ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Cancer Survival Journey

The starting diagnosis

Its been over 2 months now since I was diagnosed with ‘the breast cancer’ (January 17, 2014 to be exact)  I am amazed at my own ability to learn and retain the basic scientific specifics behind the cancer and the science to the natural cure of the cancer.  I’m extremely thrilled with my own resilience and that I’ve managed to keep my positive mental attitude (at times I do sicken myself with my infinite optimism).  So  how did this all kick off you ask?  Let’s try this in chronological order…there’s no reason why any of you should suffer from my scattered adhd brain storm!

Might be of some importance to mention here the tarot card reading I had in September 2013 – not that tarot card readings can cause the cancer – but this one in particular (and I totally trust the reader and shout out to you Anna) showed some positive things like my strong-willed resilience and loving friends and family surrounding me, but also showed the devil sitting close to me in a corner and seemed to be there as a result of someone putting the black eyes curse on me.  I don’t normaly believe that any one person has that much power over another person. But, upon reflection, perhaps I was just that little bit weak and that cursing gave me the extra push I needed to gain back my strength. Now, Im stronger and wiser to get rid of the curse…the heavy negative stress load…and the greedy bastard tumour!  So, back to the real point of the post here….

Around November 2013 I went or my routine annual physical…no real complaints except this burning in my hip.  My doctor is pretty thorough when it comes to my complaints and orders a couple ultrasounds – one internal and one of the top of the breasts.  I thought it was little odd for the breast request…but figured it was precautionary.  I kept my optimism about me and didn’t think much of it until the ultrasound lady became very quiet and unwilling to share anything – odd only because after completing the internal and right breast untrasound, she said I had nothing to worry about but then shut down any conversation after the left breast scan and stated only “your doctor will get the results and will inform you”.  About a week later I am sent to get the mammogram, nice enough technician actually completing the process quick as possible and showing me the actual lump.  This is where my family doctor passing the baton to the so called specialist – I don’t fault my doctor and she remains super supportive of my decisions to explore alternative options to this date.

Around December 2013 I’m referred to the Breast Clinic at Mackenzie Health, where I first meet the breast consultant Dr. Ramma Bhat (super nice and knowledgeable doctor who laughed at my sock monkey hat while I laughed at his name).  He examines my breasts…thankfully fondling both breast so as not to make the right one jealous…and then explains that there is a suspicious lump and orders a biopsy to investigate further.  I’m still optimistic here and thinking since breast cancer doesn’t run in my family, its probably a cist or something benign.

January 10th, 2014: is the biopsy date (little shout out here to Kaitlin and Danielle at the Mackenzie Health central registration – tho this was our first meeting….it was not to be the last and we shared many laughs while I registered weekly for the next 2 months…thanks for the parking secret too)  It was Kaitlin that first registered me, she didn’t really know what to say when I asked if it’d be ok to wear my sock monkey hat (I named him sockie) during the procedure…so she said it should be ok and then kindly pointed out the direction to the psychiatric ward.  Funny thing, I already knew where the ward is on the 5th floor cause my psychiatrist who won’t call me back since 2009 has his office there.  So, I make it through the biopsy…tho I must say it is most uncomfortable to watch the doctor insert some metal needle gun thing and move all around your breast and when he collects a sample it makes a loud staple gun click like sound (loud clicks are now one of my pain triggers).   The doctor says…in the way that brings me back to my childhood getting a tetanus shot and makes me want to ask for a lollipop…that I have done really well.  I suppose I can’t blame him treating me like a child while I was wearing sockie the whole time, and so he asks what is up with the hat.  I kindly inform him that “the hat talks to my inside voices so I can hear the outside world”, he figures that was too much information and kindly informs me which direction to find the psych ward.

January 17th, 2014: I’m back in to visit Dr Bhat, it is results day and im still have that optimism about me.  Cause you generally go through the phases of whatever it is, it can’t be cancer cause that won’t happen to me.  Well, I was wrong, and it was/is cancer – invasive duct carcinoma to be medically exact, greedy bastard to me metaphorically exact.  Bless Dr Bhat’s soul for he was informative of the process and the options from this point, and also explains that with such medical advancements and an early catching of cancer, it is considered chronic illness and not terminal disease.  He then orders other tests to rule out possible spreadage of the cancer, he orders a bone scan and ultrasound of all major organs and chest x ray.  This is the reason I spend loads of time and many laughs with registration, I’m known as the lady with the funky hat! The frustration is that the hospital in its own cash grabbing sorta way schedules all these tests on different days, usually week apart except that one week with 3 different days appts, each day netting the hospital a generous payment of $17 per visit.  Then there is the frustration of the confusion and misdiagnosis’ I would get from this point on.  To be continued….

Forget Operation – Misdiagnosis is the game for doctors

Last you were here, we left off with the breast cancer diagnosis….but what does this all mean for me now.

Upon hearing this news was me running around telling everyone I say that “I’m gonna shop for a new boobie on the OHIP”.  I even described the size and shape and potential purple nipple piercing (looks too painful to get on my own real nipple).  I remember coming into work the day I got the diagnosis, I put on my brave face, kept my left boobie (the diseased boobie) high in the air and offered hugs to console those who looked saddened at my diagnosis.  It seemed like the right thing to do offering hugs, when I would just non-shalantly say I have the breast cancer, and I could see the tears forming in their eyes. (I really felt the love when people started crying..but enough of the tears now..and onto the cancer-ass whooping). I suppose I was still in shock…still in the world of “maybe they’ve got it wrong or maybe it’s not as bad as it seems”.

Right, back to the story line….I won’t bore you too much with the individual testing details (I’m sure there isn’t much interesting details in lying on a bed and being scanned by some random machine), I’ll just leave it with the follow up doctor appts since Dr Ramma Bhat (yes the name still makes me giggle).

January 24, 2014 – Met with the Surgeon (Dr Weizman) but don’t let that name fool you, he didn’t turn out to be so wise!  Thanks Alice for your moral support and asking some of the questions I didn’t think to ask, even though we didn’t get any real answers.  So, Dr. Weizman starts out with the regular fondling of the boobies (I suppose for you lot it’s not so regular, but for me it has become a bit of a routine I’ve come to accept and borderline enjoy being single and all).

He finishes up the fondling assessment and sits down to inform me “you are not a candidate for surgery”.  At this point I’m thinking about the $17 parking tab racking up for this numpty to tell me I’ve wasting my time.  He clarifies his position, and tells me that the bone scan lit up and that indicates the cancer has spread to my bones.  I try to clarify, if all other scans have come back and what they indicated, he tells me that everything else looks good, unremarkable even.  The Dr carries on to say that the bone scan lit up all over the arms and legs, the left rib, and the spine; he then says that the normal course of treatment for this cancer spreadage is to meet an oncologist and start chemotherapy in the hopes it will take out the bone cancer.  Alice and I ask one simple question – “could the light up be something else, cause I know I have arthritis” and he’s quick to answer vaguely that there are other reasons for lit up bones (this point I’m picturing a disco ball through the bones and that’s why I like to flutter dance soo much) He says that it could be arthritis or paget’s disease (no idea what that is really) or degeneration, but these lights had certain characteristics.  He then says he’s making the referral for the oncologist, suggests that if I have any other questions I should give him a call and runs out of the room.  I’m still confused about his theory on the whole situation, but the jist of what I got is that he felt that he was not gonna perform unnecessary surgery because he assumed the cancer has spread through my bones and I’m pretty much dead. I choose to disagree, and not in the denial way but just in the doesn’t seem to match my body feeling way!

January 29, 2014 – First meeting with the Oncologist (Dr. Passaperuma).  Thanks Cat for being so inappropriate with me in the Chemo ward of the hospital, we were the only 2 laughing, joking and of course I’m still wearing sockie the monkey hat!

So, the Dr. starts by highlighting the reason for my referral to her, and the utmost concerns with the spreading bone cancer.  She says that they are also concerned about some lymph nodes enlarged, no spots or shadows but just a little bigger. It seems to come out of nowhere since the surgeon consult…just days before said everything else (including lymph node ultrasound) came back clear…I think they like keeping people in utter confusion to help with the fear tactics!

It’s at this point I told her that as much as I have an open mind, I am outright refusing to entertain treatment with chemotherapy.  I ask her about possible natural treatments, to which she explains “many women opt for the vitamin C injections.  If it’s stage 4 (cancer in the bones being this stage) then we consider that non curable or treatable and monitor your chosen course of treatment; if its stage 2 or 3, we consider that treatable and curable and recommend the tried and tested treatments and then you have the rest of your life to do vitamin c injections”(be nice to think I could have the rest of my life comfortably if many women survived the Vitamin C therapy!)  I think it was around this time I actually told her that I didn’t believe her about the bone cancer, but said that she could do all the testing she wanted.  I think it was also at this point, she was starting to second guess her own assumption that I was incurable.

She gets to the assessment fondling (not as enjoyable, I don’t play on that team), and measures the lump at 4cm, and suggests the surgeon can remove it if I choose. Don’t you just wish that the doctors could actually talk to each other.  She finishes up with the fondling and explains that she wants to order some further scans to see the bones more clearly, and hopefully by then the results from the biopsy will come back from Sunnybrook and she can let me know what stage and whether it’s hormonal.  She then sends me on my way, with a statement of her not prepared to discuss treatment options until she knows what she is treating (you might think that’s the wise way to do it, but it didn’t quite work out that way).  More to come shortly…

This one time at the Oncologist’s office…and phone call!

