ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Lets Review How My Groove Confuses The Medical Rule

About 3 weeks ago I had my first review of the year…my Spring forward review and it was a doozy!

It would appear that me and my ADHD crazy are continuing to stump the entire medical field of North America…or York Region at least.

From my first hospital diagnosis…it seems that I would not play by the “medical rule”…thus causing the first oncologist to speculate that I was stage 4 on my way off the Earth while also arguing that I am not reflective of the dire news of my paper diagnosis and therefore tried to assume that the diagnosis was not so correct…basically she was just making shit up as she was going along meeting me every couple of weeks. The main problem is that she did it so poorly and lacked major confidence with her bull-kaka and thus causing me to want more opinions!

Skipping happily past the 2 hospitals refusing my referral, the employer rehabilitation doctor that stated my “form of cancer is rarely eradicated anyways”, the naturopath doctor who did my holistic treatments for 8 months whom himself ironically has now passed away, and the hospital stay and chemotherapy treatments just undergone a year ago…and let us fast forward to today’s bull-kaka!

My current oncologist is now expressing mass confusion. He has been in this little whirlwind of his for a few months now…I would say this is my third review with him where he just looks dazed and confused…like maybe he is reacting strongly to my coco-cannabis oil tea!!

Firstly, the nurse meets me and asks how things are with me and how do I feel. I express that I am confused why I didn’t get extensive blood work since being on blood thinners and tamoxifen which states regular monitoring of liver and blood is important…and then there is the CT scans that I am supposed to get every 3 months but haven’t had one since November 2015. She responds with a few finger taps on the computer and a head nodding agreement that something is amiss…tells me I am right and good for me for noting that…so now I am left to wonder when they will forward me part of the OHIP reimbursement they receive from Health Canada since I am doing their job and doing it better?!

Enter oncologist like fast and furious just to say…..

“So I don’t know what to do with you…some of your numbers are up and some are   down and I don’t know what that means exactly and I don’t know what to do with you…normally with your numbers and situation people are looking bad and feeling bad and on their way out…but you look good and so I don’t really know what to do with you”

I should’ve known from the last couple reviews not to expect much since 2 reviews ago he suggested:

“Why are you eating healthy…now is the time to just eat whatever you want…load up on the McDonalds and stuff to gain weight and enjoy your time”

It would appear that this guy had me written off months ago and is now super confused how I am still coming…driving myself in…for reviews. To be honest…at this point I myself am wondering why I am still attending reviews!!

Then he asks me if I am doing anything new or different…to which I reply that I am just continuing with my natural remedies along with the positive attitude and the medication he has me on…and he continues to look stumped!

Let us now review what it is I do to keep me looking and feeling this good!

Firstly: I continue to think and feel and believe positivity!! I believe that the cancer is so afraid of me and my positivity that the cancer is looking for any escape out of my body and…isn’t the blood sucking tube one outlet? This is my justification for why some of the tumour markers are up!

Secondly: I continue to take my Black Seed Oil and Honey mix twice daily! It is known to cure all disease except death…and clearly I am not meant to die anytime soon!

Thirdly: I am now regularly making cancer killing candy…yumm yumm and not McDonald’s grossness! Here are few pictures to help make sense…basically blend ginger with honey and dehydrate for 24-36hours…spiced yummyness!

ginger candy1      ginger candy2



Fourthly: I also be making tasty Tumeric Honey Blackpepper coconut oil frozen discs of cancer killing yummynessness!

tumeric candy

Fively: I have begun using Essential oils – tea tree oil and frankincense – topical on my cancerous skin spots. I have only started this a couple weeks ago so there isn’t enough time to really say much…except that some of the spots actually appear lighter and smaller!

