ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Jaffar the Butcher and Julios the Wanna Be God

on June 3, 2015

So follows the famous story of the Butcher and the Wanna Be God. These were the only 2 doctors in the entire hospital that I didn’t actually get along with…and I’m sure after reading the story…you will all see why!!

It was the last week of February, about 10 days after the last needle draining by the lovely Dr. Roberts…he keeps me talking that I don’t even realize he’s drained 1.5 litres of fluid…and before you know it…he’s got one little bandage covering the needle whole – I mean little homestyle boo-boo Band-Aid! Anyhow, Dr Roberts went on vacation and so I decide i’m gonna have to call an ambulance to take me into hospital…get me in quicker than the whole meet and greet the yellow zone!

So, ambulance comes and bless the 2 young Markham paramedics…super sweet and on the ball! I get into the hospital and they get me one of the emergency quad rooms…hook me up to the oxygen and play let’s wait for the doctor.

Turns out the doctors on duty don’t feel comfortable with draining fluid and so they want to send me home with some water pills and wait till…well wait till I’ve collapsed my other lung and possibly drowned running out of oxygen…cause then they would feel more comfortable dealing with the situation?!?!

Thankfully the nurses see that the oxygen intake isn’t high enough to be sent home and so decide to advocate I get admitted until the thoracic surgeon can see me…who said he would see me that evening (I called the surgeon to explain I had an appt in their office but was now in the hospital and the secretary said the surgeon would see me on his emergency rounds) It was 3am Feb 26 when Jaffar the Butcher introduced himself…the respirologist on-call at the hospital and saying that he felt I was correct in deciding to stay at the hospital…said he paged the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon and was told I’d be seen in the morning…if I wasn’t seen for surgery prep then Jaffar agreed to do the needle draining!

Feb 27…they move me back up to the Cancer Centre…and no word from Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon! Jaffar comes in and decides he’s going to help me out and do the needle drainage…let’s just say his help was more like my detriment!

So he didn’t talk to keep me distracted…and he didn’t stop when I said it was starting to hurt…instead he let it over drain to 2 litres…and left me bleeding profusely for the nurse to dress and clean up…what he did was offer to get me strong pain meds as I could barely talk…and a chest x-ray to ensure he didn’t puncture any holes in my actual lung…even the x-ray techs were a little put off by the blood and the butchering…I mean not only did I require loads of Band aids, gauze and tape and tape and tape and then all the bedsheets and all my gowning required changing…I mean this was no Dr Roberts style treatment. I informed everyone that checked on me from that point that Jaffar the Butcher was not allowed to touch me ever again!

And still the wait continues for the Wanna Be God thoracic surgeon…he actually leaves me waiting in the hospital for 5 days…each day promising to come and see me and then never showing. On the 6th day, I call the office again to ask when will the doctor come to see me as I’ve been waiting 5 days already…after the secretary puts me on hold several times (I think in hopes I’ll just hang up and go away) she comes back on the line to explain that she paged the doctor – “he said that he will come to see me the next morning and do the procedure between 8pm and 8am the next day and that I shouldn’t eat or drink all day…and also wants me to know that all the calling and paging won’t get him to come and see me quicker”…and don’t I lose my shit and explain “if he didn’t want all the dr’s and nurses and myself calling and paging…then he shouldn’t be saying that he will be coming to see me every day for 6 days without actually coming to see me!!!”

Day 7 and finally I meet the Wanna Be God…8 am he comes to my room and starts the conversation with: “just so you know…this procedure won’t cure you…your situation is fatal…with the lung cancer”. I explain that I don’t have lung cancer…and he tries to explain more of what I don’t have…and then says that the procedure works most of the time. I explain to him that I’m an optimistic person and believe the procedure will work and will ultimately stop the fluid build-up and I’m not fatally situated at all!!

The evening rolls around and the Wanna Be God has decided he’s not interested in completing the procedure…so off he puts me again, apparently profusely apologizing and saying that the other doctor will do the procedure the next day! (I am actually asking the hospital for a copy of that phone call to hear his profuse apologies) Well, let’s just say…thank you Real God for sending me a Real Doctor after the 7th day…Dr Privitera did an awesome job of keeping me calm and positive about the procedure and following up after the procedure…2 days later I was released from hospital with no signs of imminent fatality…and over 2 months later….I’m still here and breathing and clear of cancer cells in the chest… because I have magical powers powered by crazy positive thinking!

Take that Wanna Be God no good thoracic surgeon…you can’t be a God if your wrong…and turns out everything about you just plain WRONG!!!  Wait till your karma comes back around!


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