February 20, 2014 – Second meeting with oncologist, and although we have a phone argument the next day, this was the last meeting with the oncologist.  She starts the meeting by asking me if I heard from the surgeon, not so wise Dr Weizman.  She goes on to explain that he should have called me to arrange surgery.  Total confusion and growing frustration is how I feel now, and let her know that if I’m gonna consider surgery I want a referral to a new surgeon, and preferably someone with better manners and conversations skills!  You wondering how I’m back to being a candidate for surgery?  Well it turns out that after the CT scan of my bones, the medical staff had a big consultation meeting – 5 surgeons (no my boobies are not that big), 1 radiologist, 1 oncologist, 1 pathologist – and they all agreed that since the CT scan only showed something on my right rib (yes it is a bit like where’s waldo with my cancer) and my spine, they are going to assume that everything showing is benign and I have the go ahead for surgery.  Translation: I won’t net them any real money with chemo treatments, so rack up the dollars on surgery, and hence I am not as dead as they first assumed!

She then made a bit of a big deal, in that egotistical manner, that no biopsy of my lymph nodes was done despite her request.  I said I think the greedy bastard tumour is getting smaller and I would like an ultrasound with new measurement considering the CT scan showed the tumour at 2cm.  She seemed to be a little unwilling, stating that “150% you will not get rid of this on your own, and if you feel it’s getting smaller, it could be due to your periods”. I decide that I don’t really want much to do with these people anymore, and take up her challenge…Im adhd and 200% im gonna starve this greedy bastard without chemicals!

February 21, 2014 – This was the final straw day, I think for me and the oncologist.  She calls me personally in the middle of the day, after I told her secretary I refuse to attend a biopsy she is trying to schedule.  She says she is calling to explain the importance of the biopsy to ensure surgeon knows how much lymph node to remove(as she already assumed it is in my lymph nodes) I’m still fairly calm, and state my case: I explain that nothing has ever shown on 3 ultrasounds and no need to biopsy what isn’t presented She tries to justify her position, figuring “the requisition didn’t get to the imaging dept on time”.  As I start to lose my calmness, I said its all the same form and maybe it was felt unnecessary as she stated before.  She starts sounding pissy now, telling me that she needed to call to ensure that she informs me I am delaying my treatment and ensure that I understand the consequences fully and have no regrets.  I’ve lost my mind now, getting louder and I’ve set her straight on the delaying of treatment…I asked her to see it from my shoes…I understand that after they delayed 5 weeks…I’m comfortable delaying 1 week…4 weeks ago the surgeon said I was pretty much dead and not candidate for surgery and I’d meet an oncology..3 weeks ago I met you the oncologist who said the same thing and ordered yet more tests…then you all gathered around with all test results and decided to change the assumption to my bones maybe benign and im not as dead…seems only fair I deserve the 1 ultrasound I’m requesting to make my own informed decision about what happens with my body moving forward! I seem to have bruised her ego a little, and now she iterates that the delay was before she met me, I gain my calmness back and explained “this is nothing personal…I think you’re a lovely enough lady…but with all the willy nilly changing back and forth diagnosis of dead not dead maybe dead and not even knowing stage of cancer…will kill me before the cancer!”  She ends the call bidding me to take care of myself.

I end my relationship with the whole hospital in return…now I’m waiting for an intake appt with the new referral to the “Nano-bomber”…everyone keep your fingers crossed Sunnybrook and this Nano-bomber has their heads screwed on right and tight!!


April Fool Joke of a Medical System

I know this is a little late for April fools day…but I needed the time to digest and reflect. It’s unsettling to think about how our healthcare system views us, not as people in need of care and treatment but as dollar signs for each swipe of the health card and fulfillment of the pharmaceutical prescription.

So, we have all heard someone complaining about the medical system these days…but always seem to justify their situation because we ourselves haven’t had such a bad experience – until the day you have your own bad experience!

I am proudly Canadian and I even have the maple leaf stamp tattooed on my foot…I have always been proud of our systems…especially when travelling, living and working abroad. This respect has changed….decreased to almost nil respect and less trust! I have seen the struggles of friends and family trying to navigate the medical system.

My mom had a seizure in 2007 and though they can’t tell her what caused it, they are stating that she needs to take strong medications just in case it happens again. Because my mother refuses medication without proper explanation why she needs them, they refuse to continue to monitor and care for her.

My good good workmate – Tesora – has also recently been experiencing a medical system nightmare. She has been trying to navigate the system to the best benefit of her elderly parents…but yet seems to be getting shafted at every admittance (or lack of admittance). It’s sad to think that the health care system has made its mint O’money on the backs of our hard working parents, and yet it is these unappreciated seniors that are now denied treatment….and I mean even the basic minimalist treatment they deserve.

Then there is the story of my work mate Skela, who was in and out of the hospital with her little child. Her little boy was stuck in hospital unsure of what the diagnosis was, and pumped full of various medicines in the hopes of healing.

No one escapes and no one is safe! Common within this system is you attend to the hospital with something wrong…they make their assumptions and pump you full of whatever meds they have on hand (and even make you drive around trying to find medication they may not stock in their particular hospital pharmacy)…and once the spark of healing is seen, you are packed up and shipped out. But wait….you may not be healed and so back in you go for another round of haphazardness assumptions and another scoop from the medication fruit punch bowl.

It’s further disturbing to think of the gluttonous way the system makes you their personalized cash cows even after taxes and card swipes! Realistically you would think the hospital can coordinate better to ensure that when you arrive for a round of testing, you are not required to attend the hospital over several days for several hours at a time to complete the round of testing. Then you see the signs about how the parking – set at such an enormous rate – helps to contribute to the hospital so they may continue to offer you the exquisite service they don’t currently offer.

Have you seen those new commercials that show people ripping pieces of their skin and pulling out their teeth for cigarettes? They should start showing a commercial or two of people selling off a limb, or major organs, or pints of blood to seek effective and timely treatment in a hospital. And here we were thinking the American system is so bad due to not everyone having health insurance….yet we can’t seem to get proper treatment with our government assisted health insurance.

So, now you have a diagnosis….or an assumed diagnosis for the time being…and here comes the treatment side of things….where the doctors are still looking at how to make the most dosh (dough for the western slangers)! Again, they don’t seem to look upon you as a person in need of proper consultation – one that requires actual questions and answers and conversation – but rather as a chart number and a general rule of how much money each diagnosis in that chart will bring them. They have slotted out their day to offer 15 minute consultations, this is to consult on the description of a life altering treatment.

Case in point, as you know I have the breast cancer, when I was arranging an appointment with the consulting doctor for the first time I was informed that he offers 15 minute consultations. For every appointment I required after learning of my diagnosis – which turned out to be quite a few – I was told to book them into their allotted 15 minute timeslots. Now how can a person, reasonably with compassion and their promise to do no harm, actually have an informative consultation regarding life altering treatment for a life threatening cancer in that short span of time? Here‘s what I figure is the answer….they think that you should just sign up to whatever treatment they have determined and told you about in that 15 minute session, do the conventional treatment they feel will make them the most money, and move you on to the next doctor to make their fortune from you. That is what the societal norm would do.

Here’s the real point of this post…

What happens when you go against these ideas? That’s when you start to recognize the flaw-ful joke of our system. Its kind of a funny thing really, how societal norms…and even the doctors….would suggest that you always seek a second opinion of your medical diagnosis, but then (if accepted to provide that second opinion would rarely trump the previous doctor’s diagnosis. Then you would research all potential treatment options and look to your doctor for discussion of these various options…just to be sent away, with a wave of a hand and a story of how that treatment options isn‘t proven by the pharmaceutical standards (or more likely the pharmaceutical bonus structure offered to physicians of all sorts).

Again, I go back to my diagnosis as an example. I have been running around the hospital for 3 months now, subjected to various testing and scans for the doctors to get a sense of the best assumed diagnosis and treatment options. Unsatisfied with the changing assumptions and differing discussions by the one “breast health specialist” team in the McKenzie Health hospital, I asked my doctor for another referral to another hospital…after having researched many other options for treatment. My family doctor, who received all test medical report results and seems as confused as I am, agrees to the second opinion referral and agrees to support me in whatever way with whatever treatment she can.

A referral is made to the next hospital (Sunnybrook Hospital)…and so I call and speak to the intake coordinator of the breast health clinic at Sunnybrook to explain the run-around I have been dealing with at the previous hospital with the previous oncologist. The intake coordinator says she will take my referral and speak to all medical oncologists within the hospital and explain my situation and needs. The end result….wait for it….

April 1, 2014 – The intake coordinator doesn’t have the courtesy to call me back but instead….calls my family doctor to explain that the medical oncology staff within the entire Sunnybrook Hospital is refusing my referral….yep you are reading that correct as the entire hospital…and I‘m not even requesting treatment that may land a lawsuit for them doing something incorrectly, but simple discussion on diagnosis. The entire hospital does not want to offer me the second opinion that every doctor suggests you seek out. When I asked the secretary why they refused, she is unsure but states that she assumes the doctors don’t want to offer a second opinion that may trump the first opinion…and then she is unsure where to offer me another referral as she has never seen an entire hospital refuse a referral.

