy love making rituals…like on the nightly (bet you never saw that cuming cancer!!!) So…what all am I doing to keep this good?

Still keeping up the juicing but making more efforts to get ingredients from local farmers market and putting more ingredients to help build the lungs back up…what’s the list you ask?

Juice recipe – it’s potently strong and magically delicious!!!

1 small red onion; 3 cloves garlic; 1 lime; 1 small green apple; plus handful each: pineapple with core; parsley; cilantro; cucumber slices; broccoli crowns; rosemary; oregano; dill; dandelion leaves; spinach leaves; ginger pieces

Massage Therapying:

I cannot express the wonders of massage therapy…not just cause it’s nice to have a back massage…but because the back massage opens up the tight muscles that opens up the back area where the lungs have been subjected to stiffness of hospital beds and lung glue! In the 3 months of massage therapy I have been getting weekly (and not greedily but only 30 mins massages)…I have found that I can stand taller and breathe deeper and groove with more flexibility!

Cancer Squashing Visualization:

Few weeks ago, we had a scare that things were getting worse for me. I had to start sleeping with oxygen again…and I was getting short of breath quicker and lowered oxygen intake daily…then it hit hard…one night after dinner I had a fit of coughing rage!  I coughed for over 4 hours before the hubby in a panic called 911 and up came the ambulance men and the firemen and there was little me…shaved head sitting on the floor in the bedroom trying to cough out one corner of lung phlegm! So they carted me off to the dreaded hospital again…and here’s where I really took to visualization! Before I knew it…the coughing had stopped…the phlegm was not as bothersome…and the doctor was super nice and explains “well you haven’t got any worse while sat here for 7 hours and your x-rays shows little fluid but no cancer spread…take these antibiotics and rest up”

Now…I take every moment…day and night…I even dream day and night…of all these Cancer cells being squashed and shriveled up…moved thru my system by my lymph soldiers and right out in my “number 1 is pee, number 2 is poo, and number 3 is farts”!!

Exercise and/or Sexercise:

I once had a doctor tell me that the best exercise is sexercise! It’s not as harsh on the muscles and it’s good workout all around for the body, mind and soul! Not too long ago I can remember feeling like having a life partner was an impossibility for me! BUT now I know to NEVER SAY NEVER!! And not only do I make an effort to walk somewhere everyday…but WE make an effort to walk somewhere every evening…and end the night with a little humbling “shake your booty in the bed night cap”

And so that’s the story…the secret…and the recipe for how Ruby Murry got her Punjab Groove Back and won’t be losing it ever again!!

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Ruler Of The Universe

I had an Idea…..

The hubby had a “Vision”…..

the kids had paint….

and Voila!!!houserules.july21

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Fuck You Off Cancer…I’m Living Life Larger!!

Here I sit after my 6th round of chemotherapy…my last round! After “careful” review by yet another new oncologist who doesn’t know much about me….except that I am crazy with ADHD and a funky monkey hat…it is agreed that I can stop with the chemical warfare and start with the chemical hormone treatment…it’s agreed I can start the hair regrowth process…it’s all about the hair these days!!

So…firstly first we shave the Benjamin button look and bring on the Sinead O’Connor wanna be style…thanks step-baldingme.jul21daughter for your shaving abilities and you really seemed to enjoy it…possible career choice here?!

As I think of how far I’ve come…finally being able to walk leash free and talk without feeling like I’m gasping for my last breath…which is actually the fault of chemotherapy – killer of cells good and bad! But…here I am moving onwards and upwards…and I think that much of my positive progress is due not only to my continued nutty healthy kick tricks but also due to my positive mental attitude!!!

So, the last couple of months has seen significant changes for me.   It shall now and forever be known as “Summer of 15”!

Where some would think about doom and gloom of a cancer diagnosis and feed into the blackness that is cancer…I have chosen to throw caution to the wind…well more so than usual that is!

I have chosen to…. Get Married…Become a Step-Mom…and Buy a new Matrimonial Home!!!