Sixly: Mission gain weight! I have lost a fair bit of weight during this journey and so now trying to healthily put the weight back on…without the refined and processed foods. Other than eating fruits and veggies and reintroducing some breads and some meats…I have found the absolute best nondairy ice cream ever ever made…so good I am considering buying stock in the companies…all 2 of them and perhaps the dividends will help pay for my grocery bill!! Luna & Larry”s and So Delicious Dairy Free Desserts!

ice cream heaven

Sevenly: Consider…again…the natural…alternative…unconventional treatments offered in Baja Mexico at Hope4Cancer Clinic!!  It is suggested that I take the viral drug PNC-27 and the SPDT therapy…

I would welcome anyone who has any knowledge or stories of Mexico…hopefully success stories but open to all feedback!!





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Awesome opportunity to spread and share!! Thanks Vic

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Inspired by the Inspired to Keep Inspiring!

Recently a very near dear friend of mine….best known as my old roomie…..wrote a very special article about me! I am totally flattered and totally proud of her skillful writing and her putting her feelings out there for the world….the Toronto Star Touch App world that is….to see!

Can’t imagine the number of people who write articles every day for newspapers that get turned away…poor stories or poor writing skills or combination of both. I admit I enjoyed reading the article…who wouldn’t enjoy reading about positiveness written about them and written so talentedly?

Here is the link for the story: The Courage to be Vulnerable, With a Cloak of Invincibility

Though I can’t get an article written in the paper about my roomie…the author….I can share my thoughts and feelings here.

I want to share how much of an inspiration she is to me…and to many other people she touches! I want to share that she inspires me to be a fighter with warrior strength to be able to stand next to her as a comrade….professional and personal!

She is a strong woman….and a strong mother….a strong professional….and a strong friend!

While I shared my vulnerability with her…she shared with me a glimpse into her reality…she shared with me how she has inspired me to keep up my courage!

I am inspired by her mothering skills…she shows me how to be a better parent even if it is only as a step parent….I see the true inspiration she has provided her children in their eyes and conversation and success they have achieved!

I am inspired by her professional skills…she shows me how to be a better professional even if we carry a different caseload of differing clientele. She shows me the compassion she holds supporting clients and colleagues with outside the box actions….often going above and beyond the “stated duties” of the job and at times proving the shortfalls of the supervisors!

I am inspired by her personal skills….she shows me that it is ok to trust people in the world still. Even though it is a risk to be vulnerable…more risky these days with the world revolving around greed and narcissism….she proves that the risk is sometimes worth it….fore sometimes you find a diamond in all that roughage!

I am inspired by HER….the “struggle is real” and she has powered through and achieved it all! She has pounded the pavement and pursued her dreams…she continues to pursue and continues to set a better and higher standard for herself to continue the upwards and onwards journey!

So…as she speaks of my inspiration to her…I speak of how she keeps me inspired to inspire! She encourages me to share my ADHD crazy with the world!

I have no doubts that she will achieve all her dreams…all her goals moving forward!

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Trickle Up Economics

Would you trade your humanity for money?

Does it make you as sad as I am to think of all the supposed “do-gooders” that preach about charity or public money or essential and valuable customer service out of one side of their mouth while telling their underlings and minions and non-believing front liners that making high salaries and larger profits is just good old fashion business politics!

And that isn’t even including the deplorable profiting from wars, chronic illness, drug addiction, or other such acts and events!

Over the recent years it seems like all front liners in the professional and labour workforces have been regularly striking… Not without just cause either!

We have seen countless government scandals of mismanaged budgets, oopsie daisy outsourced contract scandals, and just plain “bold in your face” political kickbacks for senior management and elected government officials!

When the crisis hits…it’s the front liner that is out there making things better…cleaning up the mess and minding the people affected! Managers and politicians are simply given updates…again by front liners…of the progress on the “crisis situation”. Then when all is said and done…those senior managers and politicians get up on their soapbox and speak of gratitude and appreciation for the work of the front liners…the dedication to their work and communities and how they will be recognized and how their hard work will not be forgotten…until it is time to ante up and put some bucks where their mouths are!