I know I keep saying it….but it is through disbelief and a need to make everyone aware…that in our modern day health care system…an ENTIRE hospital can refuse a referral for a second opinion discussion….and I can’t even stress or fight…because with cancer I am suppose to remain positive….WTF!!!!

Where can I turn now? Back to my belief system….this is clearly a sign from my higher being…..I have no business working with the hospital and conventional medical system doctors.

Instead, I have every opportunity and full 2 hour long discussions on diagnosis and treatment options in the alternative medical system clinic – Bless your Soul Dr Nasri from Nasri Clinic. Now I have confidence in my new and independent competent Doctor and his treatment plan!


Hooked up the IV Therapy – Day 1

Another hospital has officially refused my referral to meet me for a second opinion – yeppers St Michael’s hospital makes it 2 hospitals to refuse my referral…and so I believe that leaves me black-listed from conventional treatment!! So, I am on my curing pathway the alternative way!!

Saturday, April 12, 2014 – Finally I am receiving treatment for the breast cancer – simple intake process after but one 2 hour consultation with the Dr. Nasri…less than 2 weeks ago. He gave me his time and attention to provide full explanations of all my previous test results and future treatment options. The fact that it’s a private clinic that will cost me thousands of extra dollars is of no matter as my life is priceless…thanks PC MasterCard, fore you will be paying for parts of this treatment!!! Once I’m cured, I do think I will fight to get back some funds from the government since Ontario Hospitals that are funded by OHIP have refused to provide health services with my tax dollars that I’ve already paid! Anyhow, I started my Vitamin concoction IV therapy – mixed with some oxygen therapy and…of course can’t have the breast cancer therapy without the good ol’ boobie fondling exam! I first arrived to the clinic with my mom and didn’t know what to expect really, the last time there wasn’t too many people. This time there was 3 clients hooked up and a steady stream of clients coming in for their hook-up…turns out I was the youngest of them all by like 40 years…I’m pretty sure they thought I was the good daughter supporting my mom!

It’s a lovely clinic…with welcoming reception area and an open-spaced comfy chairs room with chains hanging from the ceiling all around for IV hook-ups (even chains hanging in the bathroom)…I suspect there maybe some S&M activities happening after hours….shhhh keep it on the down-low!! Past the comfy chair room is the needle room – little room with various pieces of equipment, IV bags and needles of all sorts. Beyond that room is the exam rooms – where the foddling exams take place and also the acupuncture (not as sharp needles for acupuncture but yet requires more patience). The nurse calls me back to the needle room, she sees I’m a little confused and slightly nervous – thanks to my ADHD I rarely get anxiously nervous. She asks what the doctor explained, I said not much other then it would be an IV therapy of a mixture of vitamins, minerals and amino acids proven to cure cancer and would start with 21 sessions – each session lasting 3-4 hours. She explains that my treatment will start with low doses of few vitamins, and will gradually increase and additions made over the 21 sessions. First, we started with oxygen therapy…no that isn’t me being hooked up to any funny gurgling noise making oxygen tanks or being stuffed in a hyperbaric chamber. The restriction with the IV in my arm was super annoying as it was…I can’t imagine the restrictions being stuffed in a chamber for hours! I’ve never had an IV before…except the 5 min IV for the CT scan couple months ago…but never had this tube like needle inserted in my vein for hours. The nurse took one look at my arm and had a look of S&M excitement…while she said ” Oooh, just look at those virgin arms, I can find so many good veins to poke, this will be so easy and good for me” – at this point, I’d take thousands of those nonsense facebook pokes over this IV. So, now I’ve got this needle in my vein and I’m unable to sit still while I know the foreign object is beyond my reach to rip out. She took my IV cherry and didn’t even kiss me after!!! Back to the oxygen therapy…which actually involves taking out some of my own blood into a vacuuming glass jar…and then injecting my blood with pure oxygen – which makes my blood bubble….looks like when you blow thru a straw in cherry juice – and then switch-up the flow, hang the bottle upside down and the blood flows back into me. Even though the whole process took like 20 minutes…it felt like hours watching the drip of the blood into the tube that is attached to the needle in my vein that I can’t reach to rip out…AARRGGHH!

All the blood has flowed back into me and now the actual Vitamin concoction therapy starts…big ass IV bag – this one full of Vitamin C…and takes and over an hour to drip into me…but thankfully my mom is keeping me occupied somewhat cause the other patients are not having any conversation and even avoiding eye contact (perhaps that is there meditation time and technique)…I’m thinking next session I will bring the beach-ball and play keepsie upsie (this being my technique for meditation!)

Next comes the homeopathic immune booster – also the time the doctor comes in and decides it would be good time for a fondling…at least when he measures the lump he is positive sounding that it is small. Also the time he thinks to take some blood for testing…now I’ve got an IV going in each arm and suddenly I’m obsessing over this foreign uncomfortable feeling (will I be able to last it out over the 21 sessions). Just when the blood is taken and I see the end of the IV drip….out comes the nurse to announce that the 3rd bag will be hooked up and that should be quick…here comes the baggie with the Vitamin B17…please let this end soon! Finally, 3.5 hours later and all IV’s out and my body full of Vitamins, Minerals, Amino Acids and Oxygenated blood, I am ready to leave the clinic…but not before picking up my baggie full of horse-pill sized supplements that have to be taken on a regimented schedule of: 2 caps on an empty stomach twice daily, 1 cap twice daily, 8 tsp twice daily, 2 caps with meals twice daily, 5 drops….and I’m sure just like the IV therapy more will be added and upgraded.

No matter what the regiment, the uncomfortable foreign IV object feeling, or the cost of this treatment….I am a firm believer that the God provided natural remedy will cure my cancer with my help of believing and changing bad habits…and so I look forward to flutteringly performing the dance of joy after the next 21 sessions….and really over the next 50 years!!!!!


Welcome To My Roller Coaster Cancer Ride – IV Therapy Day 2

Thursday, April 17, 2014 – Today was the second IV therapy day…I should’ve had my second day on Tuesday but I wanted to clear my work schedule and make sure clients were moved around. No I’m not a workaholic but I do care about my clients, my colleagues and my team-mates.

I spent the whole hour and half drive up to the clinic trying to convince myself that the IV needle will be less bothersome today…how many ways can I be wrong today?? Therapy today was hydrogen peroxide, vitamin c, vitamin b17, mistletoe, an immune booster and some funky red blood cell coax’er (apparently I am anaemic) . Elisabeth…the foreign trained medical doctor who installs the IVs and is super awesome always sharing laughs with me…tells me that they alternate between oxygen type treatments and today we can use the smaller needle because I’m not having blood taken out for oxygen but instead having hydrogen put into my blood. Of course we all have a little happy clappy yeahing session…its like their gift to me for the Easter Holiday!

Anyways, back to the point, I’m almost elated at the idea of a smaller needle and maybe I won’t even feel it slide in or stay in for the 3.5hours that the 4 IV bags will take to drip into me…but here is me being wrong..wronged..wrong again!

The needle is smaller and doesn’t sting or feel as bad as the first time round…but the catheter tube hooked to the IV bag seems defective (Elisabeth assures me it is not my arm’s fault and that this problem has only ever happened 2 other times in her long career – no it doesn’t really make me feel better but gives me something to write bloggy about)! This defective tube means that the hydrogen isn’t going in but instead my blood is leaking out…and its a little uncomforting to see a needle in your arm with blood leaking out the tube meant to put fluids in your vein…squeemish and jittery is how I react and now I just want the whole day restarted! She takes the IV joint apart…she moves this around and moves that up and down…she pulls it out of the IV clip and jiggles it just to put it back and….Voala the leaking has stopped and the Hydrogen is now dripping its burning self into my vein and blood stream…set at a fast drip, it feels like a fire starting in the most unreachable part of my arm!

I’m reminded of the movie idle hands where the fella cuts off his hand which turns out to have a mind of its own and scurried thru town on its fingers to commit mass murders – yes that’s the random nonsense I often think!!

Back to the IV hook up and with it now working proper I go back to the S&M comfy chair room and get hooked to my very own hanging chain for the next 4 IV bags to come!

I start to chat up the other patients…well my mom does most of the chatting up…she gets to know all about the lovely older German couple and the woman who’s just returned from her vacation in Turkey. Oh how I miss the days of freely travelling…the craziness experienced trying to accommodate my itchy feet! I think I will make the travel bug my new focus for the next post….the past, the present….and future daydreamed travelling round experiences….this will serve as great inspiration to ensure starvation of the greedy tumour sucker. Die greedy bastard fore you are not coming across the world with me!!!

Just when I was getting excited with my belief in the natural remedies…and day-dreaming about all my new lease on life plans…the homeopathic Dr N. throws me for a looptie looped corkscrew!

Now, Dr N. is looking over my blood results and makes his own set of mis-assumptions. He feels that due to the low levels of haemoglobin (red blood cells apparently) and the high levels of liver enzymes…he is assuming that the cancer has spread to my liver and my bones severely and thinks I should consider chemotherapy – he is concerned that the natural remedies will not be enough even though he points out again that bone cancer is incurable and chemo is just for palliative care. I question his assumptions…I am a good questioner…and he is somewhat wishy-washy with an attitude of let’s see what your family doctor will suggest and do about these results.