Now I realize if you have read my previous posts…the marriage and home buying don’t seem like such a big leaps in my life….EXCEPT this time it’s for REALSIES!!!

This time I’m in LOVE with the man I married…or actual more like agreed to be purchased for a handsome dowry of….3 goats, 3 sheep and 1 bunny!

This time I’m actually thrilled about planning my future and building our home that we bought together (with the aid of a proper qualified and knowledgeable home inspector).

This time I opened a joint bank account with my husband…and no we weren’t smoking joints at the time!

This time we actually got married in front of more witnesses then a stuffed monkey and chapel secretary…and this time we actually continued talking and are living together past the wedding ceremony!

So…yeppers that’s me saying “fuck you off cancer and I’m gonna live life bigger and better than before my diagnosis”…I’m not even worried or shamed when my new step daughter tells me that shaving my already balding hair will “freak” people out….or tells me that if I’m allowed to wear make-up I can draw in some eye brows! Aren’t children the sweetest little blessings full of innocence and honesty!!

But still she hangs out with me showing no embarrassment while we walk thru our new town and eat at our new local restaurant…and she even wants to do funny face pictures in front of everyone…takes the heat off my existing freaky funny face!!

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Look Ma…I’ve Got a New Leash In Life – Metaphorically Speaking Of Course

It almost feels like for the last 6 months I have been attached to a leash…a hose up my nose pumping me necessary oxygen. Since the whole lung collapse and then the thoracic surgery…my whole hospital stay I was leashed by oxygen and chest tubes.

I thought for sure I could do away with the leash by the time I got home…that is the impulsive impatient madness of ADHD. When I left the hospital in March…I assumed it would take a minor details weekend to bring my lungs back to inflated par!

Well…I couldn’t be more wrong and it took more long!! Turns out after the first weekend of bravely trying to save face…I was actually starving my body of much needed oxygen to heal…starving oxygen to even move from the bed to the couch!

So frantically I called half a dozen doctors from the hospital trying to get them to prescribe me oxygen -who knew you could randomly get a prescription for oxygen? Bless Dr Roberts and Dr Yuan for coming thru…faxing prescriptions and requesting delivery of oxygen machines to my house!!

Well it’s now June…and I’m happy to report that for the past week…I have been leash free – yeppers no oxygen leash during the day or at night! Oh the freedom to breathe free air freely…I might light a candle in celebration!!

Why write about a new leash on life you ask??

Well tonight is to be my last leash free night…forever – dah dah daaaaaah says Law and Order!

With everything that’s been going on…I’ve also been so lucky to have met and fallen in love with my destined soul mate. And for the first time…even though it’s the third time…I’m excited and fully happily engaged in planning our marriage and buying shared property!

My new leash on life…being tied down as a happy wife!!

Happy Birthday Brettshine – Soon as tomorrow you will take your place beside me as Spouse to Ruler of the Universe! Me Lovos You Muchos Muchos Muchos!!  Just so you know I am still going to be the Majority Ruler!!!

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Jaffar the Butcher and Julios the Wanna Be God

So follows the famous story of the Butcher and the Wanna Be God. These were the only 2 doctors in the entire hospital that I didn’t actually get along with…and I’m sure after reading the story…you will all see why!!

It was the last week of February, about 10 days after the last needle draining by the lovely Dr. Roberts…he keeps me talking that I don’t even realize he’s drained 1.5 litres of fluid…and before you know it…he’s got one little bandage covering the needle whole – I mean little homestyle boo-boo Band-Aid! Anyhow, Dr Roberts went on vacation and so I decide i’m gonna have to call an ambulance to take me into hospital…get me in quicker than the whole meet and greet the yellow zone!

So, ambulance comes and bless the 2 young Markham paramedics…super sweet and on the ball! I get into the hospital and they get me one of the emergency quad rooms…hook me up to the oxygen and play let’s wait for the doctor.

