ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Psychologically Damaged Or Bonused…Either Way Bring On 2016!!!

on December 31, 2015

Time of need or time of want or just anytime…Zougy seems to be there for me!Though we may even be squabbling now…and though he can be ignorantly narcissistically self absorbed at times (can you guess by my tone this is indeed one of those times?!)…but no matter what he still comes back around to taking care of me! For that I luuuurve him dearly and will tolerate his selfish flaws and give him this beginning part of the post! It is a man’s business after all to flare his narcissism muscles once in awhile!

Back to me now….it was this time last year that I was losing the battle with the chest fluid…actually it was just after boxing day last year when I noticed the short shortness of breath and the odd taste of chalky chest fluid in my mouth. That was the same day I first slept over at Zougy’s parents house…after spending Christmas with his family…and the day I ended up sleeping for 18 hours and Zougy thought it would be nice for his kids to wake me up so I could meet his children for the first time!  

It was a matter of weeks after that which would see me landed in the hospital for the month with those nasty tubes coming out of my chest…not taped like a fancy halloween costume but actually inserted through my skin and muscles right into the chest cavity. This was also the time Zougy…and many others…showed their true colours of love for me! I had ample visitors every day…my friends would rotate to ensure I was never alone! My Zougy came everyday after work to make sure I had healthy food and would cuddle with me on the bed until the nurse kicked him out claiming end of visiting hours!

Though I don’t ever want to experience that again…admittedly it is something that gave me humility and humbleness…a deeper understanding of the fragileness of life and the importance of recognizing and appreciating love always!  

I was blessed to have such wonderful nurses who enjoyed my company not to take blood or samples but to actually engage in a laugh or two! 

I had a most amazing team of doctors – respirologist Dr Roberts…and Palliative Care Dr Yuan…Who visited with me everyday! They didn’t have to but again it was about sharing laughs and appreciations instead of complaints and demands…and oncologist Dr Kassam was pretty cool too!

Then I was released just in time for the return of my mom from overseas…who didn’t know anything was wrong and left at a time when I was a-ok and still going to work! She came home to find me leashed up to the oxygen and accepting the chemical warfare chemotherapy I swore I wouldn’t.  

Bless her sweet soul fore although she mismanaged her frustration in the beginning…she soon came around and took on the “let’s have a laugh and beat this fuckeroo down and here is what I learned from Dr Google today” approach with me! 

You all must be wondering what is the point of walking down this memory lane eh?

Well it would seem that with my ADHD…I am either psychologically damaged or psychologically bonused or bi-polarly both!  

Over the last couple of weeks I have been feeling a tightness in my chest…a shortness of breath not there before the cold winter air arrived…and sharp pains in the muscles by my ribs where the tubes came out! 

My massage therapist (Marilyn Dart from Platinum Spa in Keswick…you are absotutely amazing and opened up my breathing in ways no medicine could and brought me relaxation in abundance) said she also noticed a slight tightness but nowhere near where I was last year!

Zougy keeps saying it is psychological cause this time last year I was all hooked up and stuff and maybe my crazy is just associating cold snow with chest tubes! 

Back in the summer, I used to yell at people from my car as I watched them walk around or run to catch a door with all their hair and ease and comfort without the oxygen tank or nose leash and shite.  

And this is where my ADHD psychological bonus comes in…I persevered thru thick and thin despite the Doctors believing I was stuck on the oxygen for life…I built back my lung capacity…I played with that stupid blow the ball up game 8 times a day…did my deep breathing and exhale thru pursed lips exercises every moment I got! And I slowly but surely noticed when I was finally able to return the oxygen tank to the nay-sayers…throw out the nose leash…and walk unassisted around the block without stopping (no matter that it took 30 mins to walk the whole 500 feet)

But back is that snivelling anxiety…that sitting in the car and wondering if I can make it to the door. I find myself yawning on purpose just to ensure I can catch and keep that deep breath! I feel myself struggle in the mornings and at times worry that I won’t make it up the stairs at bedtime!  

I check my oxygen intake several times a day…99 or 98 or 97 is what comes up…that is the percentage my body is taking in oxygen and also apparently the percentage of truth that I may be psychologically damaged!

So to end this post…and this year…I task my ADHD psychologically bonused self to beat out the mo-fooing ADHD psychologically damaged self….right out the ass and off any planes of existence…and take with you the cancerous fuckaroo!!

Happy New Year To Everyone…I wish you all Peace and Joy and Love and Health and Positivity and Prosperity for the new year and many more years to come!

Onwards and Upwards!!!


One response to “Psychologically Damaged Or Bonused…Either Way Bring On 2016!!!

  1. Nicole says:

    You are a crazy inspiration to all of us Yas! You have been through hell and back and you are doing it with a smile on your face…stay happy! XOX


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