To be fair, I know I may have done this to myself – relying on Dr. Google for diet and nutrition without verifying my individual situation, but I also know I do not feel the way palliative care would…could…or should feel.

Dr N. is also just as confused still looking over my blood results and then says “I wonder how you are even standing and walking and awake, if your haemoglobin lowers anymore you will need a blood transfusion”.

It’s a good thing he waited for me to be IV’d and hooked to the hanging chain in his office…that way I couldn’t hop over the desk and pound some sense into him…so I just sat up straight with a smile on my face and a look of scepticism in my eyes – basically saying in my head “I don’t care what your results say and just cause you think it, doesn’t actually make it so!!”

This is a look I have come to master in the last 3 months…having to have it on hand at the ready for use when the hospital insists on playing “How dead are you today and let us assume the varied ways”!!

I return to my comfy chair, resolved that most people in the world see things from the ‘worst possible scenario’ perspective. I, however, look at all the possible reasons for the badness and seek out the ‘best possible solution’ scenarios!!

I’ve come to terms with the loss of red blood cells from the lacking protein in my diet, the fact that the blood sample was taken right after the 100ml of blood was vacuumed out of my body to be put into the glass jar…and maybe the liver enzymes came from that cheating banana coconut liqueur dessert I had with dinner 2 nights before the sample (I haven‘t had alcohol in many months before that and perhaps caused a slight shock to my liver).

Hey if the doctors can have their wacky assumptions one way…well I’m entitled to my wacky assumptions the other way…and my way is the better play for positive thinking way!!!

Solution focused: Re-introduce protein into my diet, no more shocking alcohol, steadfast in my faith and belief in natural remedies, ensure to get some regular exercise, continue on the path to starve starve starve the greedy bastard tumour!!!!


MINUS 417 SPA-tastic Experience

Super fantabulous…is all I can say after my spa treatment at the Minus 417 Dead Sea Spa…yes you should all go!!

It was just by random chance…or perhaps more like fate…I ended up at the spa. I was driving back from one of my treatments with my mom, and my mom was talking about her Egyptian Internet health guru saying how Dead Sea Salt is very good for health and skin and detoxification. Just as she was saying that…I caught the spa out of the corner of my eye…Minus 417 Dead Sea Spa…how could I not find out more about it?!

So the next day I researched the spa and the treatments and compared it to our local spa – the Briars Resort and Spa in Sutton – and was pleasantly surprised at the variety of treatments available for better reasonable pricing! What seemed more fate-ing with this spa was their offering treatments specific for the teens…since it was my 14 year old niece asking about our next girlie spa day…it seemed meant to be.

Now, just hope they are open for the long weekend and able to take on 3 girlies for hours of pampering relaxational treatments. When I called, the Spa manager was super helpful…she explained that they were full for the weekend but could fit us in for Friday…and then explained each treatment best suited for each of us.

Once we arrived….a little early to ensure we would have enough time for treatments….the spa manager was super welcoming. She even went so far as to help my mom put on her indoor slippers. She lead us to thru the door to the spa rooms…where there is also a little waiting area. She offered us green tea and fruits and cookies…and then spoke to each of us about our particular upcoming treatment. She then showed us the changing area…gave us the key to our locker and showed us to the sauna waiting area for each of us to be called to our prepared room for treatments.

My niece got the tween acne treatment facial and a spa manicure/pedicure treatment….she was so thrilled with her treatments that she promised the masseurs she would return several times. My niece said that she was so thrilled with her facial…that she got a face massage and a peeling mask and that they even steamed her face to make easy removing all her blackheads….I have to admit her face was glowing and clear. She also said that her hands and feet were most relaxed after the mani/pedi and she can’t wait to come out to girlies spa day again…she wants to try the mud wrap!

My mom got the Hot Thai stem herbal massage, reflexology, and paraffin treatment for her feet. All I can say is I will gladly bring my mom for these treatments on the regular….fore her face when she was done her treatments was one of total and utter relaxations and AAHHHHHHHH!! My mom was even given a bag which included all the heated herbs used in her massage….they explained that she just need to steam them for couple minutes and then she will use the stems to massage her hands and the pain will go away. My mom, who suffers very bad rheumatoid arthritis, was excited and returned home to immediately try her new hot stems….she also bought some dead sea salt shower scrub….and as she says everyday…”I have just had a spa shower and I feel marvelous”!!

I was recommended to have the micro-derm abrasion treatment with biox oxygen facial treatment, and a 30 minute back massage. She said that my face looked very tired and the facial would relax my face while also allowing the release of toxins from my face. Let me just say….this was the best relaxation spa treatment I have received so far….and I have travelled the world to many spas. I was slightly scared of the term micro-derm abrasion…it was really the abrasion term that freaked me out. Let me assure you know that there is no abrasion involved with micro-derm abrasion….for it is just a diamond on the end of a vacuum tube that sucked up dead skin without marking up or actually scratching the face. The facial afterwards was oxygenizing…warming peel and I got my own steaming to clear out blackheads. I walked out of the room feeling just as marvelous as my mom….and I could see the positive results when I looked in the mirror…I had my face glowing…no blackheads…and the dark circles under my eyes were reduced as was the stress I wore on my face.

So thrilled with our experience at the spa….I inquired about a loyalty card system of sorts…or somehow becoming a regular patron especially with my mother. The spa manager explained they had few packages left….they were designed for Mother’s Day…to offer up 10 mix and match treatments for almost 50% off each treatment.

With such excitement, still feeling relaxed, and quick ADHD impulsivity, I bought up 3 of these packages…..justified that the spa is actually on my way home from cancer treatments and so we can always find the time and way to get there!

Though I may not use all 10 for my niece, I know that I will definitely take my mother back there 20 times….fore it is one small token of my appreciation for the enormous support she shows me daily!!


The Time Has Come to Change the Guard…of Life!

Cancer cancer go away; in my body you cannot stay!

Here we are…17 cancer treatments in, recent blood test results, more Tarot card readings, and a Black Eye bracelet causing some badness.

Firstly, the Tarots have suggested that there is still a fight on my hands….but the cards are lighter and the meanings are positiver! A couple of differing spreads in seeking the direction I head and the needs I need to achieve my direction….I am heading in the right direction of healthiness….and even suggests of a potential love on the horizon. This could be why I have again become the community project….the distant relatives requesting my likes and dislikes for the potential matches they know of….and the friends on the continuous look out for the tall dark and handsome Prince able to tame this wild Princess. I say bring on the new relationship…..that which is not medical or therapeutic in nature. The cards say…and I choose to incorporate belief….that this relationship will be a matter of the hearts from a strong man to a strong me!!!

You may recall I bought the Black Eye bracelet about a month ago…one for me and one replacement for my dear friend Anna (she loved her bracelet by the way and I hope it brings her much goodly luck).

It seems the one I bought myself has brought me some luck while also causing me some strife…blaming my recent strife on the bracelet makes it bit easier to try and resolve! It turns out that the sparkling separators in between each Eye bead has been the cause of a metal allergy rash…and I cannot wear the protection bracelet now leaving me little vulnerable…until I’ve creatively turned the bracelet into a new non-allergy protection charm! Let it be known here that also since wearing the bracelet I have received some financial luck – every request made to seek funds for treatments has come thru and true…and I will be able to complete the extended treatments necessary – I will explain the extension shortly!

As for the treatments…we have started up with some incidents during treatments…not that being subjected to IV needling thrice a week wasn’t incident enough!

The 13th treatment incident was a snapping of the IV changer…that was an unexpected extra 1/2 hour watching Elizabeth and Dr Nasri try to take the liquid from one IV bag and place into the new IV bag all while I stare at the empty IV line and needle in my arm…that was a 4+ hour treatment;

The 14th treatment would see Elizabeth trying to pump the blood out of my arm and would then find the right spot in my right hand after 3 needle pokes (we have learned that the left arm veins as a whole are refusing to cooperate with treatment – but I refuse to lose…and banded together with the right arm veins to conspire for a winning plan…the blood and vitamins shall flow again!);

The 15th treatment was blood taking day…after 6 vials of blood taken for testing…the actual treatment could start…flowing freely and brightly from the right elbow…yet leaving a bruise and inflammation as its reminder of the trouble it endures for my win;

The 16th treatment would take extra hour just for good measure and treatment 17 would see more time wasted on a broken IV line after the extra IV bag – new medicine between the Poly MVA and the German stem cells…something made of such a stinginess and put into one of the worst spots in the vein right behind the left wrist bone! Let us hope…or rather it is my hope that the veins will show bright again in the right arm so that the remaining treatments won’t be as torturous.

What’s the extra bag you ask? It’s all about the blood results. After halfway thru treatments…it seems there is varying opinions on the blood results…t’is my regular and ongoing expectation these days!

Dr Nasri is of the opinion that the increase in my liver enzymes is a result of cancer spreadage to my liver…he is still unsure about the possible bone cancer. He has ordered the new IV bag of liver enzymes along with a new powder whey drink to aid in further boosting my immune system…that makes it a total of 4-5 IV bags each treatment and about 8 daily homeopathic supplements.

Elizabeth has a differing opinion…and the one I choose to hold onto and believe into. She feels that an important tumour marker number has decreased…that the increase in liver enzymes means that my liver is working harder to get rid of the cancer cells – not a spreadage of cancer but a killing of cancer cells! Elizabeth explained…in layman’s terms I can understand…that cancer is putting out every defense it can to survive…and potentially the additional abnormal cells found in my blood is the dead cancer cells awaiting to leave my blood stream.