Turns out the doctors on duty don’t feel comfortable with draining fluid and so they want to send me home with some water pills and wait till…well wait till I’ve collapsed my other lung and possibly drowned running out of oxygen…cause then they would feel more comfortable dealing with the situation?!?!

Thankfully the nurses see that the oxygen intake isn’t high enough to be sent home and so decide to advocate I get admitted until the thoracic surgeon can see me…who said he would see me that evening (I called the surgeon to explain I had an appt in their office but was now in the hospital and the secretary said the surgeon would see me on his emergency rounds) It was 3am Feb 26 when Jaffar the Butcher introduced himself…the respirologist on-call at the hospital and saying that he felt I was correct in deciding to stay at the hospital…said he paged the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon and was told I’d be seen in the morning…if I wasn’t seen for surgery prep then Jaffar agreed to do the needle draining!

Feb 27…they move me back up to the Cancer Centre…and no word from Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon! Jaffar comes in and decides he’s going to help me out and do the needle drainage…let’s just say his help was more like my detriment!

So he didn’t talk to keep me distracted…and he didn’t stop when I said it was starting to hurt…instead he let it over drain to 2 litres…and left me bleeding profusely for the nurse to dress and clean up…what he did was offer to get me strong pain meds as I could barely talk…and a chest x-ray to ensure he didn’t puncture any holes in my actual lung…even the x-ray techs were a little put off by the blood and the butchering…I mean not only did I require loads of Band aids, gauze and tape and tape and tape and then all the bedsheets and all my gowning required changing…I mean this was no Dr Roberts style treatment. I informed everyone that checked on me from that point that Jaffar the Butcher was not allowed to touch me ever again!

And still the wait continues for the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon…he actually leaves me waiting in the hospital for 5 days…each day promising to come and see me and then never showing. On the 6th day, I call the office again to ask when will the doctor come to see me as I’ve been waiting 5 days already…after the secretary puts me on hold several times (I think in hopes I’ll just hang up and go away) she comes back on the line to explain that she paged the doctor – “he said that he will come to see me the next morning and do the procedure between 8pm and 8am the next day and that I shouldn’t eat or drink all day…and also wants me to know that all the calling and paging won’t get him to come and see me quicker”…and don’t I lose my shit and explain “if he didn’t want all the dr’s and nurses and myself calling and paging…then he shouldn’t be saying that he will be coming to see me every day for 6 days without actually coming to see me!!!”

Day 7 and finally I meet the Wanna Be God…8 am he comes to my room and starts the conversation with: “just so you know…this procedure won’t cure you…your situation is fatal…with the lung cancer”. I explain that I don’t have lung cancer…and he tries to explain more of what I don’t have…and then says that the procedure works most of the time. I explain to him that I’m an optimistic person and believe the procedure will work and will ultimately stop the fluid build-up and I’m not fatally situated at all!!

The evening rolls around and the Wanna Be God has decided he’s not interested in completing the procedure…so off he puts me again, apparently profusely apologizing and saying that the other doctor will do the procedure the next day! (I am actually asking the hospital for a copy of that phone call to hear his profuse apologies) Well, let’s just say…thank you Real God for sending me a Real Doctor after the 7th day…Dr Privitera did an awesome job of keeping me calm and positive about the procedure and following up after the procedure…2 days later I was released from hospital with no signs of imminent fatality…and over 2 months later….I’m still here and breathing and clear of cancer cells in the chest… because I have magical powers powered by crazy positive thinking!

Take that Wanna Be God no good thoracic surgeon…you can’t be a God if your wrong…and turns out everything about you just plain WRONG!!!  Wait till your karma comes back around!