Once it comes time to negotiate new contracts…all of sudden it seems ok to not offer a decent raise to support living with raising inflation rates…or seems ok to cut benefits that are needed especially for support when dealing with the aftermaths of certain crisis’…or cut sick time and sick pay for those that have already taken the sickening heat for higher ups!

It is a sad state of affairs when the front line public servant is spoken to about accountability for every penny of public money and then sees the “higher ups” getting bonus’ for front line success or higher wages and better benefit packages…sold under the guise that the “higher up” is more stressful and accountable…but when it goes wrong it is still front liners getting fired/laid off/forced retirement!

And how about those essential services needed to live…that have been ever increasing in price and absurd additional fees tacked on the bill for good measure – I mean is there really a minion with a suitcase full of hydro running through the wires that warrants a “delivery cost” of more than the actual amount of hydro I used in a month? Or perhaps once I have helped hydro pay down its debt…it will start paying my mortgage debt for a few years eh?

Is it only me that is disturbed by the wasteful money by our elected government officials…that even with and after all that wastage…their consequences are naught? Shouldn’t the government regulate the fees and cap the fees that are charged by these services? How’s about if the Hydro company had to negotiate contracts with all its clients…and clients said “no to additional fees or inflated prices”?

I feel the most disturbing show of greed in my lifetime is the greed from charity administrators. I remember as a child, my mom used to encourage us to put a box together of stuff we don’t play with anymore or stuff that doesn’t fit us anymore. We used to go to the Goodwill and drop off our donations….and then we would walk around and be allowed to pick a new toy or a new outfit to go home with. That seemed to be at a time when the level of greed was fairly low….when the charity of people and of the overall organization was on the same page.

Now, that is all changed….the organization is reading from a whole different book then the people. It is hurtful to think that people are still willing to donate to charity….but refuse to donate to the raising administration fees or the lined pockets of….yet again those ugly head rearing senior managers!

Does it really cost $600,000.00 per year to run the Goodwill organization? I mean it is not like you are actually paying for your materials? The staff are mostly volunteers, minimum wage earners or staff from a government funded program to support employment skills.

Having mismanaged the charitable organizations so poorly…caused the closing down of actual charity stores and donation centres! Shouldn’t the government regulate the soaring pay cheques of the charity executive staff? Shouldn’t the government help to protect the public donated funds to ensure that more of it is used for its purpose of charity and not used as a vacation supplement for the CEO? Shouldn’t the charities that advertise that the donations are used to help people be charged and penalized for lying and cheating?

What if we switch to a trickle upwards form of economics? What if the front liner made the larger salaries and used that salary to pay the management teams and executives of charities their pay cheques…based on their performance and not just because they have CEO as their work title? What if the government politicians were paid based on the average capped public servant front line salary and negotiated with the public to gain raises or benefits or sick pay?

What if the world returned to the time when greed was the anomaly in business and life…when the world recognized the value of honesty and integrity and not “how much more can I take before the whole thing collapses”…when the higher ups didn’t play Jenga with our world!!!

What if I was Ruler of the Universe and made everyone see through the eyes of my ADHD positiveness!!

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Changer – Danger!

I started following this blog – Be Like Water– which pointed me to the blog – Alphabet Salad – which encourages me to write about the chosen word to represent 2016 and my word is…….CHANGE!

From Change Part of Speech: noun

Definition: something made different; alteration

Synonyms: adjustment, conversion, correction, development, difference, distortion, diversification, diversity, innovation, metamorphosis, modification, modulation, mutation, novelty, permutation, reconstruction, refinement, remodeling, reversal, revision, revolution, shift, surrogate, switch, tempering, transformation, transition, transmutation, turn, turnover, variance, variation, variety, vicissitude

Personally I didn’t know there were that many synonyms for CHANGE…and I quite like the sound of “Vicissitude”. I think I will use that word more often!