My humble undoctored opinion… body and my will is way stronger than any and all cancer cells…I will defeat the cancer and my strength and resilience will last longer than this pesky greedy tumour bastard!!!

So, I have already started the war it seems….with the natural homeopathic 4 hour IV treatments, and now to add to the arsenal. I have taken apart the Black Eye beaded necklace and I have restrung it with no potential for allergy…all metals removed! I have bought the recommended juicer (Elizabeth suggested juicing, juicing, and more juicing to aid the liver with its fight), I am drinking the recommended lemon juice and baking soda to alkaline my body, and I am continuing on my thought path of….

I will starve the greedy tumour bastard and its dead cells will come out in my wheatgrass green poo!!!!!!!

Celebrate Good Numbers With Me…Come on!!!

I’m sure you all got some good reasons to celebrate…and here’s me toasting a glass (or bottle as the case was Friday) of red wine to your celebrations!

I’m well excited to celebrate so many things at this time…yes even tho I am diseased and single and slowly dwindling away my financial security…I can always appreciate the glass half full…But today…my glass is 3/4 full and the goodness is still pouring in! What has me on such a high you ask?

Well it all starts with the greatest number news in a long long time…and strange for me to like numbers being compulexic and all (that’s dyslexia with numbers)…anyways back to the point…drum rrrrrollllllll…

My cancer tumour markers…more specific the CEA 15 – 3 breast cancer blood marker…has gone down from 291 to 246…and the alkaline phosphate bone cancer blood marker has gone down from 198 to 187!! Now I’m usually a fluffy huggy social services kinda person and not willing to squish the little red spider at my desk for the bad karma…but I am super ecstatic that I am on the right path to starving the greedy cancer tumour and pretty sure this fantastic news is a testament to my good karmic energy (insects are high on the karmic scale it seems)!  High Alternative treatments of vitamins, minerals, and german fella stem cells!!!

So, as you can imagine…I have been on a natural high (mixed in with my coconut cannabis buzz of course) since Thursday…and I have been looking at everything positive as a reason to celebrate, such as……

3 – is the number of friends I went out with for a long awaited and long deserved Friday night…for a most lovely dinner and drinks evening! 2 is the number of bottles of red wine I’m sure I drank…tho it didn’t seem so at the time but really I did end up having about 8 glasses between the restaurant and the bar…thankfully I also drank about 8 glasses of water so I wasn’t totally sloshed and I wasn’t hung-over the next day!

Omega 8006 Nutrition Centre – is the juicer/food processor that was delivered and waiting for me to play with Saturday – thank the God I wasn’t so hung-over to play! I figured it was a sign to get a jump-start on the liver cleansing (8 glasses of antioxidant red wine still has alcohol ramifications on the possible diseased liver)! So to make up for the night before…I fasted from food and spent the weekend making juice upon juice upon juice – about 8 glasses of juice….and that doesn’t include the 12 ounces of wheatgrass juice…there’ll be no yellowing with me…it’s all green from here! I do strongly advise that when making Kale juice…ensure to put something not leafy green (celery was my choice) and something fruit (I used my apricot daily allowance, with a slice of green apple and 3 small pieces of pineapple) shhh on the slight cheating with the extra fruit!

7 – is the number of Bad Eye beads I used in my brand new hand-made Bad Eye Shambala bracelet…basically a bunch of knots tied around beads to make a fancy bracelet! It was actually surprisingly super enjoyable and relaxing making the knots for the bracelet and I think I might make it my new ADHD obsession…..and make some more like a ring…a necklace…an anklet…and maybe a nice purple bracelet for my moms who is the real Queen of my world!!

Zillion – is the number of views and matches I have received on my online dating profile….yes I have sucked it up like a good butter cup…put my life helmet on and braved the world of Zoosk online dating website. I actually paid for 3 months this time in the hopes that….when they say you get what you pay for it would be way better than the free POF website. To be fair…tho I seem to have loads of views and matches….there are about 10 overall profiles of men I would consider and have emailed….I will see if it pans out…as I am sure real men were outside in this weather and not surfing the net while squeezing juice from Kale!

Now that the weekend is almost over…the amazing sunny warm 24 degrees weekend it was…I only have one more thing to celebrate…or rather feel happy about before I close this post and the weekend…
30 minutes – is the time my moms and I spent laughing with each other…oddly enough it was just random laughter while trying to hang the freshly washed curtains…my mom’s had a bit of flatulence (actually it was 20 mins of farting straight ) which had me laughing so hard I was crying and she was laughing so hard she pee’ed her pants!! Now, this story is on the down-low and if you ever meet my moms you can’t mention it because she asked me through her laughter not to tell anyone….so….shhhhh! Just so you know…we stopped the laughter just enough for her to shower and me to string up the rest of the curtains…but we have spontaneously broke out in laughter since and may just keep us laughing for the next few days…the best tears are tears of joy!!

30 days – is the number of days until my birthday….and I am super duper uper excited to celebrate my birthday this year…..not because I will be 39 years old…but because I have a new outlook on life and everything is positive fluffy idealistic world view for me!!!!  Remember that now….30 days away is my birthday….just saying again!!

So…this is my Celebration post and I share with you and hope that you will always find something in each and every day to celebrate…and know that I am toasting my 1 or 2 0r 8 glasses of red wine and having a laugh with you and for you!!!


My Miracle Treatment Plan

I was recently asked to explain exactly what I am doing about my illness and how I am beating it down. I have complete faith, belief and will that I can cure myself of all afflictions! I often get asked by doctors and other skeptics how do I think I will do what the medical world can’t be sure is possible!

How will I achieve all this you may ask… I am merely human with ADHD magical powers?! Well…let me count all the ways I shall achieve what is humanly possible! As you have come to learn I love to learn and here are the important lessons I have learned so far to guide me in creating my own worldly existence baffling the medical community and other skeptics:

** Don’t try to convince yourself if you don’t believe what they tell you! Always seek out further opinions and always be comfortable with your own body’s evaluation process – you know your body best!

** Don’t live to their guestimates of your life…don’t give them the opportunity to guestimate on your life….only you and god should have that power!

** Don’t fight the signs given by your divine guidance! I asked for neon signs to be dropped on my front lawn when I was having house problems….I seemed to have missed all the subtle signs until I finally understood the boobie cancer sign. Now I don’t fight the signs…I embrace them and find the new pathway that God always has a way of lighting up for me along my journey!

** Research enough to have an understanding of your creative path….but don’t become obsessive or an information junkie….and once you find the treatment plan that speaks to you….APPLY IT…APPLY IT…APPLY IT! Don’t just talk about all the information you found while you have your McDonald’s coffee and muffin

** Will power and consistent commitment to making and keeping the changes you make!

** More faith, belief and will powered commitment to your treatment plan will ensure positive creative experiences. Positive affirmations and overall viewpoint in your mind of success will ensure you come out successful! The most known secret!

What is the treatment plan that spoke to me?

Step One: Not believing in their full guestimated negative extent of my “illness”. I would not allow the medical doctors to complete their sentences about my illness stage. I took it upon myself to research alternative possibilities for illness and also alternative treatments!

Step Two: Experiment and implement alternatives found. My most favourite implementation is: Coconut cannabis oil…homemade and drunk in my herbal tea all day every day….cancer hates all natural chemical components of marijuana…yet I love and thoroughly enjoy all the natural chemical components…and the taste is exquisite. Also…for extra fighting measures…rub a cannabis oil on the tumour itself (yes that means I rub marijuana on my boobie)

Step Three: Complete change of diet… No dairy….No carbs (which means bread, pasta, rice, potatoes)….No sugar (processed or fruity)…. most of my groceries are now done in the produce section or the farmer’s market…and I cannot forget all the nuts this nutter eats as I have no real other snack food!! Of course I must continue to live a good life and so allow myself a cheat once a month (usually as part of my team breakie…anything sista Alous bakes is good enough reason to cheat for me!)

Step Four: Juice Juice Juice! It has made a world of difference for me and my liver and offers me that thirst quenching relief that I cannot get from biting into a juicy fruit! I found that I enjoy juicing herbs as well as veggies and that one green apple allowance (parsley, basil, coriander are my most used herbs used in juice with kale, celery, cucumbers, spinach and sometimes a colourful pepper)

Step Five: Complete change of attitude…mostly attributed to the calming effect of the tea! I have learned patience and learned not to sweat the small stuff….and even more important not to sweat the big stuff….just enjoy the ride along my journey! I have always believed in remaining positive….but now I believe in creating my own positive environment….and my own healing abilities…my own creative visualizations! I have been actively trusting in my positive affirmations…meditations…and sub-conscious training!

Step Six: Pack a bag and carry on! Carry on with the camping…and the swimming…and the rollerblading and the travelling…and whatever else strikes my fancy! It is important while not giving into the medical doctors degrading diagnosis…to ensure that I remain with my uplifting regiments! I am a huge outdoorsy type and so the show must go on….there is a whole world out there that needs to be explored if I am to live out the next 60 years….can’t be living in a bubble!