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Overwhelming Procrastination

Welcome back!!! I know it’s been ages since I’ve been here…or since posting here…I got overwhelmed by procrastination…and then procrastinated by such overwhelmingness! Since October, so much has happened, I will try to update without making this post 8 pages long…perhaps brief synopsis of each month…

November 2014 – not much happens here really…got an ear infection..and the gov’t latest scandal goes live (otherwise known as a new computer system for social services). The stress has begun…

December 2014 – I’m officially written off work full time now…not really because of medical condition but more cause of the stress at work…until Boxing Day when the fever hits and I apparently need a full day and evening of sleep. Didn’t help that this was the day after the first day I met the boyfriend’s parents…oh yeah I didn’t mention I now have a boyfriend…we’ll hear more about him as the months go on!!

January 2015 – Happy New Year everyone!! My new year is off to a bit of a rough start! Turns out the infection of December was actually the start of massive amount of fluid building in my chest area – they call it pleural effusion which doesn’t sound anything like fluid or build up!! Anyhow so I end up in the hospital with a chest tube coming out of my pleural space – 4 litres of fluid drained from my chest space in the first 24 hours. Now here’s the “everything happens for a reason” reason…I meet the most amazing doctor and nurses…the respirologist, Dr Roberts, (he’s the one that put my chest tube in) with a most amazing sense of humour and bedside manner and cohersion skills to get me to see the oncologist…Dr Kassam…and she comes to see me on a Sunday afternoon and knows her shit! Not wishy washy maybe this that or the other like my first oncologist…but more like “we can get to this and beat out this cancer and you got many years ahead of you”…that’s right she says I’m ALIVE!!! So I end up in the hospital for 2.5 weeks…and for the first week I’m stuck with this chest tube and my trusted suitcase of lung fluid (see pic on IMG_20150110_162520right)…. then I get moved to the cancer care ward…which happens to share floor space with palliative care. As they wheel me into my new room with a lovely window bed….I feel it necessary to point out that I am not palliative…and all the nurses assure me I’m not in the palliative section either!

So here’s where I start chemotherapy…yes I’ve eaten my “never chemical warfare” words and started chemical warfare…which surprisingly goes well without any real negative effects (perhaps the vitamin C treatments worked to help keep me healthy for the chemo). After watching hospital roommates come and go and final straw being the roommate that died in the room at 9am…I finally demand that I be discharged…and finally I get to go home January 26!

February 2015 – well the whole fluid drainage was short lived and I end up in the emergency 2 times to get a needle draining before landing in the hospital again for a VATS pleurodesis procedure – this is a procedure where they glued my lungs to my chest wall to prevent the fluid building.  There will be more discussion about the final needle drain and VATS in the next post…”Jaffar the Butcher and Julius Toth the Thoracic fake God”

I’d like to take this moment to say a thank you to all the love that was shown to be by: my boyfriend soon to be significant other Brettshine….my work family (y’all know who you are)….my second mom Barb….and all the sock monkeys that kept my spirits up and my smiles for miles!!! Dr Roberts, Dr Yuan, Dr Kassam, all the fabulous nurses on the Cardiac ward and the Cancer Care Ward, Norma, Fabulous Social Worker and Physician’s Assistant on the Cancer Ward! If I left you out…sorry…let me know and I will edit you in!

Just take comfort in knowing that I am now on the path to healing…and back on the path to blogging about the laughs of life!!

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Never Too Late To Be Thankful…Or To Wish A Happy Thanksgiving!

I know that I am a couple weeks late on the Happy Thanksgiving wishes…but realistically being thankful isn’t about an exact science of timing…considering I walk through life as an eternal optimist! So, now that I find myself with ample time to completely write out that which I am thankful for….I am ready to share my thankfulness!

Thankful for my family: Especially for parents that are still able to independently travel. I mean that mostly because I live with them and am now thankful that I have the house to myself while they have snow-birded away to the tropics of their homelands. I am also thankful that my parents are supportive of me and allow me to live in their house while I am resolving the many issues of my own house….health….life! I am also thankful for the renewed relationships I am building with my growing nieces and nephew….though tensions still exist between my brother and his wife…circumstances changing and compassion allows for bigger steps moving forward then in the previous 7 years….now I see the littlins almost weekly!