Anyhow, while searching for the right word, I kept being reminded of the “serenity prayer”

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot CHANGE,

The courage to CHANGE the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

It was like my ADHD self was yelling at me that this prayer is everything I need to know in life for the next year…this is how I will use my magical powers for good this year!”

I feel that every aspect of my life can do with a bit of a CHANGE-over…whether it be a physical CHANGE or a mental CHANGE or just a CHANGE of perspective.

There is so much that has happened in the last couple of years, and although I have reflected often about what has happened and how to continue moving forward with life….I still find myself caught in a bit of a circle of reactions and thoughts and beliefs about certain aspects of life….and perhaps 2016 is the time for CHANGE!!

Recently, that pesky cancer fuckaroo has claimed more and more lives…especially more and more famous entertainers and even some people personally known to me (I mean the very same naturopathic doctor that did my vitamin C treatments passed away from the pesky fuckaroo….I am not sure he embraced the magical powers of crazy positivity)

The lesson here is that I cannot CHANGE the way or the people that are touched and affected by the pesky fuckaroo….but I can CHANGE my reaction to its touching effects. I can ensure that I don’t feed it any of the negativity it wants….I can promise it that though it may touch those around me….it will not take me down…take me out….instead I am still the Wiser one that accepts the knowledge that I can still make the CHANGE in my body and mind to eradicate pesky fuckaroos from my existence!

Zougy and I have been having many discussions on building our future….and though he is presently embracing the “list the lists to list the list that will help to breakdown the best list” zone….I am trying to embrace the lets just start getting on with setting a goal and achieving the goal to set the next goal to achieve!

The lesson here is that I can CHANGE my reaction….which should really be the less stressful response to his chosen list insanity! I know that I function with setting and achieving goals and doing multiple goals at a time….he is a boy who is struggling to multi-task and find his feet in this new ground with husband, parent, homeowner, business owner, full time employee, all other wobblies life throws at him! I have decided that instead of getting frustrated with how he does things not my way…..I will CHANGE to encourage him to achieve the way he feels he can best achieve! I will CHANGE to encourage him to build his relationships with people in his life and he is responsible for the outcomes…not I….cause I have ADHD and not worldly controlling magical powers (that is a CHANGE I am struggling with a little…cause I really did hope one day I could be Ruler of the Earth…but wisdom to accept that won’t happen has arrived in my brain!)

Recently, I was finally asked to clear out the personal items from my desk at work. Though I am not sad about this…and feel that it was due to happen soon enough….I feel like there is some CHANGE in the acceptance of it!

The lesson here is that I clung to the “I will be coming back to work so just leave everything the way it is”…but for real after a whole year being off…it is unfair to just assume that my desk space and office zoo be left there to be taken care of by others…..and who can really look after another person’s office zoo for unlimited time?? So, I have come to accept that I do plan to return to work one day….but understand that it may be a CHANGE in role….that I may not sit at the same desk or surrounded by the same team or even involved in the same role….but that is ok…cause it could be positive….it WILL be positive.

Family……ohh how family can CHANGE or how we grow older and CHANGE our dealings with family. I have finally come to figure out that I am older now…I have my own family to contend with….inlaws and family friends that I don’t necessarily get along with or that don’t get along with me. In laws and new found family friends that I do get along with and want to surround myself with more and more.

The lesson here is that I finally have the power to CHANGE my response to having to attend a family event at the request of my parents. I realize that I will always be the child of my parents….but I am also the rebellious child of my parents that grew up and can CHANGE who I incorporate into my circle and it doesn’t have to be the parent’s family friends that always talked shit behind my back….I get to CHANGE my reaction to them and not be around them…..that is an awesome lesson to learn….truth be told an even awesomer feeling first time saying “no I ain’t going there to see them”!