Step Seven: Find the doctor and clinic and treatment option that I could agree with and believe it 100%. I have complete trust in the homeopathic clinic I attend for treatments. In total here is the breakdown of what my treatment plan included (and links should you need to research without obsession…my most valued and informed websites are: ; )

My homeopathic IV treatments went based on a “bombard the system” protocol….attending treatments 3 days a week….since April… just now in July having the protocol reduced to 2 treatment days…because of the confirmation that the treatment is working and the latest results are below!

Whats included in the IV bags?

Aside from a bunch of minerals, vitamins and once a week Poly MVA, here are the typical IV bags I get with treatment:

Ozone therapy: –

Hydrogen Peroxide therapy:

High dose Vitamin C:

Vitamin b17:


German stem cells (there is thought that they come from sheep and that is why I am now obsessed with owning and running a sheep farm): Sorry no link for this one but I will keep trying to find one!

Here are all the homeopathic supplements I take with my treatment (Poly MVA is given IV once a week…so I have included the link….I am confident you can google the other supplements)

Poly MVA:

Alpha Lapoic Acid

Active Hexose Correlated Compounds (AHCC)

Ultra Indinol Plus (DIM)

Vitamin D


Curcumin (Tumeric)

N-acetyl cysteine (NAC)

Wheatgrass juice:

Chaga mushrooms

Why have I signed up to this all encompassing complicated regime and treatment plan?

If you recall the Celebrate good numbers with me post… will notice I am keeping a record of my progress. I have been getting blood tests and ultrasounds monthly since starting the treatment….as a way to answer the question of whether I should be doing all this. After a couple months of actively pursuing this treatment….it has become almost second nature to me and not work at all….I have even learned and grown the patience required to sit in the clinic for 3-4 hours to get my IVs…and I have a system of taking my supplements through-out the day! Not only has this new regiment kept my skin clear….my hair shiny and full…my overall mental existence more calmly lively….but it has also done damage to the greedy bastard tumour:

CEA 15-3 (breast cancer tumour marker) reduced again from 240 to 170

Alkaline Phosphate (bone cancer tumour marker) reduced again from 187 to 129

The ultrasound results have also indicated that not a huge significant change in size….but a still a slight reduction of the tumour by millimetres. The images from March 2014 to June 2014 also show a different shading…the latter shows a less darker greedy bastard tumour (it is fading out and disappearing into the green poo abyss) and the tumour shape is becoming more self-contained (part of the treatment is to reduce the ability for cancer cells to bind to healthy cells) It is going down alone losing its sticky tacky glue effect!

Most Most Important thing to keep up?

So….after all this time sitting and taking supplements and special dieting….I have come to appreciate more the living arrangements I current hold…with a house steps to the lake and a life in the slow yet adventurous cottage lane! I’ve come to love my time outs at the liberation dock…the free falling jump into the lake abyss…the sun warmed water embracing me as I float and back stroke! I use this time to visualize the greedy bastard drowning and coming out my pores while the sun just burns it to ash in the water!

It’s my time to reflect on the day…my life plans…my future plans….which has changed. I am no longer aiming for a sheep farm…but rather a piece of tranquil land where I can grow natural remedies, fruits, veggies and herbs too! A place where others can go to regenerate and rejuvenate naturally…..and a place where judgment and discrimination is not found…and monies is flowing enough for everyone to share in the wealth of health!!

And when I need a break….you can find me at my Villa along the Red Sea in Egypt!!!


Overwhelming Procrastination

Welcome back!!! I know it’s been ages since I’ve been here…or since posting here…I got overwhelmed by procrastination…and then procrastinated by such overwhelmingness! Since October, so much has happened, I will try to update without making this post 8 pages long…perhaps brief synopsis of each month…

November 2014 – not much happens here really…got an ear infection..and the gov’t latest scandal goes live (otherwise known as a new computer system for social services). The stress has begun…

December 2014 – I’m officially written off work full time now…not really because of medical condition but more cause of the stress at work…until Boxing Day when the fever hits and I apparently need a full day and evening of sleep. Didn’t help that this was the day after the first day I met the boyfriend’s parents…oh yeah I didn’t mention I now have a boyfriend…we’ll hear more about him as the months go on!!

January 2015 – Happy New Year everyone!! My new year is off to a bit of a rough start! Turns out the infection of December was actually the start of massive amount of fluid building in my chest area – they call it pleural effusion which doesn’t sound anything like fluid or build up!! Anyhow so I end up in the hospital with a chest tube coming out of my pleural space – 4 litres of fluid drained from my chest space in the first 24 hours. Now here’s the “everything happens for a reason” reason…I meet the most amazing doctor and nurses…the respirologist, Dr Roberts, (he’s the one that put my chest tube in) with a most amazing sense of humour and bedside manner and cohersion skills to get me to see the oncologist…Dr Kassam…and she comes to see me on a Sunday afternoon and knows her shit! Not wishy washy maybe this that or the other like my first oncologist…but more like “we can get to this and beat out this cancer and you got many years ahead of you”…that’s right she says I’m ALIVE!!! So I end up in the hospital for 2.5 weeks…and for the first week I’m stuck with this chest tube and my trusted suitcase of lung fluid (see pic on right)…. then I get moved to the cancer care ward…which happens to share floor space with palliative care. As they wheel me into my new room with a lovely window bed….I feel it necessary to point out that I am not palliative…and all the nurses assure me I’m not in the palliative section either!IMG_20150110_162520



So here’s where I start chemotherapy…yes I’ve eaten my “never chemical warfare” words and started chemical warfare…which surprisingly goes well without any real negative effects (perhaps the vitamin C treatments worked to help keep me healthy for the chemo). After watching hospital roommates come and go and final straw being the roommate that died in the room at 9am…I finally demand that I be discharged…and finally I get to go home January 26!

February 2015 – well the whole fluid drainage was short lived and I end up in the emergency 2 times to get a needle draining before landing in the hospital again for a VATS pleurodesis procedure – this is a procedure where they glued my lungs to my chest wall to prevent the fluid building. There will be more discussion about the final needle drain and VATS in the next post…”Jaffar the Butcher and Julius Toth the Thoracic fake God”

I’d like to take this moment to say a thank you to all the love that was shown to be by: my boyfriend soon to be significant other Brettshine….my work family (y’all know who you are)….my second mom Barb….and all the sock monkeys that kept my spirits up and my smiles for miles!!! Dr Roberts, Dr Yuan, Dr Kassam, all the fabulous nurses on the Cardiac ward and the Cancer Care Ward, Norma, Fabulous Social Worker and Physician’s Assistant on the Cancer Ward! If I left you out…sorry…let me know and I will edit you in!

Just take comfort in knowing that I am now on the path to healing…and back on the path to blogging about the laughs of life!!


Jaffar the Butcher and Julios the Wanna Be God

So follows the famous story of the Butcher and the Wanna Be God. These were the only 2 doctors in the entire hospital that I didn’t actually get along with…and I’m sure after reading the story…you will all see why!!

It was the last week of February, about 10 days after the last needle draining by the lovely Dr. Roberts…he keeps me talking that I don’t even realize he’s drained 1.5 litres of fluid…and before you know it…he’s got one little bandage covering the needle whole – I mean little homestyle boo-boo Band-Aid! Anyhow, Dr Roberts went on vacation and so I decide i’m gonna have to call an ambulance to take me into hospital…get me in quicker than the whole meet and greet the yellow zone!

So, ambulance comes and bless the 2 young Markham paramedics…super sweet and on the ball! I get into the hospital and they get me one of the emergency quad rooms…hook me up to the oxygen and play let’s wait for the doctor.

Turns out the doctors on duty don’t feel comfortable with draining fluid and so they want to send me home with some water pills and wait till…well wait till I’ve collapsed my other lung and possibly drowned running out of oxygen…cause then they would feel more comfortable dealing with the situation?!?!

Thankfully the nurses see that the oxygen intake isn’t high enough to be sent home and so decide to advocate I get admitted until the thoracic surgeon can see me…who said he would see me that evening (I called the surgeon to explain I had an appt in their office but was now in the hospital and the secretary said the surgeon would see me on his emergency rounds) It was 3am Feb 26 when Jaffar the Butcher introduced himself…the respirologist on-call at the hospital and saying that he felt I was correct in deciding to stay at the hospital…said he paged the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon and was told I’d be seen in the morning…if I wasn’t seen for surgery prep then Jaffar agreed to do the needle draining!

Feb 27…they move me back up to the Cancer Centre…and no word from Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon! Jaffar comes in and decides he’s going to help me out and do the needle drainage…let’s just say his help was more like my detriment!

So he didn’t talk to keep me distracted…and he didn’t stop when I said it was starting to hurt…instead he let it over drain to 2 litres…and left me bleeding profusely for the nurse to dress and clean up…what he did was offer to get me strong pain meds as I could barely talk…and a chest x-ray to ensure he didn’t puncture any holes in my actual lung…even the x-ray techs were a little put off by the blood and the butchering…I mean not only did I require loads of Band aids, gauze and tape and tape and tape and then all the bedsheets and all my gowning required changing…I mean this was no Dr Roberts style treatment. I informed everyone that checked on me from that point that Jaffar the Butcher was not allowed to touch me ever again!