Thankful for my extended family: Coming from a Pakistani father and Egyptian mother results in having a massive family…probably as massive as a population of an independent country. Where ever we may land….there is always a family member to take us in and help us out! Presently, it is the Egyptian family looking out for the perfect retirement condo in Egypt…while the Pakistani members of the family continue with the British invasion!

Thankful for my work team: I have had the privilege to work with many co-workers and teams….but I feel truly blessed for the team I work with now. And that doesn’t include just my specific 800 team…but the many that share a bond with me in the same office…same division…same local government. Obviously I have done many crazy, wild silly things in my life that resulted in the need for external sane support to get me thru….to see clear and to amend my wacky ways. But this time is different and this team is different. I am most thankful for the rare care we all share!

Thankful for my health team: I suppose being asked to leave the medical-model health system for simply not choosing their specific recommended chemical warfare treatment left me a little worried about my plight…my fight…and my definitive survival. Working with my homeopathic team has brought me extra-ordinary results that now have the cancer left with a plight…a fight…and a destined dooming lack of survival!

Thankful for my friends old and new: I am not referring here to the hundreds of facebook friends that we add just to increase our online status but don’t actually know anything about 90% of them. I am talking specifically about the few people….I can count on my two hands alone…that I consider good friends and welcome journeying life with them. Being such a social butterfly always helps me to find and keep my friendship circle….some who have served a purpose…some who have served their season…and some who are in for the life long haul!

Thankful for my own strength, resilience and magical powers: Though I must admit that I am only human….I am a strong human with a magical power to be ultimately resilient. It is a matter of whatever doesn’t kill me WILL make me stronger. Considering I have no intentions of dying for another 50 years or so….just imagine how much stronger I will be! If you need help imagining that…just think the ADHD way…grandiosely ambitious everyday!

Thankful for my belief and faith and understanding that we are never alone: It’s eerie how sometimes you can feel like the only one in the whole universe with such an anger….affliction….worrisome concern. It takes a strong faith to feel and believe that no matter what the circumstances….one can never be alone….even the big bang had to have a start by someone (thing). Belief and faith keep us getting up in the mornings and pushing through our day….even for those that have faith in complaining about lack of faith! I believe whole-heartedly that everything happens for a reason and depending on your karma….those reasons usually work themselves out for the better in the end! Vision boards help with the better part…so I am also thankful I finally finished mine today and now the attraction with the universe begins!

Thankful for me: No I don’t mean that in the conceded way…but in the I appreciate all the life I have walked in my 39 years…and I am thankful for who I have become and all the great things my vision board will tell me to achieve! I am thankful that I continue my journey on a path I can always be proud of!

Last but certainly not least…..I am Thankful for beating this greedy bastard cancer tumour: I know I have been a little lacking on the updates….but things seemed to have gotten super busy with life events…and the fact that all the doctors around me seem to be getting sick – no I have not magically wished illness upon any of them but maybe they should heed some of their own advice to relax, keep calm, and stay natural!

Having said all that….I do have some recent blood work and a recent ultrasound to update on…but not until I have closely examined and fully understand the extent of the reports and the status of the greedy bastard to date.   You may wonder why the extra caution…and let’s just say that one of the many lessons I have learned in life….impulsive isn’t always the best method of goal achievement.

Of course…can’t leave without a little sneak peek right?! Blood work shows a continuous drop in tumour markers and continuous increase in hemoglobin…I am no longer supposed to be comatose. The ultrasound is a little rougher and only viewed briefly today – didn’t want to fill my head with negative assumptions….but basically the one tumour has shrank…and possibly the piece that shrank off has attempted to make a new home in my right boobie (this is known to be one of the side effects of the POLY MVA treatment). Wait….no-one panic….there is nothing conclusive about the new boobie results….I will have more to share this week after arguments with more doctors and more lengthy examination of the results.

Until then…..stay thankful and stay tuned for more to come!

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