Finally, we come back to me and the CHANGE in my cancer fuckaroo…we have all heard that I will beat the fuckaroo out….it will not claim me as one of its victories at least for another 50 years…now I up the game Cancer Fuckaroo and I say you can’t get me for another 55 years…..bah hah hah ha!

The lesson here is that I do need to make serious CHANGE to my physical diet to ensure that I am eating healthy enough to gain necessary weight (yes I am trying to get fat…which will help the hair grow better and maybe even some of the boobies grow back)! I need to continue my serious CHANGE in attitude that I can and will create an environment within my mind and body to cause a metamorphosis of cancerous cells to healthy kick ass cells!!

My final thoughts:

Why provide myself with such negative surround sound!  I realize that God is all knowing and all forgiving and all things good and gave me free will….Why am I willing the negativity? It is within my control and my grasp and my will to bring about positivity…to CHANGE my outlook and viewpoint and angle on life and events in life….from the negative to the positive…..after all isn’t that the Big Secret!!!

It is A Dangerous time for the Pesky Cancer Fuckaroo!

It is an Exciting time for my Life!!

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Psychologically Damaged Or Bonused…Either Way Bring On 2016!!!

Time of need or time of want or just anytime…Zougy seems to be there for me!Though we may even be squabbling now…and though he can be ignorantly narcissistically self absorbed at times (can you guess by my tone this is indeed one of those times?!)…but no matter what he still comes back around to taking care of me! For that I luuuurve him dearly and will tolerate his selfish flaws and give him this beginning part of the post! It is a man’s business after all to flare his narcissism muscles once in awhile!

Back to me now….it was this time last year that I was losing the battle with the chest fluid…actually it was just after boxing day last year when I noticed the short shortness of breath and the odd taste of chalky chest fluid in my mouth. That was the same day I first slept over at Zougy’s parents house…after spending Christmas with his family…and the day I ended up sleeping for 18 hours and Zougy thought it would be nice for his kids to wake me up so I could meet his children for the first time!  

It was a matter of weeks after that which would see me landed in the hospital for the month with those nasty tubes coming out of my chest…not taped like a fancy halloween costume but actually inserted through my skin and muscles right into the chest cavity. This was also the time Zougy…and many others…showed their true colours of love for me! I had ample visitors every day…my friends would rotate to ensure I was never alone! My Zougy came everyday after work to make sure I had healthy food and would cuddle with me on the bed until the nurse kicked him out claiming end of visiting hours!

Though I don’t ever want to experience that again…admittedly it is something that gave me humility and humbleness…a deeper understanding of the fragileness of life and the importance of recognizing and appreciating love always!  

I was blessed to have such wonderful nurses who enjoyed my company not to take blood or samples but to actually engage in a laugh or two! 

I had a most amazing team of doctors – respirologist Dr Roberts…and Palliative Care Dr Yuan…Who visited with me everyday! They didn’t have to but again it was about sharing laughs and appreciations instead of complaints and demands…and oncologist Dr Kassam was pretty cool too!

Then I was released just in time for the return of my mom from overseas…who didn’t know anything was wrong and left at a time when I was a-ok and still going to work! She came home to find me leashed up to the oxygen and accepting the chemical warfare chemotherapy I swore I wouldn’t.  

Bless her sweet soul fore although she mismanaged her frustration in the beginning…she soon came around and took on the “let’s have a laugh and beat this fuckeroo down and here is what I learned from Dr Google today” approach with me! 

You all must be wondering what is the point of walking down this memory lane eh?

Well it would seem that with my ADHD…I am either psychologically damaged or psychologically bonused or bi-polarly both!  

Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling a tightness in my chest…a shortness of breath not there before the cold winter air arrived…and sharp pains in the muscles by my ribs where the tubes came out! 

My massage therapist (Marilyn Dart from Platinum Spa in Keswick…you are absotutely amazing and opened up my breathing in ways no medicine could and brought me relaxation in abundance) said she also noticed a slight tightness but nowhere near where I was last year!