And still the wait continues for the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon…he actually leaves me waiting in the hospital for 5 days…each day promising to come and see me and then never showing. On the 6th day, I call the office again to ask when will the doctor come to see me as I’ve been waiting 5 days already…after the secretary puts me on hold several times (I think in hopes I’ll just hang up and go away) she comes back on the line to explain that she paged the doctor – “he said that he will come to see me the next morning and do the procedure between 8pm and 8am the next day and that I shouldn’t eat or drink all day…and also wants me to know that all the calling and paging won’t get him to come and see me quicker”…and don’t I lose my shit and explain “if he didn’t want all the dr’s and nurses and myself calling and paging…then he shouldn’t be saying that he will be coming to see me every day for 6 days without actually coming to see me!!!”

Day 7 and finally I meet the Wanna Be God…8 am he comes to my room and starts the conversation with: “just so you know…this procedure won’t cure you…your situation is fatal…with the lung cancer”. I explain that I don’t have lung cancer…and he tries to explain more of what I don’t have…and then says that the procedure works most of the time. I explain to him that I’m an optimistic person and believe the procedure will work and will ultimately stop the fluid build-up and I’m not fatally situated at all!!

The evening rolls around and the Wanna Be God has decided he’s not interested in completing the procedure…so off he puts me again, apparently profusely apologizing and saying that the other doctor will do the procedure the next day! (I am actually asking the hospital for a copy of that phone call to hear his profuse apologies) Well, let’s just say…thank you Real God for sending me a Real Doctor after the 7th day…Dr Privitera did an awesome job of keeping me calm and positive about the procedure and following up after the procedure…2 days later I was released from hospital with no signs of imminent fatality…and over 2 months later….I’m still here and breathing and clear of cancer cells in the chest… because I have magical powers powered by crazy positive thinking!

Take that Wanna Be God no good thoracic surgeon…you can’t be a God if your wrong…and turns out everything about you just plain WRONG!!! Wait till your karma comes back around!


Look Ma…I’ve Got a New Leash In Life – Metaphorically Speaking Of Course

It almost feels like for the last 6 months I have been attached to a leash…a hose up my nose pumping me necessary oxygen. Since the whole lung collapse and then the thoracic surgery…my whole hospital stay I was leashed by oxygen and chest tubes.

I thought for sure I could do away with the leash by the time I got home…that is the impulsive impatient madness of ADHD. When I left the hospital in March…I assumed it would take a minor details weekend to bring my lungs back to inflated par!

Well…I couldn’t be more wrong and it took more long!! Turns out after the first weekend of bravely trying to save face…I was actually starving my body of much needed oxygen to heal…starving oxygen to even move from the bed to the couch!

So frantically I called half a dozen doctors from the hospital trying to get them to prescribe me oxygen -who knew you could randomly get a prescription for oxygen? Bless Dr Roberts and Dr Yuan for coming thru…faxing prescriptions and requesting delivery of oxygen machines to my house!!

Well it’s now June…and I’m happy to report that for the past week…I have been leash free – yeppers no oxygen leash during the day or at night! Oh the freedom to breathe free air freely…I might light a candle in celebration!!

Why write about a new leash on life you ask??

Well tonight is to be my last leash free night…forever – dah dah daaaaaah says Law and Order!

With everything that’s been going on…I’ve also been so lucky to have met and fallen in love with my destined soul mate. And for the first time…even though it’s the third time…I’m excited and fully happily engaged in planning our marriage and buying shared property!

My new leash on life…being tied down as a happy wife!!

Happy Birthday Brettshine – Soon as tomorrow you will take your place beside me as Spouse to Ruler of the Universe! Me Lovos You Muchos Muchos Muchos!! Just so you know I am still going to be the Majority Ruler!!!


Fuck You Off Cancer…I’m Living Life Larger!!

Here I sit after my 6th round of chemotherapy…my last round! After “careful” review by yet another new oncologist who doesn’t know much about me….except that I am crazy with ADHD and a funky monkey hat…it is agreed that I can stop with the chemical warfare and start with the chemical hormone treatment…it’s agreed I can start the hair regrowth process…it’s all about the hair these days!!baldingme.jul21

So…firstly first we shave the Benjamin button look and bring on the Sinead O’Connor wanna be style…thanks step-daughter for your shaving abilities and you really seemed to enjoy it…possible career choice here?!

As I think of how far I’ve come…finally being able to walk leash free and talk without feeling like I’m gasping for my last breath…which is actually the fault of chemotherapy – killer of cells good and bad! But…here I am moving onwards and upwards…and I think that much of my positive progress is due not only to my continued nutty healthy kick tricks but also due to my positive mental attitude!!!

So, the last couple of months has seen significant changes for me.   It shall now and forever be known as “Summer of 15”!

Where some would think about doom and gloom of a cancer diagnosis and feed into the blackness that is cancer…I have chosen to throw caution to the wind…well more so than usual that is!

I have chosen to…. Get Married…Become a Step-Mom…and Buy a new Matrimonial Home!!!

Now I realize if you have read my previous posts…the marriage and home buying don’t seem like such a big leaps in my life….EXCEPT this time it’s for REALSIES!!!

This time I’m in LOVE with the man I married…or actual more like agreed to be purchased for a handsome dowry of….3 goats, 3 sheep and 1 bunny!

This time I’m actually thrilled about planning my future and building our home that we bought together (with the aid of a proper qualified and knowledgeable home inspector).

This time I opened a joint bank account with my husband…and no we weren’t smoking joints at the time!

This time we actually got married in front of more witnesses then a stuffed monkey and chapel secretary…and this time we actually continued talking and are living together past the wedding ceremony!

So…yeppers that’s me saying “fuck you off cancer and I’m gonna live life bigger and better than before my diagnosis”…I’m not even worried or shamed when my new step daughter tells me that shaving my already balding hair will “freak” people out….or tells me that if I’m allowed to wear make-up I can draw in some eye brows! Aren’t children the sweetest little blessings full of innocence and honesty!!

But still she hangs out with me showing no embarrassment while we walk thru our new town and eat at our new local restaurant…and she even wants to do funny face pictures in front of everyone…takes the heat off my existing freaky funny face!!


Ruby Murry Got Her Punjab Groove Back!!

Wedded bliss…step parenting…home ownership…Cancer squashing visualization…lung expanding…chest infection clearing…green juicing…massage therapying…ADHD…put it all together and what do you get?

Ruby Murry gets her Punjab Bollywood Groove on…Grooving it up with the small town Fair locals!

So, it’s been 2 months since I got married…1 month since we moved into our own house and overall it’s continuing to be a great experience!

It’s been over a month since stoppage of the Chemical Warfare and one month of the freaky Tamoxifen “hormone cancer kill pill”! I’ve started to grow some hair back…I’ve started to walk further and faster than I have since January…and I owe it all to the continued efforts of my positivity and my hubby’s love, support and happy-whoopy love making rituals…like on the nightly (bet you never saw that cuming cancer!!!) So…what all am I doing to keep this good? Juicing:

Still keeping up the juicing but making more efforts to get ingredients from local farmers market and putting more ingredients to help build the lungs back up…what’s the list you ask?

Juice recipe – it’s potently strong and magically delicious!!!

1 small red onion; 3 cloves garlic; 1 lime; 1 small green apple; plus handful each: pineapple with core; parsley; cilantro; cucumber slices; broccoli crowns; rosemary; oregano; dill; dandelion leaves; spinach leaves; ginger pieces

Massage Therapying:

I cannot express the wonders of massage therapy…not just cause it’s nice to have a back massage…but because the back massage opens up the tight muscles that opens up the back area where the lungs have been subjected to stiffness of hospital beds and lung glue! In the 3 months of massage therapy I have been getting weekly (and not greedily but only 30 mins massages)…I have found that I can stand taller and breathe deeper and groove with more flexibility!

Cancer Squashing Visualization:

Few weeks ago, we had a scare that things were getting worse for me. I had to start sleeping with oxygen again…and I was getting short of breath quicker and lowered oxygen intake daily…then it hit hard…one night after dinner I had a fit of coughing rage!  I coughed for over 4 hours before the hubby in a panic called 911 and up came the ambulance men and the firemen and there was little me…shaved head sitting on the floor in the bedroom trying to cough out one corner of lung phlegm! So they carted me off to the dreaded hospital again…and here’s where I really took to visualization! Before I knew it…the coughing had stopped…the phlegm was not as bothersome…and the doctor was super nice and explains “well you haven’t got any worse while sat here for 7 hours and your x-rays shows little fluid but no cancer spread…take these antibiotics and rest up”

Now…I take every moment…day and night…I even dream day and night…of all these Cancer cells being squashed and shriveled up…moved thru my system by my lymph soldiers and right out in my “number 1 is pee, number 2 is poo, and number 3 is farts”!!

Exercise and/or Sexercise:

I once had a doctor tell me that the best exercise is sexercise! It’s not as harsh on the muscles and it’s good workout all around for the body, mind and soul! Not too long ago I can remember feeling like having a life partner was an impossibility for me! BUT now I know to NEVER SAY NEVER!! And not only do I make an effort to walk somewhere everyday…but WE make an effort to walk somewhere every evening…and end the night with a little humbling “shake your booty in the bed night cap”

And so that’s the story…the secret…and the recipe for how Ruby Murry got her Punjab Groove Back and won’t be losing it ever again!!


