ADHD Made Me Do It

Survive Life with Laughter

Online..Offline…Cross the Line Dating

on March 23, 2014

Is it sad that my mother signed up to an online dating site on my behalf, or just sad that she has had a better response and chatted up more men then I have my whole online dating career – which seems to have spanned over 10 years in 2 different countries!  My office granny got me this amazing book – Why Men Love Bitches – and apparently my mother is the bigger bitch!  I’ve read the book, oddly enough I do totally agree with everything in the book (I actually held out on sex and overly accommodating the last numpty I dated) I just seem to struggle with my ADHD’s need to be super sensitive, warm and fluffy and supportive to other people‘s needs..its why I succeed so well in my social services career!

Not only is my mom online dating for me, but it has gotten to the point where my office sistas decided to form a panel to make my life decisions – seems impulsive marriages and big purchases had them concerned!

So what causes this fine looking, highly intelligent, and super funny girl like me to require such assistance?  Well, perhaps I need to be more arrogant…or just learn from my past dating misadventures! Not that I have had so many dating failures….and I’m not a total prude so I have had the odd one-night stand misadventure…but I‘ve learned that one-nighters don‘t lead into life longers for me!

I will let you in on some of my most memorable failing attempts at love…I won’t include the first marriage…or the epic failure of the relationship that led to the first impulsive marriage…that is definitely an entire post on it’s own (and perhaps a better lead into the post on the second impulsive marriage).  I won’t include names here either, but rather just a brief description of how I see it went wrong…and the lessons I now know I should’ve learned (that hindsight can be a bigger bitch then karma sometimes)

Peterboroughie Air Cadety – Nice enough fella he was, wasn’t an online mistake but rather a trust an old friend mistake.  He was my college roommate’s best friend brother and we only dated for less then 6 months in college.  He broke up with me just after I drove him and his friends to the ripper bar for his birthday…I even stole my parents car to take him! Lesson learned: should’ve been more bitchy and said no!

Gumby the Electrician – Again this was not an online failure…but epic failure it was.  I won’t claim myself to be holistically innocent…Gumby was actually married at the time we were dating…tho I didn’t know he was married when we first started dating.  Clearly it ended…tho I did have an affair for some time before finally ending it.  The many attempts I made to end it caused a stalker effect in him, he would show up and one time while I was on vacation got my landlord to let him in my apartment so he could wallpaper the whole place and leave me a 10 page love letter (yet still lived with his girlfriend wife apparently unhappily) The job in Ireland was a Godsent that made it easier to leave and get away from his stalkeringness!  Lesson learned: Don’t get involved with the already involved…they don’t, won’t, and shouldn’t leave their wife…I don’t want to live with their cheating ass anyways!

English E-Harmony – I tried this e-harmony site, fore it made some wonderful promises, and I even paid the 3 month membership in British pounds.  As you may know or heard, it has this whole personality, characteristic, and fancy shmancy testing assessment that it uses to match you with your harmonious dating partner.  I’m pretty open minded…not particular to colour or culture or religion even.  I just want someone kind, funny, respectably responsible, and taller then me (I’m 5’8” so I’d be looking for someone at least 5’10”).  Never did get a tall match…and the one fella that said he was tall, turned out to be shorter then me and then accused me of lying on my profile cause I looked taller!  Lesson Learned: Computers don’t make for good assessment matchmaking for harmonious dating!

Irish England PHD science teacher – He was a referral from a college professor I was working with…and he came highly recommended.  The jist of this relationship was that, although this guy had his PHD and was a teacher, he was unable to drive himself anywhere or even manage his own monthly expenses, and tried to move into my apartment.  He wouldn’t get the hint, even when one night he went to the pub with his friends and I locked the door, he banged and banged until he woke up the neighbours to let him back into my apartment.  Lesson learned:  University book smarts doesn’t translate into street smarts real life skills!

Schizophrenic Painter/Renovator – Now this fella had some fun about him…or perhaps better to say I made fun of him sometimes.  This relationship was an online dating failure – I just can’t remember what site it was.  I met him just after I bought my house in England and so I thought it was fate or meant to be…considering I was in need of some renovations in the house.  He was really nice, except when we went out to dinner…he didn’t really like being outside with other people.  He didn’t disclose that he had schziophrenia until 4 months into the relationship and I figured, with my own mental health issues, we could probably work through it.  Lesson learned: When he won’t disclose issues at the beginning, it’s probably because he isn’t managing well with his issues and it is not something I should have to work through, work with, or work out for him!

Florida Scammer – This was yet another on-line dating attempt back in Canada!  This time it was my mom who asked around and found this “Islamic online dating site”, she suggested I put my own profile and manage my own conversations.  I thought can’t hurt to try, so I put on a picture, brief profile and started chatting up some fellas.  Then, this one guy seemed on the ball, looked handsome, and said he was from the states but travelling.  We exchanged emails for a bit, and he never asked for money, but never mentioned arranging any type of immediate contact (phone calls, meetings).  Turns out he was married and not travelling, and not even honest about his name. Lesson learned: The religiously specific online dating sites have more of the scammer types trying to prey on the desperate…and be sure to get pictures, and immediate contact type before moving forward…and stay away from the foreigners!

Bigamist Dumbass – This guy deserves an entire post on his own, currently in the works!  Briefly about his name…well he is a bigamist because he is my second impulsive marriage but he was already married at the time.  He also threatened to take me to court…he knew I was putting together life stories for my own book and said he would sue me if I named him in my book…so I promised him I would call him dumbass!  Lesson learned: So many lessons learned, but most important lesson is that I need to learn more control over my own impulses….keep on the look out for the whole story!

Head up his Ass Brat – Here was my final straw that broke the online dating camel’s back.  This guy seemed the most promising, even my life-decisions panel was thrilled with the seemingly normalcy of this guy.  He was tall, sense of humour, gave the impression of having a sense of responsibility – declared he was divorced but stated he still had good communication with his ex wife for the kids sake…oh yeah he had 2 kids.  I had just finished reading the book from granny, and so, I was trying to be as bitchy as possible…even kicked him out of my bed during a make-out session because it was before 3 months (panel’s idea to wait out at least 3 months).  Then, I couldn’t hold out anymore, and one month later he couldn’t hold on anymore.  He seemed to be building on that good communication with his ex-wife…so good that she asked him to move back in with him!  Now I don’t have an issue if they move back in with each other…makes it better for the family environment…I have an issue with his ignorance mistreating me right after I give him my flower (the cherry was given away a while back). 2 weeks after I made and gave him this giftImage

for father‘s day (such an awesome pillow gift even I was running through the office with it), and 1 week after he called me while shopping with his kids to thank me for being involved in his life and how much he appreciated me, he then stopped all communication with me.  When I challenged on his ignorance towards me, he responded with “well I thought we were just friends hanging out…my ex-wife asked me to move in with her and no I won’t move in with her because I gave you an indication of my married life….I like you but I don’t know what else to say I just have my head up my ass”. We then exchanged personal items via plastic bags on his front porch mailbox and no he didn’t return the pillow! Lesson learned: I do not have any business trying online dating sites!

 

After all of these…and some of the stories I didn’t include, I have now deleted all online profiles that I set up myself…but my mother still has my profile that she is managing!  I don’t need to be focused on searching, I have no other alternative but to believe whatever is meant to be will be!! Internet life is no replacement for real life!

My soul mate is on the real life pathway, and just around the corner, to meet me!!!

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