Zougy keeps saying it is psychological cause this time last year I was all hooked up and stuff and maybe my crazy is just associating cold snow with chest tubes! 

Back in the summer, I used to yell at people from my car as I watched them walk around or run to catch a door with all their hair and ease and comfort without the oxygen tank or nose leash and shite.  

And this is where my ADHD psychological bonus comes in…I persevered thru thick and thin despite the Doctors believing I was stuck on the oxygen for life…I built back my lung capacity…I played with that stupid blow the ball up game 8 times a day…did my deep breathing and exhale thru pursed lips exercises every moment I got! And I slowly but surely noticed when I was finally able to return the oxygen tank to the nay-sayers…throw out the nose leash…and walk unassisted around the block without stopping (no matter that it took 30 mins to walk the whole 500 feet)

But back is that snivelling anxiety…that sitting in the car and wondering if I can make it to the door. I find myself yawning on purpose just to ensure I can catch and keep that deep breath! I feel myself struggle in the mornings and at times worry that I won’t make it up the stairs at bedtime!  

I check my oxygen intake several times a day…99 or 98 or 97 is what comes up…that is the percentage my body is taking in oxygen and also apparently the percentage of truth that I may be psychologically damaged!

So to end this post…and this year…I task my ADHD psychologically bonused self to beat out the mo-fooing ADHD psychologically damaged self….right out the ass and off any planes of existence…and take with you the cancerous fuckaroo!!

Happy New Year To Everyone…I wish you all Peace and Joy and Love and Health and Positivity and Prosperity for the new year and many more years to come!

Onwards and Upwards!!!

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Checks and Balances…Reviews and Progresses…Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

So this year is almost over…one more week before the new year rolls in and a new journey begins!Can’t believe how quickly time goes by when you’re having fun!! Yet, I also can’t believe how much activity can pack into a year! What will ADHD crazyness bring for 2016 i wonder?? 

Everyone asks “how is married life” and I feel it’s great…we have been through soo much in such little time and we have built up a comfort level so sweet that it feels like we’ve been married for years!

Checking the balance…we are up there in the black…profitable in the grande scheme!  

We managed to keep our bank account afloat…despite the many many trips Zougy has taken to the hardware store!  

We managed to keep our house warm and cozy…especially with the installation of our new furnace and central heat!  

We managed to keep the kids and cat happy and healthy…and duncan the cat guards the family at night from the upstairs landing pretending to be ready to pounce on any dangers…but runs under the bed if anything moves or goes bump in the night! 

 Healthy is an important one for me…as we come to the 2 year anniversary of my pesky cancer diagnosis. I’m more and more confident with each new day that i will beat down the pesky fuckaroo!I had my final review for 2015 last week…and true to my crazy form, I have boggled the mind of the oncologist!. His review went something like this… “well I am pleased with the overall numbers and results and seems your body is responding well to the treatment…i don’t know what it means that your spots are peeling but jog on and keep doing what you’re doing…Let’s say the skin is regenerating healthily!”

It also seems that my natural treatments are contributing to my positive healthy response…the honey and black seed oil, golden turmeric coconut milk, the mushrooms and vitamins, the coconut cannabis oil, and all the positivity of my friends and family is keeping that cancerous fuckaroo from gaining any steam in my body, mind and soul!!

All this makes me excited about Christmas this year…and i made out like a total superstar bandit with all the gifts i got and all the love being shared!! No not all the gifts are mine but some of the biggest ones are!

I got to see the kids pure joy and excitement of opening their “skylander and disney infinity collectable doll game figurines”…and all the artsy craftsy cool activities to do thru the next year. I am super excited i got colouring books and a super cool puzzle!

The pure joy and excitement on Zougy’s face when opening his “Star Wars Infinity game and Star Wars personalized book!