To Oophorectomy or Not To Oophorectomy

Is it bad that I feel sad…mad…and glad over the loss of the potential children I might’ve had? Yep I can see how none of that would make sense! They always say “you can’t miss that which you never had”…But it seems pretty easy to miss the idea that I won’t have a daughter pine after me like I pine after my momsy…or have a son stand up for me and my wacky ways when I offer his friends some green juice to help their studies! So…the oncologists recommends removing my ovaries…the call it an Oophorectomy!

He says that the breast cancer is feeding off my estrogen and my ovaries is just giving it more sustenance then it deserves! He so “matter of the fact” about it…which I would normally like and appreciate…but for this subject…I think I want him to be a little more understanding…a little more compassionate.

Then he says “you don’t have any children right? Well if you get pregnant…that is the mother of all estrogen production and then you probably won’t be around to see your child grow”…again so “matter of fact” that I am left to just laugh it off and say ok I will see the OBGYN specialist and discuss removing my worldly dreams thru some simple keyhole Oophorectomy surgery!

Yesterday was the OBGYN specialist appointment and it’s not like she magically had anything different to say. She feels that at my ripe age of 40, fertility is at an ultimate low anyways…add the 6 months of chemical warfare treatments and she believes that my “ovarian function is pretty much non-existent”.

She asks about the time and space between my diagnosis and chemotherapy treatment.  I explain the nightmare of the stupid people of the Mackenzie Health Centre, the alternative treatments that kept me healthy and able to work and function for a year, finally the fluid build up and the meeting of the smart peoples of Southlake Regional Health Centre.

So basically she figures that I am already in menopause…she believes that surgery is just a high risk that is unnecessary since there are medications to suppress any potential ovarian functions I may have left or that may come back after some time of clearing out the chemical warfare chemotherapy toxins.  She figures its best to look for the least intrusive and least traumatic method to help manage the breast cancer and longevity of life!

Wow…everyone is so “Matter of fact…Karma has decided this is your new dream life now and so jog on with the acceptance of it”

I know I still have my positive thinking…I still have my faith in God and the everything is happening for a reason faith…I have these 2 wonderful step-children…bless their sweet souls and I do love them muchly! I also have the most supportive Zoujy (husband) in all the lands that hasn’t made a big deal about more children or no children!

I guess I just hoped for a little more from my ADHD fun filled life!

So…the question I pose to you my readership…shall I Oophorectomy or just shoot up with a monthly ovary stoppage shot?

I welcome your thoughts and opinions!


Checks and Balances…Reviews and Progresses…Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

So this year is almost over…one more week before the new year rolls in and a new journey begins! Can’t believe how quickly time goes by when you’re having fun!! Yet, I also can’t believe how much activity can pack into a year! What will ADHD crazyness bring for 2016 I wonder??

Everyone asks “how is married life” and I feel it’s great…we have been through soo much in such little time and we have built up a comfort level so sweet that it feels like we’ve been married for years!

Checking the balance…we are up there in the black…profitable in the grande scheme!

We managed to keep our bank account afloat…despite the many many trips Zougy has taken to the hardware store!

We managed to keep our house warm and cozy…especially with the installation of our new furnace and central heat!

We managed to keep the kids and cat happy and healthy…and duncan the cat guards the family at night from the upstairs landing pretending to be ready to pounce on any dangers…but runs under the bed if anything moves or goes bump in the night!

Healthy is an important one for me…as we come to the 2 year anniversary of my pesky cancer diagnosis. I’m more and more confident with each new day that i will beat down the pesky fuckaroo!I had my final review for 2015 last week…and true to my crazy form, I have boggled the mind of the oncologist!. His review went something like this… “well I am pleased with the overall numbers and results and seems your body is responding well to the treatment…i don’t know what it means that your spots are peeling but jog on and keep doing what you’re doing…Let’s say the skin is regenerating healthily!”

It also seems that my natural treatments are contributing to my positive healthy response…the honey and black seed oil, golden turmeric coconut milk, the mushrooms and vitamins, the coconut cannabis oil, and all the positivity of my friends and family is keeping that cancerous fuckaroo from gaining any steam in my body, mind and soul!!

All this makes me excited about Christmas this year…and i made out like a total superstar bandit with all the gifts i got and all the love being shared!! No not all the gifts are mine but some of the biggest ones are!

I got to see the kids pure joy and excitement of opening their “skylander and disney infinity collectable doll game figurines”…and all the artsy craftsy cool activities to do thru the next year. I am super excited i got colouring books and a super cool puzzle!

The pure joy and excitement on Zougy’s face when opening his “Star Wars Infinity game and Star Wars personalized book!

And…not that i am materialistic…but the best gifts were the heartfelt gifts from my Zougy and the kids (even the one bought by Zougy’s ex that is really from the kids cause at least she was thoughtful and now i don’t feel awkward that i made her and her lesbian lover and her lesbian lover’s daughter special shambala bracelets)

Here’s a few pictures of my favourites (the ornament with all our names is from the ex and the stuffies are from the kids)

And so from my family to yours….Very Merry Christmas…Happy Holidays…Joyous Winter Solatice to all!!!


Psychologically Damaged Or Bonused…Either Way Bring On 2016!!!

Time of need or time of want or just anytime…Zougy seems to be there for me!Though we may even be squabbling now…and though he can be ignorantly narcissistically self absorbed at times (can you guess by my tone this is indeed one of those times?!)…but no matter what he still comes back around to taking care of me! For that I luuuurve him dearly and will tolerate his selfish flaws and give him this beginning part of the post! It is a man’s business after all to flare his narcissism muscles once in awhile!

Back to me now….it was this time last year that I was losing the battle with the chest fluid…actually it was just after boxing day last year when I noticed the short shortness of breath and the odd taste of chalky chest fluid in my mouth. That was the same day I first slept over at Zougy’s parents house…after spending Christmas with his family…and the day I ended up sleeping for 18 hours and Zougy thought it would be nice for his kids to wake me up so I could meet his children for the first time!

It was a matter of weeks after that which would see me landed in the hospital for the month with those nasty tubes coming out of my chest…not taped like a fancy halloween costume but actually inserted through my skin and muscles right into the chest cavity. This was also the time Zougy…and many others…showed their true colours of love for me! I had ample visitors every day…my friends would rotate to ensure I was never alone! My Zougy came everyday after work to make sure I had healthy food and would cuddle with me on the bed until the nurse kicked him out claiming end of visiting hours!

Though I don’t ever want to experience that again…admittedly it is something that gave me humility and humbleness…a deeper understanding of the fragileness of life and the importance of recognizing and appreciating love always!

I was blessed to have such wonderful nurses who enjoyed my company not to take blood or samples but to actually engage in a laugh or two!

I had a most amazing team of doctors – respirologist Dr Roberts…and Palliative Care Dr Yuan…Who visited with me everyday! They didn’t have to but again it was about sharing laughs and appreciations instead of complaints and demands…and oncologist Dr Kassam was pretty cool too!

Then I was released just in time for the return of my mom from overseas…who didn’t know anything was wrong and left at a time when I was a-ok and still going to work! She came home to find me leashed up to the oxygen and accepting the chemical warfare chemotherapy I swore I wouldn’t.

Bless her sweet soul fore although she mismanaged her frustration in the beginning…she soon came around and took on the “let’s have a laugh and beat this fuckeroo down and here is what I learned from Dr Google today” approach with me!

You all must be wondering what is the point of walking down this memory lane eh?

Well it would seem that with my ADHD…I am either psychologically damaged or psychologically bonused or bi-polarly both!

Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling a tightness in my chest…a shortness of breath not there before the cold winter air arrived…and sharp pains in the muscles by my ribs where the tubes came out!

My massage therapist (Marilyn Dart from Platinum Spa in Keswick…you are absotutely amazing and opened up my breathing in ways no medicine could and brought me relaxation in abundance) said she also noticed a slight tightness but nowhere near where I was last year!

Zougy keeps saying it is psychological cause this time last year I was all hooked up and stuff and maybe my crazy is just associating cold snow with chest tubes!

Back in the summer, I used to yell at people from my car as I watched them walk around or run to catch a door with all their hair and ease and comfort without the oxygen tank or nose leash and shite.

And this is where my ADHD psychological bonus comes in…I persevered thru thick and thin despite the Doctors believing I was stuck on the oxygen for life…I built back my lung capacity…I played with that stupid blow the ball up game 8 times a day…did my deep breathing and exhale thru pursed lips exercises every moment I got! And I slowly but surely noticed when I was finally able to return the oxygen tank to the nay-sayers…throw out the nose leash…and walk unassisted around the block without stopping (no matter that it took 30 mins to walk the whole 500 feet)

But back is that snivelling anxiety…that sitting in the car and wondering if I can make it to the door. I find myself yawning on purpose just to ensure I can catch and keep that deep breath! I feel myself struggle in the mornings and at times worry that I won’t make it up the stairs at bedtime!

I check my oxygen intake several times a day…99 or 98 or 97 is what comes up…that is the percentage my body is taking in oxygen and also apparently the percentage of truth that I may be psychologically damaged!

So to end this post…and this year…I task my ADHD psychologically bonused self to beat out the mo-fooing ADHD psychologically damaged self….right out the ass and off any planes of existence…and take with you the cancerous fuckaroo!!

Happy New Year To Everyone…I wish you all Peace and Joy and Love and Health and Positivity and Prosperity for the new year and many more years to come!

Onwards and Upwards!!!



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