And…not that i am materialistic…but the best gifts were the heartfelt gifts from my Zougy and the kids (even the one bought by Zougy’s ex that is really from the kids cause at least she was thoughtful and now i don’t feel awkward that i made her and her lesbian lover and her lesbian lover’s daughter special shambala bracelets)

Here’s a few pictures of my favourites (the ornament with all our names is from the ex and the stuffies are from the kids)

And so from my family to yours….Very Merry Christmas…Happy Holidays…Joyous Winter Solatice to all!!!

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Tribute To A Warrior Lost

Sadly the devilish cancer has claimed yet another warrior recently. She was a true fighter having already kicked that beastly cancer’s ass once before…but it seems that sometimes cancer has a persistence to it and it came back almost 20 years later to spread its clutches and stake its plaguing claim on Ana’s life.She was a brave warrior…she traveled across the ocean to try and find the best plan of action to beat out the pesky fuckaroo…she tried all the natural therapies I had done when I first learned of my invading pesky fuckaroo!

It is while we were hooked up to our IV’s that we met…sharing stories of our special diets and latest remedies and folklore stories….imagine me trying to explain just how much marijuana to put in the morning tea to this innocent sweet 50ish Romanian woman and her husbnd whom have never tried any sort of the marijuana before…me singing its praises so much that i even brought her a sampling of my own cooked up coconut cannabliss oil….seemed only fair since she made and shared the best biscotti cookies i have ever tasted!

Its funny how sometimes you lose touch with friends and acquaintances along the way of charting thru this life…always with the best intentions to “keep in touch ok” and then you get that chemo-brain and you end up forgetting sometimes who you were going to email to make sure to catch up with.  

We didn’t drift so far apart, Ana and I, we made that conscious effort to check in on each other…check the what and where was our next treatment….our next family vacation…my marriage and her road trip to Florida! We sent pics of our updates and always making sure to smile to prove that pesky fucker devil cancer wasn’t going to get the one upon us!

Then came the reply email from my latest email check in…the subject line said it all…”My Wife”.  

It was hard to open the actual email fore i knew what it was going to say…that devil fuckaroo took one of us out. Well don’t you worry Ana…i got you covered…I got more fight in me now and i will take devil cancer fuckaroo out and about and smash it’s shite to all hell!



July 15, 1948 – November 13, 2015
Rest In Peace My Dear Friend

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Rolled A Mile In Another Man’s Wheelchair

Welcome back…again! It’s been a while since my last post, sometimes it seems like life gets in the way of free writing time…which is ironic as I often try to write about life!  Its the ADHD that leads me astray and brings me back to lead me astray again!

Anyhow, enough random gibber jabber and let’s get on with today’s point of view!

Recently, I was granted the precious opportunity to experience life rolling around in a wheelchair…and a deeper understanding of how sometime the clearly mentally lucid is often mistaken for the “special needed yellow bus window licker”. I will admit I am not often lucid and find the windows to have an acquired but fancy taste!

Here is my wheelchair cruising story and a pic or two to help you see and understand better:

So, I took my cousins and husband on a road trip to New York…it was sort of like a paki-style honeymoon with escorts and all! I decided to take a wheelchair to ensure that we could see all of New York City – as I am still recovering from the lung gluing chemical warfare ordeal!

Anyhow, it was a brilliant idea…especially since we also decided to bring a brood family of toys represent the family…because we couldn’t bring the kids we decided to behave like children! IMG_20151018_061927





So now picture a crazy lady being pushed around the busy streets of New York with a sock monkey hat and toys in the lap….here’s some help with that picture  cropped excited






It’s amazing that even with all the hustle bustle busyness of the New York streets and the theory that the New Yorkians would be rushed to get places….they all seemed so politely willing to make room for the special lady in the wheelchair and her escorts…they all gave the look of

“Well aren’t they good Samaritans to take that special crazy lady out for the evening!!”

Anyhow, so the main point of this post is really about having a better understanding of when you lose that ability and control of being able to stop and go and look at whatever you want…when the control is handed over to another, you suddenly become aware of all the things you tend to miss when walking thru life!

Though I am super grateful for everyone that took the time and energy to stroll me around…and we did get around!  We stayed right in Time’s Square…and we toured to Empire State Building; All the Hop On/Hopp Off Bus Tours; Wall Street; Little Italy; China Town; History Museum; and Illustrators Society Museum!

It was just a little lonely when left alone while pictures were being taken without me!


Or when conversations are happening around me but I am not actually a part of them…

converse without me

Or when the overly concerned New Yorkian is concerned that the wheelchair is

“Not suitable for the little boy and the fracture he might have…”

Sorry we didn’t get the chance to get a picture of him…but he was quick to point out that it was not my escorts’ faults and really…

“New York should have provided a better wheelchair with bigger wheels and better New York streets to roll upon…so as not to further damage the little boy and the fracture if that is what he has!”

I promise from this point on to make a better effort to actively include anyone I might be pushing in a wheelchair in the future…and also make the big effort to get back to my own long distance walking ways!!!

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Happy Little Big Anniversary

One year and one day since our First Date – with firm hand-shakes we declared it was “nice to meet” each other with such business like formality! We have come such a long way since then…we have lost much of the business-like formalities…we have handled with unconditional love each other’s souls and embraced each other’s craziness…and you have even managed to tame my ADHD just a little bit!

I look back on everything I’ve been thru in the last year…forced to reflect by my palliative care specialist – I’ve only known him for 10 months but he feels that me and my magical powers are well on the way to defeat the pesky cancer!!!

To my Palliative Care team of Dr. Yuen and Nurse Chandra…who continues to believe that despite the diagnosis of terminal illness…I am not terminal and they will not treat me as though…they don’t push the hard narcotics or the pharmaceuticals remedies to create more need for pharmaceutical remedies!

To my Hakuna Mushka who has supported me like only a mother can support an ill daughter…she gives up her walker to make sure I can walk beside her!

To my OW family…the unconditional love and support of all of you…the fabulous breakies and now the helping me adjust to changing the times from breakie to brunch…I will be back one day and yes I will help you process that mail!!!

To my other country family, my second moms, and outside OW friends and family…this year wouldn’t have kept me smiling without your love and support and regular visits and check ins!!

Most important though is:  To my Zoujy who continues to research any and all new hoodoo voodoo magical natural remedy that comes to Dr. Google! Don’t worry I won’t ever tell anyone you drank some turmeric milk with special green coconut oil!!

So what’s the countdown include…within this 1 Year?

2 – Chest tubes on 2 separate occasions!

3 – Random chest fluid drainages – thankfully only one by Jaffar the Butcher!

4 – Un-restful weeks in the hospital…and no I’m not palliative care even if I’m in the palliative care ward!

5 – Months of home oxygen – needing to carry round an oxygen tank and sleep with an oxygen concentrator (now I can’t sleep without some kind of background white noise)

6 – Rounds of chemical warfare chemotherapy (so glad that’s over with and now I can have the next 6 months to try and grow some hair back)

7 – Attempts of Zoujy trying to get into the wrong hole

8 – Months of courtship leading to a quickie almost impulsive yet meant to be wedding

9 – Months of cultivated relationship lending to our buying a house together

10 – Friends in total that showed up to our first house party (sadly we over estimated and bought food as if we were popular…we ended up eating grilled cheese for the next couple months)

11 – Months of just sheer amazement of what’s gone on over the last 11 months…of the unconditional support and love we have for each other…of the feeling that years have passed and we will never lose the puppy love honeymoon phase!

12 – Months for you to get your very first passport after 39 years!

Now that we got thru that first year…and packed all that into that first year…let’s start the next year’s countdown…I have faith we can pack better more positive stuff in…starting with making use of that passport so…bring on our 1st – Out of country experience!!!

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